Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah Siman 240

Siman 240

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א צָרִיךְ לִזָּהֵר מְאֹד בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ וּבְמוֹרָאָם. הַגָּה: וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם אֵין בֵּית דִּין כּוֹפִין עַל מִצְוַת כִּבּוּד אָב וָאֵם, דְּהָוֵי לֵיהּ מִצְוַת עֲשֵׂה שֶׁמַּתַּן שְׂכָרָהּ בְּצִדָּהּ שֶׁאֵין בֵּית דִּין כּוֹפִין עָלֶיהָ (בֵּית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם הַגְּמָרָא ובתא"ו נָתִיב א').

1 What is honor and what is fear, and their laws. Containing 25 paragraphs. One must be very careful concerning his father and mother's honor and fear. Rema: But nevertheless, the court does not enforce the honor of father and mother; since it is a positive commandment the reward of which is alongside it, such that the court does not enforce it (Beit Yosef in the name of the Gemara; Toledot Adam VeChava, Netiv A).

ב אֵיזֶה מוֹרָא, לֹא יַעֲמֹד בִּמְקוֹמוֹ הַמְיֻחָד לוֹ לַעֲמֹד שָׁם בְּסוֹד זְקֵנִים עִם חֲבֵרָיו, אוֹ מָקוֹם הַמְיֻחָד לוֹ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל; וְלֹא יֵשֵׁב בְּמָקוֹם הַמְיֻחָד לוֹ לְהָסֵב בְּבֵיתוֹ; וְלֹא סוֹתֵר אֶת דְּבָרָיו וְלֹא מַכְרִיעַ אֶת דְּבָרָיו בְּפָנָיו, אֲפִלּוּ לוֹמַר נִרְאִין דִּבְרֵי אַבָּא; וְלֹא יִקְרָאֶנּוּ בִּשְׁמוֹ, לֹא בְּחַיָּיו וְלֹא בְּמוֹתוֹ, אֶלָּא אוֹמֵר: אַבָּא מָארִי. הָיָה שֵׁם אָבִיו כְּשֵׁם אֲחֵרִים, מְשַׁנֶּה שְׁמָם, אִם הוּא שֵׁם שֶׁהוּא פִּלְאִי, שֶׁאֵין הַכֹּל רְגִילִים לִקְרוֹת בּוֹ. אֲבָל שֵׁם שֶׁרְגִילִין בּוֹ מֻתָּר לִקְרוֹת אֲחֵרִים שֶׁלֹּא בְּפָנָיו (טוּר).

2 What is fear? He should not stand in the place designated for him to stand in the consultation of the elders with his colleagues, or the place designated for him to pray, nor should he sit in the place designated for him to recline in his home, nor contradict his words nor determine his words in his presence - even to say, "Father's words appear [correct]." And he should not call him by his name, neither in life nor in death, but rather say, "Father, my teacher." If his father's name was like the name of others, he changes their names if it is an unusual name that not all of the people call [their offspring] with. But it is permissible to call others with a name that is [common], not in front of him (Tur).

ג עַד הֵיכָן מוֹרָאָם, הָיָה הַבֵּן לָבוּשׁ חֲמוּדוֹת וְיוֹשֵׁב בְּרֹאשׁ הַקָּהָל, וּבָאוּ אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ וְקָרְעוּ בְּגָדָיו וְהִכּוּהוּ עַל רֹאשׁוֹ וְיָרְקוּ בְּפָנָיו, לֹא יַכְלִים אוֹתָם, אֶלָּא יִשְׁתֹּק, וְיִירָא מִן מֶּלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים שֶׁצִּוָּהוּ בְּכָךְ.

3 To what extent is their fear? Had the son been dressed with fine clothing and sitting at the head of the community, and his father and mother came and ripped his clothes, hit him on his head and spit in front of him - he should not shame them, but rather remain silent, and fear the King of kings of kings, who so commanded him.

