Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer Siman 74

Siman 74

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א הִדִּירָהּ שֶׁלֹּא תִּתְקַשֵּׁט, וּתְלָאוֹ בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ, שֶׁאָמַר: קוּנָם הֲנָאַת תַּשְׁמִישֵׁךְ עָלַי אִם תִּתְקַשְּׁטִי, תִּתְקַשֵּׁט מִיָּד וְתֵאָסֵר בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ, וִיקַיֵּם שִׁבְעָה יָמִים וְאָז יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁאִם הִדִּירָהּ שֶׁלֹּא תִּתְקַשֵּׁט, בַּעֲנִיּוֹת, שָׁנָה אַחַת יְקַיֵּם, יוֹתֵר מִכֵּן יַתִּיר נִדְרוֹ אוֹ יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה; וּבַעֲשִׁירוֹת, שְׁלשִׁים יוֹם יְקַיֵּם, יוֹתֵר מִכֵּן יַתִּיר אֶת נִדְרוֹ אוֹ יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה:

1 If he placed her under a vow not to adorn herself, and conditioned it on intercourse, saying, "Konam (a term similar to consecration indicating that an item is forbidden by vow) the pleasure of intercourse with you is forbidden to me if you adorn yourself," she should adorn herself immediately thereby interdicting intercourse, and he maintains the marriage for 7 days, and then divorces her, and must pay the ketubah. Some authorities say that if he placed her under a vow not to adorn herself, poor wives (who may not have other sources of food) are maintained for one year, but more than one year he should either obtain annulment of the vow or divorce with payment of ketubah. With rich women, he should maintain them for 1 month, but more than this he should either obtain annulment of the vow or divorce with payment of ketubah.

ב נָדְרָה הִיא שֶׁלֹּא תִּתְקַשֵּׁט, אוֹ שֶׁאָמְרָה: קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי אִם אֶתְקַשֵּׁט, וְשָׁמַע וְלֹא הֵפֵר לָהּ, יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה. וְעַיֵּן עוֹד חִלּוּקֵי דִּינִים אֵלּוּ בְּיוֹרֶה דֵּעָה סִימָן רל"ה:

2 [If] she vowed to not wear jewelry, or she says, "A Konam vow upon me [that I can't have benefit from] your relations if I wear jewelry", and he heard and did not annul it, he must divorce her and give her [the value] of her Ketubah. And see further distinctions in these laws in Yoreh Dei'ah Siman 235

ג אָסַר הַבַּעַל כְּלֵי שְׁכֵנָיו עָלָיו, אוֹ כֵּלָיו עַל שְׁכֵנָיו, כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא תַּשְׁאִילֵם וְלֹא תִּשְׁאַל מֵהֶן; אוֹ שֶׁאָמְרָה הִיא: קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי אִם אֶשְׁאַל מִשְּׁכֵנַי כֵּלִים אוֹ אַשְׁאִילֵם מִכֵּלַי, וְשָׁמַע וְקִיֵּם לָהּ, יוֹצִיא מִיָּד וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה. וְאִם אָמַר הוּא: קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישֵׁךְ עָלַי אִם תִּשְׁאַל מֵהֶם כֵּלִים אוֹ תַּשְׁאִילֵם, אִי אֶפְשָׁר לָהּ שֶׁלֹּא תִּשְׁאַל מֵהֶם וְלֹא תַּשְׁאִילֵם, וַהֲרֵי הִיא נֶאֶסְרָה מִיָּד, וְיוֹצִיא לְאַחַר שִׁבְעָה יָמִים וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה. וְאִם הִיא אָסְרָה כְּלֵי שְׁכֵנֵיהָ עָלֶיהָ כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא תִּשְׁאַל מֵהֶם, אוֹ שֶׁאָסְרָה עַל עַצְמָהּ כְּלֵי בַּעֲלָהּ שֶׁלֹּא תּוּכַל לְהַשְׁאִילֵם, כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יַחֲזִיקוּ לָהֶם טוֹבָה, אוֹ שֶׁנָּדְרָה שֶׁלֹּא לֶאֱרֹג בְּגָדִים נָאִים לְבָנָיו, וְהוּא אֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לְהָפֵר שֶׁאֵין זֶה מִדְּבָרִים שֶׁבֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ, וַאֲסוּרָה לֶאֱרֹג וְלִשְׁאֹל וּלְהַשְׁאִיל כֵּלִים, תֵּצֵא בְּלֹא כְּתֻבָּה, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁמַשִּׂיאָתוֹ שֵׁם רָע בִּשְׁכֵנָיו:

3 If the husband forbade the neighbors utensils on himself, or his utensils on his neighbors, so that they should not borrow them or he should not lend to them, or if he she said, "A Konam vow upon me [that I can't get benefit from] your relations if I borrow vessels from my neighbors or lend them my vessels", and he heard and established [the vow], he must divorce her and give her [the value of] her Ketubah. And if he said, "A Konam vow upon me [that I can't get benefit from] your relations if you borrow vessels from them or you [lend] to them, [since] it is impossible that she will not borrow from them or [lend] to them, and behold she is forbidden to him immediately, and he must divorce her after seven days and give her [the value of] her Ketuba. And if she forbade the neighbors vessels on herself [through a vow] so that she would not borrow from them, or she forbade her husband's vessels on her so that she would not be able to borrow them, so that she should not increase their good, or she vowed to not weave nice clothing for his children, and he is not able to annul it because this is not a matter between him and her, and [therefore] she is forbidden from weaving and borrowing and lending vessels, she must be divorced without a Ketuba, because she has increased a bad reputation among his neighbors.

