Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chayim Siman 170

Siman 170

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א אֵין מְשִׂיחִין בַּסְעֻדָּה, שֶׁמָּא יַקְדִּים קָנֶה לַוֵּשֶׁט; וַאֲפִ' מִי שֶׁנִּתְעַטֵּשׁ (פִּי' שטארנודאר"י בְּלַעַ"ז) בַּסְעֻדָּה, אָסוּר לוֹמַר לוֹ: אָסוּתָא; הָיוּ מְסֻבִּין בַּסְעֻדָּה וְיָצָא אֶחָד מֵהֶם לְהָטִיל מַיִם, נוֹטֵל יָדוֹ אַחַת שֶׁשִּׁפְשֵׁף בָּהּ; וְאֵינוֹ נוֹטֵל אֶלָּא בִּפְנֵי כֻּלָּם, שֶׁלֹּא יַחְשְׁדוּהוּ שֶׁלֹּא נָטַל; הַגָּה: וְאִם לֹא שִׁפְשֵׁף אֵינוֹ נוֹטֵל כְּלָל, אִם לֹא נָגַע בִּמְקוֹם טִנֹּפֶת, אֲבָל אִם עָשָׂה צְרָכָיו, וַדַּאי צָרִיךְ נְטִילָה (הַגָּהוֹת אֲשֵׁרִי פ"ב דִּבְרָכוֹת). וְהָנֵי מִילֵי לִשְׁתּוֹת, אֲבָל לֶאֱכֹל נוֹטֵל אֲפִלּוּ בַּחוּץ, דְּמֵידַע יָדְעֵי דַּאֲנִינָא (פי' שֶׁמִּתְטָרֶפֶת וּמִתְבַּלְבֶּלֶת דַּעְתּוֹ) דַּעְתֵּיהּ וְלֹא אָכַל בְּלֹא נְטִילָה. וְאִם דִּבֵּר עִם חֲבֵרוֹ וְהִפְלִיג, נוֹטֵל שְׁתֵּי יָדָיו כֵּיוָן שֶׁהִסִיחַ דַּעְתּוֹ. הַגָּה: וְהָא דְּבָעֵינָן נְטִילָה לִשְׁתִיָּה הַיְנוּ בְּתוֹךְ הַסְּעֻדָּה, דְּחַיְשִׁינָן שֶׁמָּא יֹאכַל, אֲבָל בְּלָאו הָכֵי אֵין צָרִיךְ נְטִילָה לִשְׁתִיָּה ( (הר"י סוֹף פֶּרֶק אֵלּוּ דְּבָרִים וְרַשִׁ"י פֶּרֶק אָמַר לָהֶם הַמְמֻנֶּה).
1 Rules of proper conduct that a person should observe during a meal. Containing 22 paragraphs: One should not converse during a meal, lest the windpipe precede the esophagus (i.e., food goes down the wrong way). Even if someone sneezes during a meal, it is forbidden to say "health!" to him. If people were reclining at a meal and one of them went out to urinate, he washes one hand that he wiped with, and he only washes in front of everyone so they do not suspect him of not having washed. Rema: And if he did not wipe, he does not wash at all unless he touched a soiled place. But if he relieved himself, he certainly requires washing. This applies to drinking, but for eating he washes even outside [their view], for they know that his mind is troubled (meaning that he is anxious and confused) and he will not eat without washing. And if he spoke with his companion and became engrossed [in conversation], he washes both his hands since he became distracted. Rema: And this requirement of washing for drinking applies only in the middle of the meal, for we are concerned that perhaps he will eat. But otherwise, washing is not required for drinking.
ב שְׁנַיִם מַמְתִּינִים זֶה אֶת זֶה בַּקְּעָרָה, שֶׁכְשֶׁהָאֶחָד מְסַלֵּק יָדוֹ מִן הַקְּעָרָה לִשְׁתּוֹת, חֲבֵרוֹ מַפְסִיק מִלֶּאֱכֹל עַד שֶׁיִּגְמֹר הַשְּׁתִיָּה; אֲבָל אִם הֵם שְׁלֹשָׁה, אֵין הַשְּׁנַיִם פּוֹסְקִין בִּשְׁבִיל הָאֶחָד.
2 Two [people dining together] wait for each other at the bowl — when one removes his hand from the bowl to drink, his companion stops eating until he finishes drinking. But if there are three, the [other] two do not stop for the one [who drinks].
