Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer Siman 27

Siman 27

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א בְּכֶסֶף כֵּיצַד, נוֹתֵן לָהּ בִּפְנֵי שְׁנַיִם פְּרוּטָה אוֹ שְׁוֵה פְּרוּטָה, וְאוֹמֵר לָהּ: "הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי בָּזֶה". הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹמַר לָהּ: "כְּדַת משֶׁה וְיִשְׂרָאֵל" (כָּל בּוֹ). וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִין לְכַּתְחִילָה וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִין לְקַדֵּשׁ בְּטַבַּעַת, וְיֵשׁ לָהֶם טַעַם בְּתִקּוּנֵי הַזֹּהַר (דַּעַת הָרַב). וְהוּא הַדִּין אִם אָמַר לָהּ: "הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְאֹרֶסֶת לִי", אוֹ "הֲרֵי אַתְּ לִי לְאִשָּׁה", וְכֵן בְּכָל לָשׁוֹן שֶׁמַּשְׁמָעוּתוּ לְשׁוֹן קִדּוּשִׁין וַדַּאי בְּאוֹתוֹ מָקוֹם, וּבִלְבַד שֶׁהִיא תָּבִין שֶׁהוּא לְשׁוֹן קִדּוּשִׁין, וְאִם הָיָה מְדַבֵּר עִמָּהּ תְּחִלָּה עַל עִסְקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין, וְנָתַן לָהּ אֲפִלּוּ בִּשְׁתִיקָה, הָוֵי קִדּוּשִׁין. וְהוּא שֶׁעֲדַיִן עֲסוּקִין בְּאוֹתוֹ עִנְיָן. וְכָל שֶׁכֵּן אִם אָמַר לְשׁוֹן קִדּוּשִׁין וַדַּאי, אֶלָּא שֶׁאֵינָהּ מְבִינָה אוֹתוֹ, דַּהֲווּ קִדּוּשִׁין. הַגָּה: יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּלָא בָּעִינָן מְדַבְּרִים בְּאוֹתוֹ עִנְיָן מַמָּשׁ, אֶלָּא מְדַבְּרִים מֵעִנְיָן לְעִנְיָן בְּאוֹתוֹ עִנְיָן, דְּהַיְנוּ שֶׁאֵין מְדַבְּרִים בְּקִדּוּשִׁין, רַק בְּצָרְכֵי זִוּוּגָם (מָרְדְּכַי סוֹף הָאִישׁ מְקַדֵּשׁ וְכ"כ הָרַשְׁבָּ"א). וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּלֹא בָּעִינָן מְדַבְּרִים עִמָּהּ, אֶלָּא כָּל שֶׁמְּדַבְּרִים לְפָנֶיהָ, סָגֵי (מָרְדְּכַי רֵישׁ קִדּוּשִׁין, וְכֵן מַשְׁמָע לְשׁוֹן הַטּוּר):

1 With money, how is the woman betrothed?, he gives her, in front of 2 witnesses a 'Pruta' or something worth 'the value of a pruta' and says, "Harei At Mekudeshet Li BaZeh" (With this, you are betrothed to me). Rema: and there are those who say that he should add to this "according to the daat (religion) of Moses and Israel," and it is customary, a-priori, to betroth her with a ring, and there is a reason for this from the Tikunei Zohar (that the ring needs to be round with no breaks, like the letter "Samach" ed.) And this is the same law if he said to her, "Harei you are... 'engaged to me,' or 'you are to me for a wife,'..." and the same for any language that have the essence of certain language of betrothal in that region and ONLY if she clearly understands that this is language of betrothal and if he spoke of marriage with her beforehand about the business of marriage and he gave her the gift (Pruta or Sheva-Pruta), then even in silence (and in front of two witnesses), she is betrothed. And if he is he is still involved in the same subject (of marriage), and of course, if he uses a certain language of betrothal, rather she does not (completely) understand his exact words, they are still betrothed. Rema: Some say that the subject about which they are speaking is not necessarily marriage itself, rather they are speaking of subjects related to the subject of marriage and not about betrothal directly, rather they are speaking about the needs of the couple's relationship. And other say that it is not this subject about which they he is speaking with her, rather all the discussion before (he gives her the pruta) that apply in this matter.

