Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer Siman 30

Siman 30

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א הַמְקַדֵּשׁ אֶת הָאִשָּׁה בְּכֶסֶף אוֹ בִּשְׁטָר, אֵינוֹ צָרִיךְ שֶׁיִּתֵּן הַקִּדּוּשִׁין לְתוֹךְ יָדָהּ, אֶלָּא כֵּיוָן שֶׁרָצְתָה לִזְרֹק לָהּ קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ, וּזְרָקָן, בֵּין לְתוֹךְ יָדָהּ בֵּין לְתוֹךְ חֵיקָהּ אוֹ לְתוֹךְ חֲצֵרָהּ אוֹ לְתוֹךְ שָׂדֶה שֶׁלָּהּ, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:

1 One who betroths a woman with money or a contract doesn't need to give the betrothing-object into her hand, rather, since she wants him to throw her the betrothing-object and he throws it, whether into her hand or into her lap or into her courtyard or into her field, she is betrothed.

ב הָיְתָה עוֹמֶדֶת בִּרְשׁוּת הַבַּעַל, צָרִיךְ שֶׁיִּתֵּן לְתוֹךְ יָדָהּ אוֹ לְתוֹךְ חֵיקָהּ. הַגָּה: הִשְׁאִיל לָהּ הַבַּעַל מָקוֹם בַּחֲצֵרוֹ, דִּינוֹ כְּמוֹ לְעִנְיַן גֵּרוּשִׁין. וְעַיֵּן לְקַמָּן סִי' קל"ט סָעִיף י"א:

2 If she was standing on property owned by the husband, he has to put the kiddushin (money or writ) into her hand or her lap. Rema: If the husband lent her an area in his courtyard, the law is the as with [handing over a writ of] divorce. Vide infra chapter 139 se'if 11).

ג הָיְתָה עוֹמֶדֶת בִּרְשׁוּת שֶׁהִיא שֶׁל שְׁנֵיהֶם, וְזָרַק לָהּ קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ מִדַּעְתָּהּ וְלֹא הִגִּיעוּ לְיָדָהּ אוֹ לְחֵיקָהּ, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת קִדּוּשֵׁי סָפֵק. וַאֲפִלּוּ אָמְרָה לוֹ: הַנַּח קִדּוּשַׁי עַל מָקוֹם זֶה, וְאוֹתוֹ הַמָּקוֹם שֶׁל שְׁנֵיהֶם, הֲרֵי אֵלּוּ קִדּוּשֵׁי סָפֵק:

3 If she was standing in property belonging to the two of them, and he tossed her the kiddushin [money or writ] with her knowledge, but it did not land in her hand or lap, she is married doubtfully. Even is she told him, "Set my kiddushin in this place," and that place belonged to both, this is a doubtful kiddushin (marriage).

ד הָיְתָה עוֹמֶדֶת בְּסִמְטָא (פי', שְׁבִיל שֶׁל יָחִיד) אוֹ בְּצִדֵּי רְשׁוּת הָרַבִּים, וּזְרָקָם לְתוֹךְ אַרְבַּע אַמּוֹתֶיהָ, מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְאִם נִשְׁאֲרוּ תּוֹךְ ד' אַמּוֹתָיו, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, אֲפִלּוּ נִכְנְסָה הִיא לְתוֹךְ ד' אַמּוֹתָיו, כֵּיוָן שֶׁקָּדַם הוּא לְתוֹכָם זָכָה בָּהֶם וְהֵם שֶׁלּוֹ:

4 If she was standing in an alley (meaning a path belonging to an individual) or in the sides of public property, and he threw them [the kiddushin] into her surrounding 4 cubits, she is married. But if they remained in his surrounding 4 cubits, she is not married. Even if she entered into those 4 cubits, because he preceded her there and already [re]acquired the [kiddushin] items and they belong to him.