ג מְשַׁיְּרִין פֵּאָה בַּקְּעָרָה, כָּל אֶחָד מֵהָאוֹכְלִים, וְהוּא מַאֲכַל הַשַּׁמָּשׁ; אֲבָל כְּשֶׁהַשַּׁמָּשׁ מְעָרֶה מִן הָאִלְפָּס לְתוֹךְ הַקְּעָרָה אֵין דֶּרֶךְ לְהַנִּיחַ בָּאִלְפָּס כְּלוּם לְצָרְכּוֹ.
3 Each of the diners leaves a corner [of food] in the bowl, which is food for the servant. But when the servant pours from the serving pot into the bowl, it is not the practice to leave anything in the pot for his needs.
ד אֵין מִסְתַּכְּלִין בִּפְנֵי הָאוֹכֵל וְלֹא בִּמְנָתוֹ, שֶׁלֹּא לְבַיְּשׁוֹ.
4 One may not stare at the face of someone eating, nor at his portion, so as not to embarrass him.
ה הַנִּכְנָס לְבַיִת, כָּל מַה שֶּׁיֹּאמַר לוֹ בַּעַל הַבַּיִת יַעֲשֶׂה.
5 One who enters a home should do whatever the host tells him.
ו לֹא יְהֵא אָדָם קַפְּדָן (פי' כַּעֲסָן אוֹ רַגְזָן) בַּסְעֻדָּה.
6 A person should not be irritable [meaning: angry or short-tempered] at his meal.
ז לֹא יֹאכַל אָדָם פְּרוּסָה כַּבֵּיצָה, וְאִם אָכַל הֲרֵי זֶה גַּרְגְּרָן.
7 A person should not eat a piece of bread the size of an egg, and if he ate [such a piece] he is a glutton.
ח לֹא יִשְׁתֶּה כּוֹסוֹ בְּבַת אַחַת, וְאִם שָׁתָה הֲרֵי זֶה גַּרְגְּרָן; שְׁנַיִם, דֶּרֶךְ אֶרֶץ; שְׁלֹשָׁה, הֲרֵי זֶה מִגַּסֵי הָרוּחַ. הַגָּה: וּמִיהוּ כּוֹס קָטָן מְאֹד, מֻתָּר לִשְׁתּוֹתוֹ בְּבַת אַחַת (בֵּית יוֹסֵף); וְכֵן גָּדוֹל מְאֹד, בִּשְׁלֹשָׁה אוֹ אַרְבָּעָה פְּעָמִים (דִּבְרֵי עַצְמוֹ).
8 One should not drink his cup in one gulp, and if he drank [this way] he is a glutton. Two [gulps] is proper conduct; three [gulps indicates] he is of a haughty spirit. Rema: However, a very small cup may be drunk in one gulp (Beit Yosef), and likewise a very large one in three or four times (Darkhei Moshe).
ט לֹא יֹאכַל שׁוּם אוֹ בָּצָל מֵרֹאשׁוֹ, אֶלָּא מֵעָלָיו; וְאִם אָכַל, הֲרֵי זֶה רְעַבְתָּן. הַגָּה: וְלֹא יֹאכַל דֶּרֶךְ רְעַבְתָּנוּת, וְלֹא יֶאֱחֹז הַמַּאֲכָל בְּיָדוֹ אַחַת וְיִתְלֹשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ בְּיָדוֹ הַשְּׁנִיָּה (טוּר).
9 One should not eat garlic or onion from its head, but rather from the top, and if he ate [from the head] he is a glutton. Rema: And one should not eat in a gluttonous manner, and should not hold the food in one hand and tear from it with the other hand. [Tur]
י לֹא יִשֹּׁךְ פְּרוּסָה וְיַנִּיחֶנָּה עַל גַּבֵּי הַשֻּׁלְחָן.
10 One should not bite a piece of bread and place it on the table.
יא לֹא יִשְׁתֶּה אָדָם שְׁנֵי כּוֹסוֹת בְּבַת אַחַת בְּתוֹךְ סְעוּדָתוֹ וִיבָרֵךְ בִּרְכַּת הַמָּזוֹן, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁנִּרְאֶה כְּגַרְגְּרָן.