ד אֵיזֶהוּ כָּבוֹד, מַאֲכִילוֹ וּמַשְׁקֵהוּ, מַלְבִּישׁ וּמְכַסֶה, מַכְנִיס וּמוֹצִיא. וְיִתְּנֶנּוּ לוֹ בְּסֵבֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת, שֶׁאֲפִלּוּ מַאֲכִילוֹ בְּכָל יוֹם פְּטוּמוֹת וְהֶרְאָה לוֹ פָּנִים זוֹעֲפוֹת, נֶעֱנָשׁ עָלָיו. הַגָּה: וְכֵן לְהֶפֶךְ, אִם מַטְחִין אָבִיו בָּרֵחַיִם, וְכַוָּנָתוֹ לְטוֹבָה כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּנָּצֵל אָבִיו מִדָּבָר קָשֶׁה יוֹתֵר מִזֶּה, וּמְדַבֵּר פִּיּוּסִים עַל לֵב אָבִיו וּמַרְאֶה לוֹ שֶׁכַּוָנָתוֹ לְטוֹבָה עַד שֶׁיִּתְרַצֶּה אָבִיו לִטְחֹן בָּרֵחַיִם, נוֹחֵל עוֹלָם הַבָּא (גְּמָרָא וְרַשִׁ"י פ"ק דְּקִדּוּשִׁין וִירוּשַׁלְמִי). וִישַׁמְּשֶׁנּוּ בִּשְׁאָר דְּבָרִים שֶׁהַשַּׁמָּשׁ מְשַׁמֵּשׁ רַבּוֹ.

4 What is honor? He feeds him and gives him drink; dresses and covers him; and brings him in and takes him out - and he does so with a pleasant countenance. For even if he feeds him fattened fowl every day, yet does so with an angry face, he will be punished for it. Rema: And likewise the opposite: If one makes him grind with a millstone, but his intention is for the good - in order to save his father from something harder than this - and he speaks [with] appeasement to the heart of his father and shows him that his intention is for the good until his father agrees to grind with the millstone, he acquires the world to come (Gemara and Rashi, Chapter 1 of Kiddushin and Yerushalmi). And he serves him in other ways in which a servant serves his master.

ה זֶה שֶׁמַּאֲכִילוֹ וּמַשְׁקֵהוּ, מִשֶּׁל אָב וָאֵם, אִם יֵשׁ לוֹ. וְאִם אֵין לָאָב, וְיֵשׁ לַבֵּן, כּוֹפִין אוֹתוֹ וְזָן אָבִיו כְּפִי מַה שֶּׁהוּא יָכוֹל. וְאִם אֵין לַבֵּן, אֵינוֹ חַיָּב לְחַזֵּר עַל הַפְּתָחִים לְהַאֲכִיל אֶת אָבִיו. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאֵינוֹ חַיָּב לִתֵּן לוֹ רַק מַה שֶּׁמְּחֻיָּב לִתֵּן לִצְדָקָה (כֵּן כָּתַב הַבֵּית יוֹסֵף דְּנִרְאֶה כֵּן מִדִּבְרֵי הָרִי"ף וְהָרֹא"שׁ, וְכֵן כָּתַב הר"ן פ"ק דְּקִדּוּשִׁין). וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם אִם יָדוֹ מַשֶּׂגֶת, תָּבֹא מְאֵרָה לְמִי שֶׁמְּפַרְנֵס אָבִיו מִמָּעוֹת צְדָקָה שֶׁלּוֹ (הַגָּהוֹת מָרְדְּכַי דב"ב וּבְהַגָּהוֹת פ"ק דב"מ וּבְחִדּוּשֵׁי אֲגֻדָּה). וְאִם יֵשׁ לוֹ בָּנִים רַבִּים, מְחַשְּׁבִים לְפִי מָמוֹן שֶׁלָּהֶם, וְאִם מִקְּצָתָן עֲשִׁירִים וּמִקְּצָתָן עֲנִיִּים, מְחַיְּבִים הָעֲשִׁירִים לְבַד. (תְּשׁוּבַת מַיְמוֹנִי הִלְכוֹת מַמְרִים בְּשֵׁם מוֹהֲרַ"ם וֶהֱבִיאָהּ הַבֵּית יוֹסֵף). אֲבָל חַיָּב לְכַבְּדוֹ בְּגוּפוֹ, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁמִּתּוֹךְ כָּךְ בָּטֵל מִמְּלַאכְתּוֹ, וְיִצְטָרֵךְ לְחַזֵּר עַל הַפְּתָחִים. וְדַוְקָא דְּאִית לַבֵּן מְזוֹנוֹת לְאִיתְזוּנֵי הַהוּא יוֹמָא, אֲבָל אִי לֵית לֵיהּ, לֹא מְחֻיָּב לְבַטֵּל מִמְּלַאכְתּוֹ וְלַחֲזֹר עַל הַפְּתָחִים.

