Remembering the destruction of the Temple

Siman 126: Remembering the destruction of the Temple

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א מִשֶּׁחָרַב בֵּית הַמִּקְדָּשׁ תִּקְּנוּ חֲכָמֵינוּ זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה שֶׁבְּכָל שִׂמְחָה יְהֵא בָּהּ זֵכֶר לַחֻרְבָּן, כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב, אִם אֶשְׁכָּחֵךְ יְרוּשָׁלַיִם וְגוֹ' אִם לֹא אַעֲלֶה אֶת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם עַל רֹאשׁ שִׂמְחָתִי. וְגָזְרוּ שֶׁלֹּא יִבְנֶה לוֹ יִשְֹרָאֵל בִּנְיָן מְסֻיָּד וּמְצֻיָּר כְּבִנְיָן הַמְּלָכִים. וְלֹא יְסַיֵּד אֶת כָּל בֵּיתוֹ בְּסִיד, אֶלָּא טָח בֵּיתוֹ בְּטִיט וְסָד בְּסִיד, וּמַנִּיחַ בּוֹ אַמָּה עַל אַמָּה כְּנֶגֶד הַפֶּתַח בְּלֹא סִיד, כְּדֵי לִזְכֹּר הַחֻרְבָּן. וּמַה שֶׁלֹּא נָהֲגוּ כֵן עַתָּה, לֹא יָדַעְנוּ טַעַם בָּרוּר.
1 After the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed, our Sages, of blessed memory, ordained that on every joyous occasion, there should be a remembrance of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash, as it is written: "If I forget you, Jerusalem, if I fail to elevate Jerusalem above my foremost joy" (Psalms 137:5). They decreed that no Jew should build a house for himself that is lime-plastered and decorated like a royal palace. Neither should he lime plaster his entire house, but he may plaster the house, with clay and then lime plaster, it (lit. whitewash it), and he should leave a space of one square amah opposite the entrance unplastered, as a reminder of the destruction [of the Beis Hamikdash. ] We do not know of any good reason why people do not observe this custom nowadays.
ב וְכֵן תִּקְּנוּ שֶׁהָעוֹרֵךְ שֻׁלְחָן לַעֲשׂוֹת סְעוּדָה לְאוֹרְחִים, אֲפִלּוּ סְעוּדַת מִצְוָה, לֹא יִתֵּן כָּל הַתַּבְשִׁילִין הָרְאוּיִין לַסְּעוּדָה, וְכֵן הָאִשָּׁה לֹא תִּתְקַשֵּׁט בְּכָל תַּכְשִׁיטֶיהָ בְּפַעַם אֶחָת. וְהֶחָתָן קֹדֶם חֻפָּתוֹ, נוֹתְנִים אֵפֶר עַל רֹאשׁוֹ בִּמְקוֹם הַנָּחַת תְּפִלִּין. וְהַמִּכְסֶה שֶׁמְכַסִּים בָּהּ אֶת הַכַּלָּה, לֹא יִהְיוּ בוֹ חוּטֵי כֶסֶף אוֹ זָהָב. גַּם נוֹהֲגִין שֶׁבִּשְׁעַת כְּתִיבַת הַתְּנָאִין, אַחַר קְרִיאָתָן, שׁוֹבְרִין קְדֵרָה לַעֲשׂוֹת זֵכֶר לַחֻרְבָּן, אֲבָל יֵשׁ לִקַּח קְדֵרָה שְׁבוּרָה. וְתַחַת הַחֻפָּה שׁוֹבֵר הֶחָתָן כְּלִי זְכוּכִית, וְזֶה יָכוֹל לִהְיוֹת כּוֹס שָׁלֵם.
2 They also ordained that if you are setting a table, and are having guests for a meal, even for a meal that is considered a mitzvah, you should not serve all the dishes that are conventionally served at a meal. They also ordained that a woman should not wear all her jewelry at one occasion, and that a bridegroom before the chuppah [wedding ceremony], should have ashes put on his head on the place where the tefillin are worn, and the veil, with which the bride is covered, should not contain any silver or gold threads. It is also customary, that after the tenaim [engagement agreement] has been read to break a plate, as a reminder of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash, but a damaged plate is used (for that purpose). Under the chuppah the bridegroom breaks a glass, and for this purpose, a whole glass may be used.
ג וְכֵן גָּזְרוּ שֶׁלֹּא לִשְׁמוֹעַ שׁוּם כְּלֵי שִׁיר, וַאֲפִלּוּ שִׁיר בַּפֶּה. וְאֵין לְשׁוֹרֵר בַּסְּעוּדָה אֶלָּא הַזְּמִירוֹת שֶׁנִּתְקְנוּ, כְּמוֹ בַשַׁבָּת. אֲבָל פִּיּוּטִים אֲחֵרִים, אָסוּר לְשׁוֹרֵר.
3 They also decreed, that we should not listen to musical instruments not even to the singing of songs. During meals, you should sing only the traditional zemiros [songs of praise], like those we sing on Shabbos; but it is forbidden to sing other songs.
ד הִשָּׁמֵר לְךָ מִלִּרְאוֹת קְנִיגְנָאוֹת (*תרגום: צֵיד חַיּוֹת) שֶׁל עוֹבְדֵי כּוֹכָבִים, וְכֵן מְחוֹלָתָם אוֹ שׁוּם דָּבָר עַל שִׂמְחָתָם. וְאִם תִּשְׁמַע קוֹלָם שְׂמֵחִים, תֵּאָנַח וְתִצְטַעֵר עַל חֻרְבַּן יְרוּשָׁלַיִם, וְתִתְפַּלֵּל לְהַקָדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא עָלֶיהָ, וַאֲפִלּוּ לַקְּנִיגְנָאוֹת שֶׁל יִשְֹרָאֵל, אָסוּר לָלֶכֶת, מִשּׁוּם דַּהֲוֵי מוֹשַׁב לֵצִים (ב"ח חיי"א כלל סג). וְכָל מִינֵי שִׂמְחָה, אָסוּר. אֶלָּא לְשַׂמֵּחַ חָתָן וְכַלָּה, מֻתָּר. בֵּין בְּשִׁיר בַּפֶּה, בֵּין בְּכֵלִים, וְגַם אֵין לִשְׂמֹחַ בְּיוֹתֵר. וְאָסוּר לְאָדָם שֶׁיְמַלֵּא שְׂחוֹק פִּיו בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה, אֲפִלּוּ בְּשִׂמְחָה שֶׁל מִצְוָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר, אָז יִמָּלֵא שְחוֹק פִּינוּ (סִימָן תקס ובחיי"א).
4 Take heed not to attend animal shows presented by non-Jews or their dances or any of their social functions. When you hear them giving voice to their happiness, you should sigh and agonize over the destruction of Jerusalem, and pray for it unto the Holy One blessed is He. Even animal shows presented by Jews, are forbidden because it is a "Gathering of scorners." All kinds of rejoicing are forbidden, except making a groom and a bride happy which may be done both by singing and with musical instruments. But even at a wedding, you should not overdo the merry making. It is forbidden for anybody to laugh exuberantly in this world, even when rejoicing in the performance of a mitzvah, for it is said: " Then our mouth will be filled with laughter" (Psalms 126:2). [When Hashem will return the captivity to Zion].
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