ו כְּשֶׁרוֹצִין לַעֲשׂוֹת הַבְטָחוֹת לְשִׁדּוּכִין, עוֹשִׂים בְּעִנְיָן שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא אַסְמַכְתָּא, דְּהַיְנוּ שֶׁעוֹשִׂים שְׁטָר מִזֶּה שֶׁחַיָּב לַחֲבֵרוֹ מָנֶה, וְאַחַר שֶׁחִיֵּב עַצְמוֹ מָנֶה (מַתְנֶה עִם אֲבִי הַכַּלָּה) שֶׁאִם יְקַיֵּם הַשִּׁדּוּכִין וְיִכָּנֵס לָחֻפָּה עִם מְשֻׁדַּכְתּוֹ זֹאת הֲרֵי הַחוֹב מָחוּל לוֹ, וְאַחַר כָּךְ עוֹשִׂים שְׁטָר שֶׁחֲבֵרוֹ חַיָּב לָזֶה מָנֶה, וּמַתְנֶה עִמּוֹ שֶׁאִם יַכְנִיס בִּתּוֹ לְחֻפָּה עִם זֶה הַמְשֻׁדָּךְ יְהֵא הַחוֹב מָחוּל לוֹ, וּמַנִּיחִים שְׁנֵי שְׁטָרוֹת אֵלּוּ בְּיַד שָׁלִישׁ. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּכָל קְנָסוֹת שֶׁעוֹשִׂים בְּשִׁדּוּכִין אֵין בָּהֶם מִשּׁוּם אַסְמַכְתָּא (תּוֹסָפוֹת פֶּרֶק אֵיזֶהוּ נֶשֶׁךְ וְהָרֹא"שׁ פֶּרֶק ד' דִּנְדָרִים). וְכֵן הַמִּנְהָג פָּשׁוּט לִגְבּוֹת קְנָסוֹת שֶׁעוֹשִׂין בְּשִׁדּוּכִין, וּכְמוֹ שֶׁיִּתְבָּאֵר בְּחשֶׁן הַמִּשְׁפָּט סִימָן ר"ז. וְדַוְקָא אִם כְּבָר נִכְתְּבוּ שִׁטְרֵי הַקְּנָסוֹת, אֲבָל אִם קִבְּלוּ קִנְיָן עַל מְנָת לִכְתֹּב הַשְּׁטָרוֹת, וְקֹדֶם שֶׁנִּכְתְּבוּ חָזַר אֶחָד בָּהֶם וּמִחָה בָּעֵדִים שֶׁלֹּא לִכְתֹּב הַשְּׁטָרוֹת, הָרְשׁוּת בְּיָדוֹ לִמְחוֹת בַּשְּׁטָר (תְּשׁוּבַת הָרֹא"שׁ כְּלָל ל"ד), וּכְמוֹ שֶׁיִּתְבָּאֵר בְּחשֶׁן הַמִּשְׁפָּט סִימָן ל"ט וְסִימָן רמ"ג. יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּמִי שֶׁפּוֹסֵק עַל בִּתּוֹ (שָׁם כְּלָל מ"ג) אוֹ עַל בַּת בִּתּוֹ (הָרַשְׁבָּ"א סִימָן תשע"א) אוֹ קְרוֹבָתוֹ שֶׁתִּנָּשֵׂא לִפְלוֹנִי, וְאַחַר כָּךְ אֵין הַבַּת רוֹצָה, דְּהַפּוֹסֵק פָּטוּר מִן הַקְּנָס, דְּזֶה מִקְּרֵי אֹנֶס אַף עַל גַּב דְּלֹא הִתְנָה, וּבִלְבַד שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא עָרְמָה בַּדָּבָר. וְעַיֵּן לְקַמָּן סוֹף סִימָן ע"ז. וְכֵן בִּשְׁאָר אֳנָסִים, כְּגוֹן שֶׁמֵּת הַפּוֹסֵק, אֵין יוֹרְשִׁים צְרִיכִין לְקַיֵּם, וּפְטוּרִים מִן הַקְּנָס. וְדַוְקָא בִּפְסִיקָא בְּעָלְמָא פְּטוּרִים מִן הַקְּנָס, אֲבָל אִם נִתְחַיֵּב עַצְמוֹ בִּשְׁטָר, חַיָּבִין יוֹרְשָׁיו לְשַׁלֵּם, וְלָא מְהַנֵּי אֹנֶס, וְעַיֵּן לְקַמָּן סִימָן נ"א (שָׁם תִּמְצָאֶנּוּ). שְׁנַיִם שֶׁשִּׁדְּכוּ בֵּינֵיהֶם וְהָיוּ דָּרִים בְּעִיר אַחַת וְעָשׂוּ קְנָס בֵּינֵיהֶם, וְאַחַר כָּךְ יָצָא אֶחָד מִן הָעִיר וְרָצָה שֶׁהַשֵּׁנִי יֵלֵךְ אַחֲרָיו לְקַדֵּשׁ, אִם אֵינוֹ רוֹצֶה, פָּטוּר מִן הַקְּנָס (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן קע"ז וּבִתְשׁוּבַת הָרַמְבַּ"ן סִימָן רע"ח). וְעַיֵּן בְּחשֶׁן הַמִּשְׁפָּט סִימָן י"ב (סָעִיף ט') אִם רוֹצֶה הָעוֹבֵר לִתֵּן הַקְּנָס, אִם מְחֻיָּב לְקַיֵּם הַדָּבָר מִצַּד קִבּוּל הַקִּנְיָן:
