Laws of a bride entering the chuppah

Siman 157: Laws of a bride entering the chuppah

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א אִשָּׁה שֶׁהִיא מְכִינָה אֶת עַצְמָהּ לַנִּשּׂוּאִין, צְרִיכָה לִסְפֹּר תְּחִלָּה שִׁבְעָה נְקִיִים, בֵּין שֶׁהִיא קְטַנָּה שֶׁעֲדַיִן לֹא רָאֲתָה דָם מֵעוֹלָם, בֵּין שֶׁהִיא זְקֵנָה שֶׁכְּבָר פָּסְקָה מִלִּרְאוֹת, מִכָּל מָקוֹם חָיִשֵׁינָן, שֶׁמָּא מֵחֲמַת חִמּוּד יָצְאָה מִמֶּנָּה אֵיזוֹ טִפַּת דָּם וְנֶאֶבְדָה, לָכֵן מַחֲזִיקִים אוֹתָהּ כְּמוֹ נִדָּה מַמָּשׁ. וְגַם לְאַחַר סְפִירַת שִׁבְעָה נְקִיִים, יֶשׁ לָה לִבְדֹּק אֶת עַצְמָהּ בְּכָל יוֹם עַד הַטְּבִילָה, וְכֵן לְאַחַר הַטְּבִילָה עַד בְּעִילַת מִצְוָה.
1 A woman who is preparing herself for her wedding, must first count seven (menstrually) clean days, whether she is a minor who has never perceived blood, or whether she is an aged woman whose flow has long ceased. Nevertheless, we suspect that perhaps because of her anticipation, some drops of blood issued from her and disappeared. Therefore, we regard her as an actual niddah. After having counted the seven clean days, she must examine herself daily until she performs the ritual immersion and also after the immersion, until the ordained consummation of the marital act.
ב אִם נִדְחוּ הַנִּשׂוּאִין מֵחֲמַת אֵיזוֹ סִבָּה, וְאַחַר כָּךְ שׁוּב נִתְפַּשְּׁרוּ לַעֲשׂוֹת הַנִּשׂוּאִין, אַף עַל פִּי שֶסָּפְרָה שִׁבְעָה נְקִיִים בָּרִאשׁוֹנָה, מִכָּל מָקוֹם צְרִיכָה לִסְפֹּר מֵחָדָשׁ, כֵּיוָן שֶנּוֹלַד לָהּ חִמּוּד חָדָשׁ. וַאֲפִלּוּ בָּדְקָה אֶת עַצְמָהּ בְּכָל הַיָמִים שֶׁבֵּינְתַיִם, לָא מַהֲנֵי לָהּ. וְאִם לֹא הָיָה דִחוּי גָמּוּר, אֶלָּא שֶׁלֹּא יָכְלוּ לְהִשְׁתַּוּוֹת בְּעֵסֶק הַנְּדֻנְיָא וְכַדּוֹמֶה, וּמֵחֲמַת זֶה נִתְעַכְּבוּ עַד שֶׁנִּתְפַּשְׁרוּ, אוֹ שֶׁמֵּרְצוֹנָם דָּחוּ הַנִּשׂוּאִין מִיּוֹם שֶׁקְּבָעוּם וְהִגְבִּלוּ יוֹם אַחֵר, יַעֲשׂוּ שְׁאֵלַת חָכָם, אִם שִׁבְעָה נְקִיִים הָרִאשׁוֹנִים מַהֲנֵי לָהּ. אִם נִתְקוֹטְטוּ בִּשְׁעַת הַנִּשׂוּאִין, וְנִכְנַס חָתָן אַחֵר תַּחַת הָרִאשׁוֹן, פְּשִׁיטָא דְּלָא מַהֲנֵי לָהּ שִׁבְעָה נְקִיִים שֶׁסָּפְרָה עַל דַּעַת חָתָן אַחֵר, אֶלָּא אֲפִלּוּ אִם לְאַחַר שֶׁנִּתְרַצּוּ לְחָתָן אַחֵר, שׁוּב נִתְפַּיֵּס הָרִאשׁוֹן, לָא מַהֲנֵי לָה שִׁבְעָה נְקִיִים הָרִאשׁוֹנִים, כֵּיוָן שֶהִסִּחָה דַעְתָּהּ מִמֶּנוּ, אֶלָּא צְרִיכָה לִסְפֹּר מֵחָדָשׁ.