5 And that which he gives him food and he gives him drink - that is from [the resources of] the father and mother, if he has. However if the father does not have and the son does have, we force him and he sustains the father according to what he can [afford]. But if the son does not have, he is not obligated to [knock on] doors to feed his father. Rema: And some say that he is only obligated to give to him that which he is obligated to give to charity. (So wrote the Beit Yosef - that it appears to be so from the words of the Rif and the Rosh. And so too did the Ran write in the first chapter of Kiddushin.) But nevertheless if he has the wherewithal, a curse will come to one who supports his father with his charity monies (Hagahot Mordechai on Bava Batra; Hagahot on Bava Metzia; and Chiddushei Aggadah). And if he has several sons, they calculate [their obligation] according to their money. And if some of them are rich and some of them are poor, only the rich ones are obligated (Teshuvat Maimoni, Laws of Rebels, in the name of Mohoram [Maharam of Rothenberg] - and brought by the Beit Yosef). But he is obligated to honor him with his body, even though he [becomes] idle from his work through this, and [then] becomes required to [knock on] doors. And [that is] specifically when the son has sustenance that will sustain [himself] that day. But if he does not have [it], he is not obligated to be idle from his work and to [knock] on doors.

ו הָיָה צָרִיךְ עַל שׁוּם דָּבָר בָּעִיר, וְיוֹדֵעַ שֶׁיַּשְׁלִימוּ חֶפְצוֹ בִּשְׁבִיל אָבִיו, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁיּוֹדֵעַ שֶׁגַּם כֵּן יַעֲשׂוּ בִּשְׁבִילוֹ, לֹא יֹאמַר: עֲשׂוּ לִי דָּבָר פְּלוֹנִי בִּשְׁבִילִי, אֶלָּא יֹאמַר עֲשׂוּ בִּשְׁבִיל אַבָּא, כְּדֵי לִתְלוֹת הַכָּבוֹד בְּאָבִיו.

6 If he needs anything in the city and he knows that they would fulfill his request for the sake of his father - even though he knows that they would also fulfill the thing for his sake, nevertheless, he should not say, "Do this one thing for my sake," but rather, "for the sake of Father," in order to attach the honor to his father.

ז חַיָּב לַעֲמֹד מִפְּנֵי אָבִיו. וְאִם הָאָב תַּלְמִיד בְּנוֹ, כָּל אֶחָד מֵהֶם עוֹמֵד מִפְּנֵי הַשֵּׁנִי. (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרֹא"שׁ) הַגָּה: וְאִם הַבֵּן רוֹצֶה לִמְחֹל עַל כְּבוֹדוֹ, לְשַׁמֵּשׁ אָבִיו, הָרְשׁוּת בְּיָדוֹ, דְּהָא הָרַב שֶׁמָּחַל עַל כְּבוֹדוֹ כְּבוֹדוֹ מָחוּל. וְדַוְקָא בְּצִנְעָא, אוֹ אֲפִלּוּ בְּפַרְהֶסְיָא וְדָשׁ בְּעִירוֹ שֶׁהַכֹּל יוֹדְעִים שֶׁהוּא אָבִיו, אֲבָל אִם הַבֵּן גָּדוֹל בַּתּוֹרָה וְאֵין אָבִיו דָּשׁ בְּעִירוֹ, אִיכָּא לְמֵיחַשׁ לְבִזְיוֹן הַתּוֹרָה אִם יִתְבַּזֶּה הַבֵּן לִפְנֵי הָאָב, וְיֵשׁ לָהֶם לְהַרְחִיק זֶה מִזֶּה שֶׁלֹּא יָקֵל שׁוּם אֶחָד בִּכְבוֹדוֹ לִפְנֵי חֲבֵרוֹ (הַכֹּל סְבָרַת הָרַב לְדַעַת ב"י); וְכֵן עָשָׂה מוֹהֲרַ"ם עִם אָבִיו.