ב אָמַר לָהּ: הֲרֵי אַתְּ אִשְׁתִּי, הֲרֵי אַתְּ זְקוּקָתִי, הֲרֵי אַתְּ קְנוּיָה לִי, הֲרֵי אַתְּ אֲרוּסָתִי, הֲרֵי אַתְּ שֶׁלִּי, הֲרֵי אַתְּ בִּרְשׁוּתִי, הֲרֵי אַתְּ לְקוּחָתִי, מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, הַגָּה: אִם הֵבִינָה דְּבָרָיו, אוֹ שֶׁדִּבְּרוּ תְּחִלָּה מֵעִסְקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין (הָרַ"ן וְהַמ"מ). אֲבָל הָאִישׁ אֵינוֹ נֶאֱמָן לוֹמַר שֶׁלֹּא כִּוֵּן לְשֵׁם קִדּוּשִׁין (ב"י בְּשֵׁם הָרֹא"שׁ):

2 If he says to her "Harei... you are my wife (ishti)," "you are my one and only (zakukati)," "you are my property," "you are my betrothed," "you are mine," "you are in my domain," or "Harei, you are my acquisition." (in all these cases) she is betrothed. Rema: If she understands his meaning or beforehand, they were speaking about marriage details, but the man is not believed (without her consent) because these are not certain languages of betrothal.

ג אָמַר לָהּ: הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְיֹעֶדֶת לִי, מְיֻחֶדֶת לִי, עֶזְרָתִי, נֶגְדָּתִי, צַלְעָתִי, סְגוּרָתִי, תַּחְתַּי, עֲצוּרָתִי, תְּפוּסָתִי, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת בְּסָפֵק. הַגָּה: וְהוּא הַדִּין אִם אָמַר: הֲרֵי אַתְּ חֲרוּפָתִי. אֲבָל אָמַר לָהּ: הֲרֵי אַתְּ נְשׂוּאָתִי, יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁאֵינוֹ כְּלוּם. וְהוּא שֶׁהָיָה מְדַבֵּר עִמָּהּ תְּחִלָּה עַל עִסְקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין, אֲבָל אִם אֵינוֹ מְדַבֵּר עִמָּהּ תְּחִלָּה עַל עִסְקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין, אֵין חוֹשְׁשִׁין לְמִלּוֹת אֵלּוּ. הַגָּה: מִי שֶׁאָמַר לְאִשָּׁה שֶׁנּוֹתֵן לָהּ בִּשְׁבִיל אַהֲבָה וְחִבָּה, חוֹשְׁשִׁין לְקִדּוּשִׁין, כִּי שֶׁמָּא אָמַר שֶׁנּוֹתֵן לָהּ שֶׁיִּהְיֶה אַהֲבָה וְחִבָּה בֵּינֵיהֶם, וְהָוֵי כְּאִלּוּ אָמַר לָהּ: מְיֹעֶדֶת לִי אוֹ מְיֻחֶדֶת לִי (תְּשׁוּבַת מיי' סוֹף אִישׁוּת). יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאַף עַל גַּב דִּלְשׁוֹנוֹת אֵלּוּ לֹא מְהַנֵּי אִם לֹא דִּבֵּר עִמָּהּ מֵעִסְקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין, מִכָּל מָקוֹם אִם הִיא אוֹמֶרֶת שֶׁקִּבְּלָה לְשֵׁם קִדּוּשִׁין, הָוֵי סְפֵק קִדּוּשִׁין (הָרַ"ן). וַאֲפִלּוּ נָתַן לָהּ בִּשְׁתִיקָה וְלֹא דִּבֵּר כְּלוּם, וְהוּא וְהִיא אוֹמְרִים שֶׁכִּוְּנוּ לְשֵׁם קִדּוּשִׁין, הָוֵי קִדּוּשִׁין (בְּמָרְדְּכַי פֶּרֶק הָאִישׁ מְקַדֵּשׁ וּתְשׁוּבַת מוהר"ם). וּבְמָקוֹם דְּלֹא הָוֵי קִדּוּשִׁין, אֲפִלּוּ אִם חוֹזֵר אַחַר כָּךְ וְאָמַר לָהּ: הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי, צָרִיךְ לִטֹּל הַכֶּסֶף מִמֶּנָּה וְלִתֵּן לָהּ בְּתוֹרַת קִדּוּשִׁין (המ"מ בְּשֵׁם הָרַשְׁבָּ"א):