11 A person should not drink two cups at once during his meal and then recite Grace After Meals, because it appears gluttonous.
יב שְׁנַיִם שֶׁיּוֹשְׁבִין עַל הַשֻּׁלְחָן, הַגָּדוֹל פּוֹשֵׁט יָדוֹ תְּחִלָּה; וְהַשּׁוֹלֵחַ יָדוֹ בִּפְנֵי מִי שֶׁגָּדוֹל מִמֶּנּוּ, הֲרֵי זֶה גַּרְגְּרָן.
12 When two are sitting at the table, the greater one extends his hand first, and one who extends his hand before someone greater than him is a glutton.
יג הַנִּכְנָס לְבַיִת לֹא יֹאמַר: תְּנוּ לִי לֶאֱכֹל, עַד שֶׁיֹּאמְרוּ הֵם. הַגָּה: לֹא יֹאמַר אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ: בֹּא וֶאֱכֹל עִמִּי מַה שֶּׁהֶאֱכַלְתַּנִי, דְּהָוֵי כְּפוֹרֵעַ לוֹ חוֹבוֹ וְנִרְאֶה כְּאִלּוּ הִלְוָה לוֹ, וְיֵשׁ לָחוּשׁ שֶׁיַּאֲכִילֵהוּ יוֹתֵר וְאִית בֵּיהּ מִשּׁוּם רִבִּית; אֲבָל מֻתָּר לוֹמַר לוֹ: בֹּא וֶאֱכֹל עִמִּי וְאֶאֱכֹל עִמְּךְ בְּפַעַם אַחֶרֶת, וּמֻתָּר לֶאֱכֹל עִמּוֹ אַחַר כָּךְ אֲפִלּוּ בִּסְעֻדָּה יוֹתֵר גְּדוֹלָה (דִּבְרֵי עַצְמוֹ לְפִי' הַטּוּר).
13 One who enters a home should not say "Give me to eat" until they say so. Rema: A person should not say to his friend "Come and eat with me what you fed me," for this is like repaying a debt and it appears as if he loaned to him, and there is concern that he will feed him more, and there is in this an aspect of interest. But it is permitted to say to him "Come and eat with me, and I will eat with you another time," and it is permitted to eat with him afterward, even a greater meal. [Darkhei Moshe according to the Tur]
יד לֹא יִפְרֹס אָדָם פְּרוּסָה עַל גַּבֵּי הַקְּעָרָה, אֲבָל מְקַנֵּחַ הַקְּעָרָה בִּפְרוּסָה.
14 A person should not break bread over the serving dish, but one may wipe the serving dish with bread.
טו לֹא יְלַקֵּט פֵּרוּרִין וְיַנִּיחַ עַל גַּבֵּי הַשֻּׁלְחָן, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהוּא מַמְחֶה (פי' מַטְרִיד) דַּעְתּוֹ שֶׁל חֲבֵרוֹ; וְלֹא יִשֹּׁךְ פְּרוּסָה וְיִתְּנֶנָּה לִפְנֵי חֲבֵרוֹ אוֹ לְתוֹךְ הַקְּעָרָה, לְפִי שֶׁאֵין דַּעַת כָּל הַבְּרִיּוֹת שָׁוָה.
15 One should not collect crumbs and place them on the table, as this disturbs one's companion. One should not bite from a piece of bread and then place it before one's companion or into the serving bowl, for not everyone's disposition is the same.
טז לֹא יִשְׁתֶּה מֵהַכּוֹס וְיִתֵּן לַחֲבֵרוֹ, מִפְּנֵי סַכָּנַת נְפָשׁוֹת.
16 One should not drink from a cup and then give it to one's companion, because of mortal danger.
יז וְלֹא יִשְׁתֶּה כּוֹס וְיַנִּיחֶנּוּ עַל הַשֻּׁלְחָן, אֶלָּא יֹאחֲזֶנּוּ בְּיָדוֹ עַד שֶׁיָּבֹא הַשַּׁמָּשׁ וְיִתְּנֶנּוּ לוֹ.
17 One should not drink from a cup and then place it on the table; rather, one should hold it in hand until the server comes and give it to him.