7 One is obligated to stand before his father. But if the father is a student of his son, each one must stand before the other. (Tur in the name of the Rosh) Rema: But if the son wants to forgo his honor [so as] to serve his father, he is permitted. For behold, a teacher who forgoes his honor; his honor is forgiven. But that is specifically in private; or even in public when he is known in his city, such that everyone knows that he is his father. But if the son is a great Torah scholar and his father is not known in his city, we should be concerned about the disgrace of the Torah - if the son is disgraced before the father. So they should distance themselves from one another, such that neither one should reduce his honor before his fellow. ([This is] all the understanding of the rabbi, according to the opinion of the Beit Yosef.) And so did Moharam do with this father.

ח עַד הֵיכָן כִּבּוּד אָב וָאֵם, אֲפִלּוּ נָטְלוּ כִּיס שֶׁל זְהוּבִים שֶׁלּוֹ, וְהִשְׁלִיכוּ בְּפָנָיו לַיָּם, לֹא יַכְלִימֵם וְלא יְצַעֵר בִּפְנֵיהֶם וְלֹא יִכְעֹס כְּנֶגְדָּם, אֶלָּא יְקַבֵּל גְּזֵרַת הַכָּתוּב וְיִשְׁתֹּק. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאִם רוֹצֶה לִזְרֹק מָעוֹת שֶׁל בֵּן לַיָּם דְּיָכוֹל לְמָנְעוֹ, דְּהָא אֵינוֹ חַיָּב לְכַבְּדוֹ רַק מִשֶּׁל אָב, אֲבָל לֹא מִשֶּׁל בֵּן (טוּר בְּשֵׁם ר"י). וְאֵין חִלּוּק בֵּין לְכַבְּדוֹ אוֹ לְצַעֲרוֹ (ת"ה סִימָן מ'). וְדַוְקָא קֹדֶם שֶׁזְּרָקָן, דְּאֶפְשָׁר דְמִמְנַע וְלֹא עָבֵיד, אֲבָל אִם כְּבָר זְרָקוּהוּ, אָסוּר לְאַכְלוּמֵהּ אֲבָל יוּכַל לְתָבְעוֹ לְדִינָא (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרֹא"שׁ). וְדַוְקָא אִם רוֹצֶה לִזְרֹק כִּיסוֹ לַיָּם, דְּאִית בֵּיהּ חֶסְרוֹן כִּיס, אֲבָל אִם רוֹצֶה לְהַעֲבִיר מִמֶּנּוּ רֶוַח בְּעָלְמָא, אָסוּר בְּכָל עִנְיָן (ר"ן פ"ק דְּקִדּוּשִׁין). בֵּן שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ דִּין עִם אָבִיו, וְהָאָב הוּא תּוֹבֵעַ הַבֵּן, צָרִיךְ הַבֵּן לֵילֵךְ אַחַר אָבִיו אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהַבֵּן הוּא נִתְבָּע וְדָר בְּעִיר אַחֶרֶת, שֶׁזֶּהוּ כְּבוֹד אָבִיו. אֲבָל הָאָב חַיָּב לְשַׁלֵּם לַבֵּן הוֹצָאוֹת, דְּאֵינוֹ חַיָּב לְכַבְּדוֹ מִשֶּׁל בֵּן (במהרי"ק שֹׁרֶשׁ נ"ח), כְּמוֹ שֶׁנִּתְבָּאֵר.

8 Up to where (how extensive) is the honor of father and mother? Even if [the parents] took his purse full of gold coins and threw it to the sea in front of him, he should not embarrass them, nor be distressed before them nor get angry towards them; but he should rather accept the written decree and be silent. Rema: And some say that if he wants to throw the son's purse to the sea, he may prevent him. For behold, he is only obligated to honor him from [the resources] of the father, but not from [those] of the son (Tur in the name of the Ri). And there is no distinction between honoring him and causing him distress (Terumat HaDeshen, Section 40). And [that is] only before that they threw it; as it is possible that he will be prevented and not do [it]. But if they already threw it, it is forbidden to embarrass him; but he may make a claim against him in court (Tur in the name of the Rosh). And [this is] only when he wants to throw his purse to the sea, since there is financial loss. But if he just wants to take profits away from him, it is forbidden in any manner (Ran, Kiddushin, Chapter 1). [In the case of] a son that has a case with his father and the father is the claimant, the son must go [to] the father - even though the son is the defendant and he lives in another city. For this is the honor of his father. However the father is obligated to pay the expenses to the son, since the son is not obligated to honor him from the his [own] resources (In the Maharik, Root 58), as will be explained.