3 If he says to her, "You are hereby unique to me," "designated to me," "my helpmate", "my counterpart", "my rib", "my closed one," "my treasure chest," "my duplication (soulmate)." (in these cases) she is doubtfully betrothed Rema: Thus is the law, even if he says "You are hereby my espoused one [ harufati ]" But, if he says to her, "You are hereby my married one [ nessuati ]," there are those who say that this is nothing (not even a doubtful betrothal) as long he were to speak with her beforehand about dealings of engagement or marriage. However, if he did not speak with her about marriage dealings beforehand, we are not concerned about any of these phrases having an effect of marriage. Rema: Someone who says to a woman "I give you this with love and affection," we are concerned that they may be betrothed since perhaps he said that he gives her this (gift) that it should be for 'love and affection' between them and it would be as if he used the language "you are specially chosen (Meuedet) for me" or "the only one for me." There are those who say that these utterances do not count if he does not speak with her about marital matters before hand. In any case, if she says that she accepted the gift in the name of betrothal, this is also a doubtful betrothal and even if he gave it to her in silence and said nothing and she and he both testify that their intention was to be engaged to each other, then they are betrothed; and in a place where they do not consider this as betrothal, even if he retracts afterwards (what he said or did) and said to her (the proper language of) "Harei At Mekudeshet Li," (Harei, you are betrothed to me), and he would need to take back the money (or gift) from her and give it again in the name of betrothal.

ד אָמַר לָהּ: הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, וְלֹא אָמַר: "לִי", אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְכֵן עִקָּר (תְּשׁוּבַת הָרֹא"שׁ) אֲבָל יֵשׁ מַחֲמִירִין וְאוֹמְרִים דְּהָוֵי קִדּוּשִׁין (תִּמְצְאֵם בִּתְשׁוּבַת הָרַשְׁבָּ"א וְרַמְבַּ"ן וְהָרֹא"שׁ כְּלָל ל"ו). וְאִם הָיָה מְדַבֵּר עִמָּהּ עַל עִסְקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְאִם קִדֵּשׁ תְּחִלָּה אִשָּׁה אַחַת קִדּוּשִׁין גְּמוּרִים, וְאָמַר לְאַחֶרֶת בְּפָנֶיהָ: תְּהֵא מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, וְלֹא אָמַר: "לִי", יָדַיִם מוֹכִיחוֹת (פֵּרוּשׁ, כְּמוֹ שֶׁהָאוֹחֵז בְּבֵית יַד הַכְּלִי מוֹשֵׁךְ עִמּוֹ הַכְּלִי עַצְמוֹ, כֵּן אֵלֶּה הַדְּבָרִים מוֹכִיחִים שֶׁמּוֹשְׁכִים אַחֲרֵיהֶם לְשׁוֹן "לִי") נִינְהוּ, וְחוֹשְׁשִׁין לְקִדּוּשִׁין:

4 If he says to her "Harei, you are betrothed" but does not say "Li" (to me), she is not betrothed Rema: and this is the law, but there are strict poskim who would say that this is a kosher betrothal and if he was speaking with her about the business of marriage, then she is betrothed. If he betrothed one woman first with a complete betrothal and said to another woman in front of her that she should be betrothed, but did not say "to me," then it is her hands that are proof and we are concerned that she is betrothed.

ה יֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר, שֶׁאִם כְּשֶׁנָּתַן לָהּ הַכֶּסֶף אָמַר לָהּ: הֲרֵינִי נוֹתְנוֹ לָךְ בְּתוֹרַת קִדּוּשִׁין, הָוֵי כְּאוֹמֵר: "לִי". הַגָּה: וְצָרִיךְ שֶׁיֹּאמַר לָהּ לָשׁוֹן הַמּוֹכִיחַ לְהַבָּא, כְּגוֹן שֶׁאוֹמֵר: הֲרֵי הֵן קִדּוּשִׁין, אוֹ קִדּוּשִׁין יִהְיוּ. אֲבָל אָמַר: הֵן קִדּוּשִׁין, לְחוּד, אֵינוֹ כְּלוּם (ב"י בְּשֵׁם תְּשׁוּבַת הָר"י דוראן):

5 Some (poskim) would say that if at the time he gives her the money (or gift with the value of a pruta) he says to her, "I give this to you for the sake of betrothal," it is as if he said (the words) "to me." [ Rema: and he would need to say this to her in a language that would prove his intention, for example, he would say "Thus they (or, we) are betrothed," or "Thus, they (we) shall be betrothed." However, if he says only "they are betrothed," this is nothing.