יח הַנִּכְנָס לִסְעֻדָּה לֹא יִקַּח חֶלְקוֹ וְיִתְּנֶנּוּ לַשַּׁמָּשׁ, שֶׁמָּא יְאֵרַע דְּבַר קִלְקוּל בַּסְעֻדָּה, אֶלָּא יִקָּחֶנּוּ וְיַנִּיחֶנּוּ וְאַחַר כָּךְ יִתְּנֶנּוּ לוֹ.
18 One who enters a meal should not take his portion and give it to the server, lest some mishap occur at the meal. Rather, he should take it, set it aside, and afterwards give it to him.
יט אוֹרְחִים הַנִּכְנָסִין אֵצֶל בַּעַל הַבַּיִת אֵינָם רַשָּׁאִים לִטֹּל מִלִּפְנֵיהֶם וְלִתֵּן לִבְנוֹ אוֹ לְעַבְדּוֹ שֶׁל בַּעַל הַבַּיִת, אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן נָטְלוּ רְשׁוּת מִבַּעַל הַבַּיִת.
19 Guests who enter the home of a host may not take food from before themselves and give it to the host's son or servant, unless they have received permission from the host.
כ נְקִיֵּי הַדַּעַת שֶׁבִּירוּשָׁלַיִם לֹא הָיוּ מְסֻבִּין בִּסְעֻדָּה אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן יוֹדְעִים מִי מֵסֵב עִמָּהֶם, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁגְּנַאי הוּא לְתַלְמִיד חָכָם לִישֵׁב אֵצֶל עַם הָאָרֶץ בִּסְעֻדָּה.
20 The discerning people of Jerusalem would not recline at a meal unless they knew who was reclining with them, because it is disgraceful for a Torah scholar to sit beside an am ha'aretz (unlearned person) at a meal.
כא הַשַּׁמָּשׁ שֶׁהָיָה מְשַׁמֵּשׁ עַל שְׁנַיִם, הֲרֵי זֶה אוֹכֵל עִמָּהֶם אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁלֹּא נָתְנוּ לוֹ רְשׁוּת; הָיָה מְשַׁמֵּשׁ עַל שְׁלֹשָׁה, אֵינוֹ אוֹכֵל עִמָּהֶם אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן נָתְנוּ לוֹ רְשׁוּת.
21 A server who was serving two people may eat with them even if they did not give him permission; if he was serving three, he may not eat with them unless they gave him permission.
כב אַחַר שֶׁשָּׁתִיתָ וְנִשְׁאַר יַיִן בַּכּוֹס לִשְׁתִיַּת חֲבֶרְךָ, קַנַּח מְקוֹם נְשִׁיקַת הַפֶּה מִשּׁוּם מִאוּס, וְלֹא תִּשְׁפֹּךְ מִשּׁוּם בַּל תַּשְׁחִית אֲבָל אַחַר שְׁתִיַּת מַיִם שְׁפֹךְ מֵהֶם דֶּרֶךְ שָׁם. הַגָּה: אַחַר כָּל אֲכִילַתְךְ אֱכֹל מֶלַח, וּלְאַחַר כָּל שְׁתִיַּתְךְ שָׁתָה מַיִם, וּכְמוֹ שֶׁיִּתְבָּאֵר לְקַמָּן סי' קע"ט. וְנ"ל דַּוְקָא שֶׁלֹּא הָיָה מֶלַח בַּפַּת אוֹ בַּמַּאֲכָלִים שֶׁאָכַל, וְכֵן שֶׁלֹּא שָׁתָה מַשְׁקֶה שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ מַיִם, אֲבָל בְּלָאו הָכֵי לֵיכָּא לְמֵיחַשׁ. וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִין שֶׁלֹּא לִזָּהֵר בַּאֲכִילַת מֶלַח וּשְׁתִיַּת מַיִם אַחַר הַסְּעֻדָּה, מִטַּעַם שֶׁנִּתְבָּאֵר.
22 After you have drunk and wine remains in the cup for your companion to drink, wipe the place where the mouth touched because of disgust, but do not pour it out because of bal tashchit (the prohibition against waste). After drinking water, pour some out as a gesture of respect. Rema: After all your eating, eat salt, and after all your drinking, drink water, as will be explained below in siman 179. It seems this applies specifically when there was no salt in the bread or in the foods eaten, and likewise when one did not drink a beverage containing water; but otherwise there is no concern. And thus is the custom: not to be careful about eating salt and drinking water after the meal, for the reason that has been clarified.
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