ט חַיָּב לְכַבְּדוֹ אֲפִלּוּ אַחַר מוֹתוֹ. כֵּיצַד, הָיָה אוֹמֵר דְּבַר שְׁמוּעָה מִפִּיו, אוֹמֵר: כָּךְ אָמַר אַבָּא מָארִי הֲרֵינִי כַּפָּרַת מִשְׁכָּבוֹ, אִם הוּא תּוֹךְ שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ, וְאִם הוּא לְאַחַר שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ, אוֹמֵר: זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה. הַגָּה: וְאֵין חִלּוּק בֵּין אֵם לְאָב בְּכָל זֶה (מהרי"ל סִימָן כ"ד). יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאִם כּוֹתֵב תּוֹךְ שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ דָּבָר וּמַזְכִּיר אָבִיו, אֵין צָרִיךְ לִכְתֹּב הֲרֵינִי כַּפָּרַת מִשְׁכָּבוֹ אֶלָּא זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה, דְּהָא כְּתִיבָתוֹ מִתְקַיֶּמֶת לְאַחַר שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ (הג' בְּאִלְפָּס פ"ק דְּקִדּוּשִׁין), וְיֵשׁ מַחְמִירִים אֲפִלּוּ בִּכְתִיבָה (בנ"י וּשְׁאָר מְחַבְּרִים וכ"מ בְּבֵית יוֹסֵף סוֹף סי' רמ"ב בְּשֵׁם רשב"ץ וּתְשׁוּבַת ן' חָבִיב רס"ד), וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִין.

9 One is obligated to honor him even after his death. How is that? If he says a matter he heard from his mouth - if it is within twelve months [of his death] - he should say, "So said Father, my teacher, may I be an atonement for his resting." But if it is after twelve months when he mentions him, he says, "May his memory be for a blessing." Rema: And there is no difference between the father and mother in all of this (Maharil, Section 27). Some say that if he writes something within twelve months and mentions his father, he does not need to write, "May I be an atonement for his resting," but rather, "May his memory be for a blessing" - as behold, his writing will endure after twelve months (Hagahot on Rif, Kiddushin, Chapter 1). But there are some that are stringent even with writing ([as] in the Nimukei Yosef and other writers; and so is it implied in Beit Yosef, Section 242 at the end in the name of Rashbatz and [in] in the Responsa of [Yaakov] Ibn Chaviv, 264), and such is our practice.

י מִי שֶׁנִּטְרְפָה דַּעַת אָבִיו אוֹ אִמּוֹ, מִשְׁתַּדֵּל לִנְהֹג עִמָּהֶם כְּפִי דַּעְתָּם עַד שֶׁיְּרֻחַם עֲלֵיהֶם. וְאִם אִי אֶפְשָׁר לוֹ לַעֲמֹד, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁנִּשְׁתַּגְּעוּ בְּיוֹתֵר, יֵלֵךְ לוֹ וְיַנִּיחֵם, וִיצַוֶּה לַאֲחֵרִים לְנַהֲגָם כָּרָאוּי.

10 If one's father or mother has become mentally insane, he should make an effort to behave toward them according to their state of mind, until they will be shown mercy. But if it is impossible for him to stand [it] because they have become utterly insane, he may leave them and go away, charging others to take proper care of them.