ה הָיוּ עוֹמְדִים בִּרְשׁוּת הָרַבִּים אוֹ בִּרְשׁוּת שֶׁאֵינָהּ שֶׁל שְׁנֵיהֶם, וְזָרַק לָהּ קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ קָרוֹב לוֹ, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. קָרוֹב לָהּ, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. מֶחֱצָה לְמֶחֱצָה, אוֹ שֶׁהָיוּ סָפֵק קָרוֹב לוֹ סָפֵק קָרוֹב לָהּ, וְאָבְדוּ קֹדֶם שֶׁהִגִּיעוּ לְיָדָהּ, הֲרֵי זוֹ סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. כֵּיצַד הוּא קָרוֹב לוֹ וְקָרוֹב לָהּ, כָּל שֶׁהוּא יָכוֹל לִשְׁמֹר אוֹתָם וְהִיא אֵינָהּ יְכוֹלָה, זֶהוּ קָרוֹב לוֹ. הִיא יְכוֹלָה לִשְׁמֹר אוֹתָם וְהוּא אֵינוֹ יָכוֹל, זֶה הוּא קָרוֹב לָהּ. שְׁנֵיהֶם יְכוֹלִים לִשְׁמֹר אוֹתָם, אוֹ שְׁנֵיהֶם אֵינָם יְכוֹלִים לִשְׁמֹר, זֶהוּ מֶחֱצָה לְמֶחֱצָה:

5 If they were standing in a public domain or in a domain that did not belong to either of them, and he tossed her the kiddushin, if it is closer to him, she is not betrothed. If it was closer to her, she is betrothed. If equidistant, or there was doubt as to whether it was closer to him or closer to her, and the kiddushin money was then lost before it arrived in her hands, she is doubtfully betrothed. How do we define closer to him or closer to her? Items which he can guard and she cannot guard are deemed as closer to him. If she can guard them and he cannot, it is closer to her. If both can guard the items or neither can guard them, this is defined as half and half.

ו זָרַק לָהּ קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ, אֲפִלּוּ לְתוֹךְ חֵיקָהּ, וְלֹא שְׁקַלְתִּינְהוּ אֶלָּא אִשְׁתִיקָה, יֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר שֶׁאֵינוֹ כְּלוּם כֵּיוָן דְּלָא אַרְצָאִי מֵעִקָּרָא לְאִקַּדּוֹשֵׁי לֵהּ:

6 If he tossed the kiddushin money to her, even into her lap, but she did not pick it up, and remained silent, there is an authority who says that the action is negligible because she did not previously agree to become betrothed to him.

ז אָמַר לָהּ: הִתְקַדְּשִׁי לִי בְּדִינָר זֶה, נְטַלְתּוֹ וּזְרַקְתּוֹ לַיָּם בְּפָנָיו, אוֹ לָאוּר אוֹ לְכָל דָּבָר הָאָבֵד, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְאֵין צָרִיךְ לוֹמַר אִם זְרַקְתּוֹ בְּפָנָיו לְמָקוֹם שֶׁאֵינוֹ אָבֵד, שֶׁזֶּה מוֹכִיחַ שֶׁאֵינָהּ חֲפֵצָה בַּקִּדּוּשִׁין. וְעַיֵּן לְקַמָּן סִימָן מ"ג סָעִיף א':

7 If he said to her: Be betrothed to me with this Dinar, and she picked it up and threw it into the sea before him, or into the air or any [place where it would be] lost, she is not betrothed. And it is not necessary to mention if she threw it before him to a place [where it would] not be lost, for this proves that she does not desire betrothal [with him]. And see below Siman 43 Saif 1.

ח אָמַר לָהּ: הִתְקַדְּשִׁי לִי בְּמָנֶה, אָמְרָה: תְּנֵהוּ לְאַבָּא, אוֹ לְאָבִיךָ, אוֹ לִפְלוֹנִי, וּנְתָנוֹ לָהֶם, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאָמַר לָהּ: הִתְקַדְּשִׁי לִי בְּמָנֶה שֶׁנָּתַתִּי לָהֶם, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. אֲבָל אִם אָמְרָה: שֶׁיְּקַבְּלוּם לִי, מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, אֲפִלּוּ לֹא חָזַר וְאָמַר: הִתְקַדְּשִׁי לִי בְּמָנֶה שֶׁנָּתַתִּי לָהֶם:

8 If he said to her, be betrothed to me by a portion, and she said: Give it to my father, or to your father, or to so-and-so, and he gave it to them, even if he said to her: Be betrothed to me by the portion that I gave to them, she is not betrothed. But if she said: They they may accept it for me, she is betrothed, even if he did not respond and say: Be betrothed to me by the portion that I gave to them.