2 If the wedding was cancelled for some reason, and afterward they agreed to hold the wedding, even though she had already counted seven clean days the first time, nevertheless she must count them anew, because a new desire has been created in her. Even if she has examined herself daily during the interval, it is of no avail. If it was not a definite cancellation, but they were unable to agree about the amount of the dowry, or the like, and because of this the wedding was delayed until they came to terms, or if they postponed the wedding by mutual consent, from the original day to a different day, they should consult a poseik to determine if the first clean days are of avail. If they quarreled at the wedding, and another groom took the place of the first, it is self evident that there is no validity to the seven clean days that she counted for the first bridegroom. But even if after consenting to marry the second groom, she became reconciled with the first one, there is no validity to the first seven clean days, because her thoughts were diverted from him. She must count anew, seven clean days.
ג יֵשׁ לִזָּהֵר שֶׁלֹּא תִנָּשֵׂא אִשָּׁה עַד שֶׁתִּטְהַר מִטֻּמְאָתָה (וְעַיֵּן לְקַמָּן סִימָן קנט סָעִיף י וְסִימָן קסב סָעִיף ב וְסִימָן קסו סָעִיף ג) וְאִם הָעֵת דְּחוּקָה וּצְרִיכִין לַעֲשׂוֹת הַנִּשׂוּאִין בְּעוֹדָהּ בְּטֻמְאָתָה, אוֹ אִם אֵרַע שֶפֵּרְסָה נִדָּה לְאַחַר הַחֻפָּה קֹדֶם שֶׁנִּבְעֲלָה, לֹא יִתְיַחֲדוּ בְּלִי שְׁמִירָה עַד שֶׁתִּטְבֹּל. וְנוֹהֲגִין לִקַּח קָטֹן אֵצֶל הֶחָתָן וּקְטַנָּה אֵצֶל הַכַּלָּה, וְאֵין מִתְיַחֲדִין אֲפִלּוּ בַיוֹם בְּלֹא קָטֹן אוֹ קְטַנָּה. וּצְרִיכִין שֶׁיִהְיוּ גְדוֹלִים קְצָת שֶיּוֹדְעִין עִנְיְנֵי בִיאָה, וְלֹא גְדוֹלָה מַמָּשׁ שֶׁכְּבָר לָבְשָׁה יִצְרָהּ שֶׁיֵשׁ לָחוּשׁ שֶׁתִּתְפַּתֶּה, אֶלָּא בֵּינוֹנִים. וְאֵין חִלּוּק בָּזֶה בֵּין בָּחוּר לְאַלְמָן וּבֵין בְּתוּלָה לְאַלְמָנָה, שֶׁכֹּל שֶלֹּא בָעַל אִשָּׁה זוֹ מִיָמָיו, חָיְשֵׁינָן דְתַקִיף יִצְרֵהּ, וַאֲסוּרִין לְהִתְיַחֵד בְּלִי שְׁמִרָה.
3 A woman should be careful not to marry before she purifies herself from her unclean menstrual status. If it is urgent and the wedding must be held when she is still unclean, or if it occurred that she became menstrually unclean after the wedding ceremony, but before the consummation of the marital act; they are forbidden to be alone together without supervision, until she has performed the rite of immersion. It is customary to place a male child with the groom, and a female child with the bride. They may not be alone even during the daytime, without the children. The children must be old enough to understand something about marital relations. The girl should not be fully mature already having desire, lest she permit herself to be seduced, but of average maturity. Regarding this law there is no distinction between a groom who has never been married and a widower, or between a virgin and a widow; for so long as he has never had marital relations with that woman, we fear he may succumb to his passions, and therefore, they are prohibited to be alone, without supervision.