יא רָאָה אָבִיו שֶׁעָבַר עַל דִּבְרֵי תּוֹרָה, לֹא יֹאמַר לוֹ: עָבַרְתָּ עַל דִּבְרֵי תּוֹרָה, אֶלָּא יֹאמַר לוֹ: אַבָּא כָּתוּב בַּתּוֹרָה כָּךְ וְכָךְ, כְּאִלּוּ הוּא שׁוֹאֵל מִמֶּנּוּ וְלֹא כְּמַזְהִירוֹ, וְהוּא יָבִין בְּעַצְמוֹ וְלֹא יִתְבַּיֵּשׁ. וְאִם הָיָה אוֹמֵר שְׁמוּעָה בְּטָעוּת, לֹא יֹאמַר לוֹ: לָא תִּתְנֵי הָכִי.

11 If one saw that his father was transgressing a Torah matter, he should not say to him, "You transgressed a Torah matter." Rather, he should say to him - "Father, such and such is written in the Torah" - as if he is asking him, and not warning him. And he will understand on his own and will not be embarrassed. And if [the father] said a mistaken teaching, he should not say to him, "Do not teach it thus."

יב אָמַר לוֹ אָבִיו: הַשְׁקֵנִי מַיִם, וְיֵשׁ לְפָנָיו לַעֲשׂוֹת מִצְוָה עוֹבֶרֶת, כְּגוֹן קְבוּרַת מֵת אוֹ לְוָיָה, אִם אֶפְשָׁר לַמִּצְוָה שֶׁתֵּעָשֶׂה עַל יְדֵי אֲחֵרִים, יַעֲסֹק בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו. וְאִם הִתְחִיל בַּמִּצְוָה תְּחִלָּה, יִגְמֹר, דְּהָעוֹסֵק בְּמִצְוָה פָּטוּר מִן הַמִּצְוָה (בֵּית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם הר"ן). וְאִם אֵין שָׁם אֲחֵרִים לַעֲשׂוֹת, יַעֲסֹק בַּמִּצְוָה וְיַנִּיחַ כְּבוֹד אָבִיו. מִיהוּ אִם אֵין זְמַן הַמִּצְוָה עוֹבֶרֶת, יַעֲסֹק בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו וְאַחַר כָּךְ יַעֲשֶׂה הַמִּצְוָה (רַבֵּנוּ יְרוּחָם נָתִיב א' בְּשֵׁם רֹא"שׁ).

12 If his father said to him, "Give me water to drink," and there was another passing commandment before him to do, such as burying the dead or a funeral: If it is possible for the commandment to be done by others, he should occupy himself with the honor of his father. But if he began the commandment first, he should finish it; as one who is occupied with a commandment is exempt from [another] commandment (Beit Yosef in the name of the Ran). But if there are not others there to do [it], he should occupy himself with the commandment and leave the honor of his father. (However if the time of the commandment is not passing, he should occupy himself with the honor of his father and do the commandment afterwards [Rabbenu Yerucham, Netiv A, in the name of the Rosh]).

יג תַּלְמוּד תּוֹרָה גָּדוֹל מִכְּבוֹד אָב וָאֵם.

13 Torah study is greater than honoring father and mother.

יד אָבִיו אוֹמֵר לוֹ: הַשְׁקֵנִי מַיִם, וְאִמּוֹ אוֹמֶרֶת: הַשְׁקֵנִי מַיִם, מַנִּיחַ אִמּוֹ וְעוֹסֵק בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו. וְאִם הִיא מְגֹרֶשֶׁת מֵאָבִיו, שְׁנֵיהֶם שָׁוִים וּלְאֵיזֶה מֵהֶם שֶׁיִּרְצֶה יַקְדִּים.

14 If his father said to him, "Give me water to drink," and his mother said to him, "Give me water to drink" - he leaves his mother and occupies himself with the honor of his father. But if she is divorced from his father, they are both the same, so he can make first whoever he wants.

טו אָמַר לוֹ אָבִיו לַעֲבֹר עַל דִּבְרֵי תּוֹרָה, בֵּין מִצְוַת עֲשֵׂה בֵּין מִצְוַת לֹא תַּעֲשֶׂה, אֲפִלּוּ מִצְוָה שֶׁל דִּבְרֵיהֶם, לֹא יִשְׁמַע לוֹ.

15 If his father said to him to transgress a Torah matter - whether a negative commandment or a positive commandment, and even a [rabbinic] commandment - he should not listen to him.