ד נָדְרָה שֶׁלֹּא תֵּלֵךְ לְבֵית אָבִיהָ, וּתְלָאַתּוּ בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ, שֶׁאָמְרָה: קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי אִם אֵלֵךְ לְבֵית אָבִי; שֶׁאִם לֹא תְּלָאַתּוּ בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ אֶלָּא אָמְרָה: קוּנָם בֵּית אָבִי עָלַי, אֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לְהָפֵר, אֶלָּא כֵּיוָן שֶׁתְּלָאַתּוּ בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ יָכוֹל לְהָפֵר; וְכֵיוָן שֶׁשָּׁמַע וְלֹא הֵפֵר, יוֹצִיא מִיָּד וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה. וְאִם הוּא אוֹמֵר: קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישֵׁךְ עָלַי אִם תֵּלְכִי לְבֵית אָבִיךְ יוֹתֵר מֵחֹדֶשׁ, אִם הוּא דָּר עִמָּהּ בָּעִיר, אוֹ יוֹתֵר מֵרֶגֶל אִם הוּא דָּר בְּעִיר אַחֶרֶת, יְקַיֵּם שִׁבְעָה יָמִים וְאָז יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה:

4 If she took a vow not to go to her father's house, and she made the vow dependent on sex, in that she said: Konam will be the sex that you have with me if I go to my father's house; For if she had not made it dependent on sex but rather had said: Konam is my father's house to me, he could not annul the vow, but since she made it dependent on sex he can annul. And if he hears and he doesn't annul, he must divorce her immediately and give her the ketubah. And if he says: Konam the sex that you have with me if you go to your father's house, if the vow is for more than a month and he lives in the same town, or more than the time to the next festival and he lives in another town, he may uphold the vow for seven days and then he must divorce her and give her the ketubah.

ה נָדְרָה הִיא וְאָמְרָה: קוּנָם הֲנָאַת תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי אִם אֵלֵךְ לְבֵית הָאֵבֶל אוֹ לְבֵית הַמִּשְׁתֶּה, וְשָׁמַע וְלֹא הֵפֵר, יוֹצִיא מִיָּד וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה:

5 If she vowed and said: Konam is enjoyment of sex with you if I go to a house of mourning or to a house of feasting, and he heard and did not interrupt, he must divorce her immediately and give her the ketubah.

ו וְאִם הִדִּיר הוּא, שֶׁאָמַר: קוּנָם הֲנָאַת תַּשְׁמִישֵׁךְ עָלַי אִם תֵּלְכִי, יוֹצִיא לְאַחַר שִׁבְעָה יָמִים וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּהּ. וְאִם טוֹעֵן: הִדַּרְתִּיהָ בִּשְׁבִיל בְּנֵי אָדָם פְּרוּצִים הַמְּצוּיִים שָׁם, אִם הֻחְזְקוּ שָׁם, נֶאֱמָן; וְאִם לָאו, אֵינוֹ נֶאֱמָן:

6 If he vows saying I won't have any benefit from your service to me if you leave, after seven days he divorces her and pays her wedding contract payment. And if he claims: I returned to her because there are promiscuous people there, if that is established to be true there, then he is believed, and if not, he isn't believed

ז הִדִּירָהּ שֶׁלֹּא תֵּלֵךְ לְמֶרְחָץ בַּכְּרַכִּים שַׁבָּת אַחַת, וּבַכְּפָרִים שְׁתֵּי שַׁבָּתוֹת. שֶׁלֹּא תִּנְעַל מִנְעָל בַּכְּפָרִים שְׁלשָׁה יָמִים, וּבַכְּרַכִּים מֵעֵת לְעֵת. יָתֵר עַל כֵּן (יַתִּיר אֶת נִדְרוֹ אוֹ) יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה:

7 If he banned her from going to the bathhouse for one week in the city, or for two weeks in the villages; that she not wear shoes for three days in the villages, or for 24 hours in the city Rema: he must release his vow or divorce her and grant her dower.

ח הִדִּירָהּ וְאָמַר לָהּ: קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישֵׁךְ עָלַי אִם תֵּלְכִי לְבֵית הַמֶּרְחָץ בַּכְּרַכִּים יוֹתֵר מִשַּׁבָּת אַחַת, וּבַכְּפָרִים יוֹתֵר מִשְּׁתֵּי שַׁבָּתוֹת; אוֹ אִם תִּנְעֲלִי מִנְעָל בַּכְּפָרִים יוֹתֵר מִשְּׁלשָׁה יָמִים, וּבַכְּרַכִּים יוֹתֵר מֵעֵת לְעֵת; יַמְתִּין שִׁבְעָה יָמִים וְאַחַר כָּךְ יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה:

8 If he made a condition for her that she should not go to the washhouse, in the cities, one week, and in the villages, two weeks; that she should not wear a shoe, in the village, three days, and in the cities, for a [24 hour] time. More than this (he should annul his condition or) he should remove her and give her the [value of her] marriage document.