ד מַחֲזִיר גְּרוּשָׁתוֹ, צְרִיכָה לִסְפֹּר שִׁבְעָה נְקִיִים, אֲפִלוּ גֵרְשָׁהּ כְּשֶׁהָיְתָה מְעֻבֶּרֶת וְהֶחֱזִירָה כְּשֶׁהִיא מְעֻבֶּרֶת, אוֹ גֵרְשָׁה כְּשֶׁהִיא מֵינֶקֶת וְהֶחֱזִירָהּ כְּשֶׁהִיא מֵינֶקֶת, אוֹ גֵרְשָׁה כְּשֶׁהִיא מֵינֶקֶת וְהֶחֱזִירָהּ כְּשֶׁהִיא מֵינֶקֶת. וְאִם עָבַר וּכְנָסָהּ קֹדֶם, מֻתָּרִין לְהִתְיַחֵד, דְּכֵיוָן שֶׁכְּבָר בָּא עָלֶיהָ, תּוּ לָא תַקִּיף יִצְרֵהּ כָּל כָּךְ.
4 When one remarries the woman he divorced, she must count seven clean days. [This rule applies] even if he divorced her while she was pregnant, and remarried her while she is still pregnant, or he divorced her while she was nursing a child, and remarried her while she is still nursing. If he violated this rule and remarried her before [her seven clean days and immersion], they are permitted to be alone together. Since he already had marital relations with her, his impulse will not be so overpowering.
ה צְרִיכִין לִזָּהֵר בִּמְאֹד מְאֹד, שֶׁלֹּא יִשְׁכַּב הֶחָתָן אֵצֶל הַכַּלָה עַד הַלַּיְלָה שֶׁהוּא רוֹצֶה לִבְעֹל.
5 Extreme care should be taken that the groom should not lie next to the bride until the night he wishes to consummate their marriage.
ו הַכּוֹנֵס אֶת הַבְּתוּלָה, בּוֹעֵל בְּעִילַת מִצְוָה. וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהַדָּם שׁוֹתֵת וְיוֹרֵד, גּוֹמֵר בִּיאָתוֹ כִּרְצוֹנוֹ, וְאֵינוֹ חוֹשֵׁשׁ. אֲבָל לְאַחַר שֶׁגָּמַר בִּיאָתוֹ, פּוֹרֵשׁ אֶת עַצְמוֹ מִמֶּנָה. וְהִיא טְמֵאָה. וַאֲפִלּוּ לֹא נִרְאֶה שׁוּם דָּם, חָיְֹשֵׁינָן שֶׁמָּא יָצְאָה טִפַּת דָּם וְנֶחְפְּתָה בְשִׁכְבַת זֶרַע, וְעַל כֵּן מַחֲזִיקִין אוֹתָהּ כְּנִדָּה גְמוּרָה.
6 One who marries a virgin should perform the ordained marital act, and even if there is an issue of hymenal blood, he should conclude the act and need have no scruples about it. However, after concluding the act, he must separate himself from her, and she is regarded as unclean. And even if no blood is perceived, we suspect perhaps a drop of blood issued from her, and was covered up by the semen. Therefore we regard her as menstrually unclean.
ז בְּתוּלָה, שֶׁלְאַחַר הַבְּעִילָה הָרִאשׁוֹנָה טָבְלָה, וְגַם בַּבְּעִילָה הַשְּׁנִיָה רָאֲתָה דָם, וְכֵן בְּפַעַם שְׁלִישִית וּרְבִיעִית, יֵשׁ בָּזֶה שְׁאֵלָה אִם מֻתֶּרֶת לְהִשָׁאֵר אֵצֶל בַּעְלָהּ.
7 A virgin, who performed the rite of immersion after the first marital act, and perceived blood after the second marital act, and also after the third and fourth times; it is questionable ( halachically) if she is permitted to remain with her husband.
ח מֻתָּר לִבְעֹל בְּתוּלָה בְשַׁבָּת, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהוּא עוֹשֶֹה חַבּוּרָה (וְעַיֵּן לעיל ס' קמח ס"ד).
8 It is permitted to perform the marital act with a virgin on Shabbos even though the act causes a bruise.
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