ו אָמַר לָהּ: הֲרֵינִי אִישֵׁךְ, הֲרֵי בַּעְלֵךְ, הֲרֵינִי אֲרוּסֵךְ, אֵינוֹ כְּלוּם, אֲפִלּוּ הָיָה מְדַבֵּר עִמָּהּ תְּחִלָּה עַל עִסְקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין, מִשּׁוּם דִּכְתִיב: "כִּי יִקַּח" (דְּבָרִים כד, א) וְלֹא שֶׁיַּקַּח אֶת עַצְמוֹ. נָתַן הַכֶּסֶף לְאֶחָד וְאָמַר לוֹ: הֲרֵי אַתְּ חָמִי, וְלֹא אָמַר: בִּתְּךְ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי, אֵין בָּזֶה כְּלוּם (הַגָּהוֹת אַלְפָסִי פ"ק דְּקִדּוּשִׁין):

6 He says to her, "Hareini, I am your man (Ishecha)," "Hareini, I am your husband (Ba'alech)," or "Your betrothed;" these are nothing, even they were speaking initially about the business of betrothal since it is written, "Since (Ki) He will take..." and not "That (She'Yikach) he will take (through his declaration) for himself." [ Rema: Similarly, if he gives the money to a man (her father) and says to him, "Harei, you are my father in-law," and did not say, "your daughter is betrothed to me," here there is also nothing.

ז נָתְנָה הִיא לוֹ כֶּסֶף, וְאָמְרָה: הֲרֵינִי מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לְךָ, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:

7 If she gives money to him and she says, "Hareini, I am betrothed to you," she is not betrothed.

ח נָתַן הוּא וְאָמְרָה הִיא, אִם הָיָה מְדַבֵּר עִמָּהּ עַל עִסְקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין, הָוֵי וַדַּאי קִדּוּשִׁין, וְאִם לָאו, הָוֵי סְפֵק קִדּוּשִׁין. וְאִם עָנָה הַבַּעַל: הֵן, בִּשְׁעַת נְתִינָה, הָוֵי וַדַּאי קִדּוּשִׁין אֲפִלּוּ אֵין עֲסוּקִין בְּאוֹתוֹ עִנְיָן:

8 He gave her the money and she made the declaration (of betrothal); if he was already speaking about the business of betrothal beforehand, this is certainly a betrothal (since she declared her intent with words while he made it clear with his action), but if not (he did not speak about betrothal beforehand), this is a questionable betrothal (Saffek). However, if after her declaration, he answers "Yes," at the moment of his giving (and her declaration) then this is a certain betrothal, even if they were not discussing the business of betrothal beforehand.

ט נָתְנָה הִיא וְאָמְרָה לוֹ: הֵילָךְ דִּינָר זֶה מַתָּנָה וְאֶתְקַדֵּשׁ לְךָ, וּלְקָחוֹ וְאָמַר לָהּ: הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי בַּהֲנָאָה זוֹ שֶׁקִּבַּלְתִּי מִמֵּךְ מַתָּנָה, אִם אָדָם חָשׁוּב הוּא, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, שֶׁהֲנָאָה יֵשׁ לָהּ בִּהְיוֹתוֹ נֶהֱנֶה מִמֶּנָּה, וּבַהֲנָאָה זוֹ הִקְנְתָה עַצְמָהּ לוֹ. וְצָרִיךְ חֲקִירַת חָכָם מִי נִקְרָא אָדָם שֶׁאֵינוֹ חָשׁוּב לְהַתִּירָהּ בְּלֹא גֵּט. (וְיֵשׁ מַחֲמִירִין אֲפִלּוּ לֹא אָמְרָה תְּחִלָּה כְּשֶׁנָּתְנָה: וְאֶתְקַדֵּשׁ לְךְ, רַק נָתְנָה סְתָם, וְאָמַר לָהּ: הִתְקַדְּשִׁי כוּ', וְשָׁתְקָה (תשו' הָרַשְׁבָּ"א סִי' תרי"ג):

9 If she gives a Dinar (a significantly valued coin, much more than a pruta) and she says to him, "This Dinar is for you a present by which I will be betrothed to you," and he accepts it; and he says back to her, "Harei, you are betrothed to me with the pleasure you received from my accepting this gift from you," if he is an important man, they are betrothed since the enjoyment she received (is worth more than a sheva pruta) is directly from him, and with this pleasure, she is accepting it like money from him; however, this transaction needs to be studied by a Chacham as to his status (as an 'important man') if he were not important, (their betrothal would be invalid, and) they would not need a Get (for her to be free). [ Rema: And there are strict opinions whereby even if she did not initially say, "that I gave you and I will be betrothed to you," only that she gave him this gift stam (without words) and he declared "You are betrothed to me etc." then they are betrothed.

י שִׁעוּר הַכֶּסֶף שֶׁמְּקַדְּשִׁין בּוֹ, מִשְׁקַל חֲצִי שְׂעוֹרָה כֶּסֶף צָרוּף. עַיֵּן בְּיוֹרֶה דֵעָה סִימָן רצ"ד סָעִיף ו' שִׁעוּר שְׁוֵה פְּרוּטָה:

10 The minimum amount of money that can be used for a valid betrothal is the weight of half a barely's worth of pure silver (at the current exchange rate).

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