ט הָאוֹמֵר לְאִשְׁתּוֹ: אֵין רְצוֹנִי שֶׁיָּבוֹאוּ לְבֵיתִי אָבִיךְ וְאִמֵּךְ וְאַחַיִךְ וְאַחְיוֹתַיִךְ, שׁוֹמְעִין לוֹ, וְתִהְיֶה הִיא הוֹלֶכֶת לָהֶם כְּשֶׁאֵרַע לָהֶם דָּבָר; וְתֵלֵךְ לְבֵית אָבִיהָ פַּעַם אַחַת בְּחֹדֶשׁ, וּבְכָל רֶגֶל; וְלֹא יִכָּנְסוּ הֵם לָהּ, אֶלָּא אִם אֵרַע לָהּ דָּבָר, כְּגוֹן חֹלִי אוֹ לֵדָה:

9 When someone says to his wife, "I do not want your father, your mother, your brother, or your sister to come to my house," they listen to him. It will be [the wife] who goes when an event happens to them. She will go to her father's house once a month and on every festival. They will not enter her house unless something happens to her like an illness or birth.

י וְכֵן הִיא שֶׁאָמְרָה: אֵין רְצוֹנִי שֶׁיָּבוֹאוּ לְבֵיתִי אָבִיךָ וְאִמְּךָ אַחֶיךָ וְאַחְיוֹתֶיךָ, וְאֵינִי שׁוֹכֶנֶת עִמָּהֶם בְּחָצֵר אֶחָד, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁמְּרֵעִין לִי וּמְצֵרִין לִי, שׁוֹמְעִין לָהּ. הַגָּה: וְדַוְקָא שֶׁנִּרְאֶה בְּבֵית דִּין שֶׁיֵּשׁ מַמָּשׁ בִּדְבָרֶיהָ, שֶׁהֵם מְרֵעִין לָהּ וְגוֹרְמִין קְטָטָה בֵּינָהּ לְבַעֲלָהּ; אֲבָל בְּלָאו הָכִי, אֵין שׁוֹמְעִין לָהּ, דְּהָא הַמָּדוֹר אֵינָהּ שֶׁלָּהּ רַק שֶׁל בַּעֲלָהּ (הַמַּגִּיד מִשְׁנֶה פֶּרֶק י"ג דְּאִשּׁוּת). וְנוֹהֲגִין לְהוֹשִׁיב עִמָּהֶם אִישׁ אוֹ אִשָּׁה נֶאֱמָנִים, וְתָדוּר עִמָּהֶם עַד שֶׁיִּתְבָּרֵר עַל יְדֵי מִי נִתְגַּלְגֵּל הָרִיב וְהַקְּטָטָה:

10 When she says, "I do not want your father, your mother, your brother, or your sister to come to my house, and I will not live in with them in the same courtyard since they are bad to me and torment me," they listen to her. [Rem'a: Only when it appears to the court that there is something to what she says, since they are bad to her they will cause strife between her and her husband. If this is not the case, they do not listen to her for the home is not hers, rather it belongs to the husband. The custom is to place a trustworthy man or woman among them, and she will live them until it becomes clear who causes the strife.]

יא הָאִישׁ שֶׁאָמַר: אֵינִי דָּר בְּמָבוֹי זֶה מִפְּנֵי שֶׁבְּנֵי אָדָם רָעִים, אוֹ פְּרֻצִּים, אוֹ כּוּתִים בִּשְׁכוּנָתִי, וַאֲנִי מִתְיָרֵא מֵהֶם, שׁוֹמְעִין לוֹ, וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁלֹּא הֻחְזְקוּ בִּפְרִיצוּת; וַאֲפִלּוּ הָיָה הַמָּדוֹר שֶׁלָּהּ, מוֹצִיאִין אוֹתָהּ מִמֶּנּוּ:

11 When a man says, "I will not live on this block since the people are bad, there are robbers, or that there are gentiles in my neighborhood, and I am afraid of them," they listen to him, even though it is not known for robberies. Even if the lodging is hers, they take her from it.

יב וְכֵן הִיא שֶׁאָמְרָה כֵּן, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהוּא אוֹמֵר: אֵינִי מַקְפִּיד עֲלֵיהֶם, שׁוֹמְעִין לָהּ. אִישׁ הַמַּכֶּה אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ אוֹ הִיא מְקַלַּלְתּוֹ, עַיֵּן דִּינוֹ לְקַמָּן סִימָן קנ"ד:

12 If she says this, even if he says, "I am not afraid of them," they listen to her. [A man who hits his wife or she curses him, see the law further on in siman 145.]

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