6 When one wishes to make assurances for a marriage promise, one should make them in a manner that they are not asmakhta (based on unlikely future events). That is, one makes a document from this [party] that he owes his friend a maneh, and afterwards he obligates himself a maneh (making a condition with the father of the bride) that if the marriage promise is fulfilled and he enters into the marriage canopy with this woman to whom he is promised, the debt is forgiven, and afterwards they make a document that his friend is obligated a maneh to the other, and make a condition with him that if he brings his daughter into the marriage canopy with the man to whom she is promised, the debt will be forgiven, and they place these two documents in the hand of a third. Rema: Some say that any fines one makes regarding marriage promises are unproblematic from the perspective of asmakhta (Tosafot ch. What is neshekh and the Rosh, Nedarim ch. 4). And similarly, the widespread custom is to collect fines that one makes regarding marriage promises, as will be explained in Hoshen Mishpat 207. This is only if they already wrote fine documents, but if they have only accepted an obligation to write documents, and before they wrote them one of the parties backs out, and refuses in front of witnesses to write the documents, he has permission to do so (Responsa of the Rosh 34), as will be explained in Hoshen Mishpat 39 and 243. Some say that someone who commits that his daughter (ibid., 43) or daughter of his daughter (Rashba 771), or a female relative should be married to so-and-so, and afterwards the girl doesn't wish [to go through with the marriage], that the one who comitted is exempt from the fine, because this is called "duress" even though he didn't make [the commitment] on condition, as long as there is no deception in the case. And see below the end of 77. And likewise other kinds of duress, e.g., the one who made the commitment died, the inheritors need not follow through, and are exempt from the fine. They are exempt from the fine only regarding a general commitment, but if he had committed himself with a document, his inheritors are obligated to pay, and duress is not a legally-admissible factor, see below 51 (there it will be found). Two parties who made wedding promises between them, and they used to live in one city, and they agreed to fines between them, and afterwards one of them left the city and the second wanted to pursue him to get engaged, if [the first] doesn't want [to follow through], he is exempt from the fine (Rivash 177 and Responsum of the Ramban 278). And see Hoshen Mishpat 12(:9) if the transgressor wishes to pay the fine, whether he is obligated to establish the matter through acceptance of ownership.