ט הִתְקַדְּשִׁי לִי בְּמָנֶה, וְאָמְרָה לוֹ: הַנִּיחֵהוּ עַל הַסֶלַע, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְאִם הָיָה סֶלַע שֶׁלָּהּ, מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דַּוְקָא בְּיִחֲדָה לוֹ הַסֶּלַע, כְּגוֹן שֶׁאָמְרָה לוֹ: תֵּן עַל סֶלַע פְּלוֹנִי אוֹ עַל סֶלַע שֶׁלִּי, אֲבָל אָמְרָה סְתָם: עַל הַסֶּלַע, וְנָתַן עַל שֶׁלָּהּ, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרַמָ"ה). הָיָה סֶלַע שֶׁל שְׁנֵיהֶם, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת בְּסָפֵק. הַגָּה: וְהָרֹא"שׁ (בֵּית יוֹסֵף בִּשְׁמוֹ) וְהַתּוֹסָפוֹת (טוּר בִּשְׁמָם) מְפָרְשִׁים דְּכָל זֶה מַיְרֵי שֶׁנָּתַן אַחַר כָּךְ לְתוֹךְ חֵיקָהּ בִּשְׁתִיקָה, אֲפִלּוּ הָכִי אִם אָמְרָה תְּחִלָּה: תֵּן עַל סֶלַע, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, וּבְסֶלַע שֶׁלָּהּ וְכוּ':

9 [If he said:] Be betrothed to my by a portion, and she said: Leave it on the rock, she is not betrothed. And if it was her rock, she is betrothed. And there are those who say [this applies] specifically if she identified the rock for him, as [is the case if] she said to him: Put it on such and such a rock or on my rock, but if she said simply: On the rock, and he put it on her [rock], she is not betrothed (Tur in the name of the Ramah). If the rock belonged to them both, behold she is doubtfully betrothed. Rema: And the Rosh (Beit Yosef in his name) and the Tosafot (Tur in their name) explain that all this pertains if he after gave it into her lap in silence, even in this case if she first said: Put in on a rock, she is not betrothed, and on her rock etc.

י הִתְקַדְּשִׁי לִי בְּכִכָּר זֶה, וְאָמְרָה לוֹ: תְּנֵהוּ לְעָנִי פְּלוֹנִי, אֲפִלּוּ הָיָה עָנִי הַסָמוּךְ עָלֶיהָ, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְגַם זֶה מַיְרִי שֶׁנְּתָנוֹ אַחַר כָּךְ בְּחֵיקָהּ (טוּר):

10 [If he said:] Be betrothed to me by this loaf of bread, and she said to him: Give it to such and such a poor person, even if the poor person was next to her, she is not betrothed. And this also pertains [to the case in which] he afterwards put it in her lap (Tur).

יא הִתְקַדְּשִׁי לִי בְּכִכָּר זֶה, וְאָמְרָה לוֹ: תְּנֵהוּ לְכֶלֶב זֶה, אִם הָיָה הַכֶּלֶב שֶׁלָּהּ, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְאִם לָאו, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְאִם הָיָה רָץ אַחֲרֶיהָ לְנָשְׁכָהּ, הֲרֵי זוֹ סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. הַגָּה: וְגַם זֶה מַיְרֵי בִּכְהַאי גַּוְנָא שֶׁנָּתַן אַחַר כָּךְ בְּחֵיקָהּ (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הַתּוֹסָפוֹת). אָמְרָה הִיא מִתְּחִלָּה: תֵּן כִּכָּר לַכֶּלֶב, אוֹ תֵּן דִּינָר עַל הַסֶּלַע, וְאֶתְקַדֵּשׁ אֲנִי לְךְ, יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּדִינוֹ כְּאָמְרָה: תֵּן דִּינָר לִפְלוֹנִי (טוּר בְּשֵׁם יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים), וּכְמוֹ שֶׁנִּתְבָּאֵר לְעֵיל סִימָן כ"ט סָעִיף ב', וְיֵשׁ לְהַחֲמִיר בַּדָּבָר (טוּר):

11 [If he said:] Be betrothed to me by this loaf of bread, and she said to him: Give it to this dog, if it was her dog, behold she is betrothed. And if not, she is not betrothed. And if it was running after her to bite her, behold she is doubtfully betrothed. Rema: And this also applies similarly if he afterwards put it in her lap (Tur in the name of the Tosafot). If she first said: Give the loaf of bread to the dog, or put a Dinar on the rock, and I will be betrothed to you, there are those who say the ruling is as if she said: Give a Dinar to so-and-so (Tur in the name of Yesh Omrim), and as was explained above Siman 29 Saif 2, and one should be stringent in the matter (Tur).

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