טז הָאָב שֶׁצִּוָּה אֶת בְּנוֹ שֶׁלֹּא יְדַבֵּר עִם פְּלוֹנִי וְשֶׁלֹּא יִמְחֹל לוֹ עַד זְמַן קָצוּב, וְהַבֵּן הָיָה רוֹצֶה לְהִתְפַּיֵּס מִיָּד לוּלֵי צַוָּאַת אָבִיו, אֵין לוֹ לָחוּשׁ לְצַוָּאָתוֹ.

16 If a father commands his son not to speak with x and not to forgive him until a set time; whereas the son wants to appease him immediately were it not for his father's command - he should not be concerned about his father's command.

יז אֶחָד הָאִישׁ וְאֶחָד הָאִשָּׁה שָׁוִין בְּכָבוֹד וּבְמוֹרָא שֶׁל אָב וָאֵם, אֶלָּא שֶׁהָאִשָּׁה אֵין בְּיָדָהּ לַעֲשׂוֹת, שֶׁהִיא מְשֻׁעְבֶּדֶת לְבַעֲלָהּ, לְפִיכָךְ הִיא פְּטוּרָה מִכִּבּוּד אָב וָאֵם בְּעוֹדָהּ נְשׂוּאָה. וְאִם נִתְגָּרְשָׁה אוֹ נִתְאַלְמְנָה, חַיֶּבֶת.

17 Both a man and a woman are the same regarding the honor and fear of father and mother. However a woman does not have [the wherewithal] in her hands to do [it], since she is bound to her husband. Therefore she is exempt from the honor of father and mother while she is still married. But if she is divorced or widowed, she is obligated.

יח מַמְזֵר חַיָּב בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו וּבְמוֹרָאוֹ. אֲפִלּוּ הָיָה אָבִיו רָשָׁע וּבַעַל עֲבֵרוֹת, מְכַבְּדוֹ וּמִתְיָרֵא מִמֶּנּוּ. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאֵינוֹ מְחֻיָּב לְכַבֵּד אָבִיו רָשָׁע, אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן עָשָׂה תְּשׁוּבָה (טוּר וּמָרְדְּכַי פ' כֵּיצַד וּבְהַגָּהוֹת מַיְמוֹנִי פ"ו דְּהִלְכוֹת מַמְרִים).

18 A mamzer (someone born of a forbidden union) is obligated in honoring his father and in his fear. Even if his father is wicked and sinful, he must honor him and fear him. Rema: And some say he is not obligated to honor his evil father unless he repented (Tur; Mordechai, Chapter Keitzad; and Hagahot Maimoni, Laws of Rebels, Chapter 6).

יט אָסוּר לְאָדָם לְהִכְבִּיד עֻלּוֹ עַל בָּנָיו וּלְדַקְדֵּק בִּכְבוֹדוֹ עִמָּהֶם, שֶׁלֹּא יְבִיאֵם לִידֵי מִכְשׁוֹל, אֶלָּא יִמְחֹל וְיַעֲלִים עֵינָיו מֵהֶם, שֶׁהָאָב שֶׁמָּחַל עַל כְּבוֹדוֹ, כְּבוֹדוֹ מָחוּל.

19 It is forbidden [for the parent] to make his yoke heavy upon his children and to be exacting with them about his honor, so as not to bring them to an obstacle. Rather he should forgive and avert his eyes from them; since a father who foregoes his honor, his honor is forgiven.

כ הַמַּכֶּה לִבְנוֹ גָּדוֹל, מְנַדִּין אוֹתוֹ, שֶׁהֲרֵי עוֹבֵר עַל לִפְנֵי עִוֵּר לֹא תִתֵּן מִכְשׁוֹל (וַיִּקְרָא יט, יד). וְלא מִקְרֵי גָּדוֹל לְדָבָר זֶה, רַק אַחַר כ"ב שָׁנָה אוֹ כ"ד שָׁנָה (בְּקוּנְטְרֵס פ"ק דְּקִדּוּשִׁין וּבֵית יוֹסֵף סוֹף סִימָן של"ד).

20 They would excommunicate someone who strikes his adult son; as behold, he is transgressing, "you shall not put an obstacle in front of the blind" (Leviticus 19:14). But regarding this, he is only called adult after he is twenty-two or twenty-four years old (In the Kuntrass, Kiddushin, Chapter 4; and Beit Yosef 334 at the end).

כא חַיָּב אָדָם לְכַבֵּד אֵשֶׁת אָבִיו, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵינָהּ אִמּוֹ, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁאָבִיו קַיָּם. וְחַיָּב לְכַבֵּד בַּעַל אִמּוֹ, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁאִמּוֹ קַיֶּמֶת. אֲבָל לְאַחַר מִיתָה, אֵינוֹ חַיָּב בִּכְבוֹדָם. וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם דָּבָר הָגוּן לְכַבְּדָם אַף לְאַחַר מִיתָה.

21 A person is obligated to honor the wife of his father - even though she is not his mother - so long as his father is alive; and he is obligated to honor his mother's husband, so long as his mother is alive. But after [the blood relative's death], he is not obligated in their honor. Nevertheless, it is a proper thing to honor them, even after the death.

כב חַיָּב אָדָם בִּכְבוֹד אָחִיו הַגָּדוֹל, בֵּין שֶׁהוּא אָחִיו מֵאָבִיו בֵּין שֶׁהוּא אָחִיו מֵאִמּוֹ. וַאֲפִלּוּ הַקָּטָן הוּא תַּלְמִיד חָכָם וְגָדוֹל בְּתוֹרָה יוֹתֵר מִן הַגָּדוֹל. כֵּן מַשְׁמָע לוֹ (מִתְּשׁוּבַת הָרֹא"שׁ שֶׁבְּסָעִיף שאח"ז וּסְמַ"ג) וּדְלֹא כְּיֵשׁ חוֹלְקִין בָּזֶה (ב"ז).

22 A person is obligated to honor his older brother, whether he is his brother from his father or whether he is his brother from his mother. (And even if the younger one is a Torah scholar and greater in Torah than the older one.) (And so was it understood by him from the Responsa of the Rosh in the paragraph after [the one discussing the law above].) (B. Z.)

כג אָח גָּדוֹל שֶׁחֵרֵף וּבִזָּה לְאָחִיו שֶׁהוּא תַּלְמִיד חָכָם וְקָטָן מִמֶּנּוּ בְּשָׁנִים, וְנִדָּה הַקָּטָן לַגָּדוֹל, יָפֶה עָשָׂה שֶׁנִּדָּהוּ, דְּכֵיוָן שֶׁאֵינוֹ נוֹשֵׂא פָנִים לַתּוֹרָה אֵינוֹ עוֹשֶׂה מַעֲשֵׂה עַמְּךָ וְאֵינוֹ חַיָּב לְכַבְּדוֹ.

23 An older brother who cursed and disgraced his brother who is a Torah scholar but younger than him; and the younger one excommunicated the older one, he did well to excommunicate him. For since he does not show favor to the Torah, 'he does not do the deeds of your people,' such that he is not obligated to honor him.

כד חַיָּב אָדָם לְכַבֵּד חָמִיו. הַגָּה: יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאֵין אָדָם חַיָּב בִּכְבוֹד אֲבִי אָבִיו (מהרי"ק שֹׁרֶשׁ מ"ד). וְאֵינוֹ נ"ל, אֶלָּא דְּחַיָּב בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו יוֹתֵר מִכְּבוֹד אֲבִי אָבִיו (וּרְאָיָה מִמִּדְרָשׁ גַּבֵּי וַיִּזְבַּח זְבָחִים וגו' (בראשית מו, א)).

24 A person is obligated to honor his father-in-law. Rema: And some say that a person is not obligated to honor his grandfather, but this does not appear correct to me. Rather he is obligated in the honor of his father more than that of his grandfather (Maharik, Root 44). (And the proof is from the midrash regarding [Gen 46:1], "and he offered sacrifices [to the God of his father, Yitzchak]").

כה אִם הָאָב רוֹצֶה לְשָׁרֵת אֶת הַבֵּן, מֻתָּר לְקַבֵּל מִמֶּנּוּ אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן הָאָב בֶּן תּוֹרָה. תַּלְמִיד שֶׁרוֹצֶה לָלֶכֶת לְמָקוֹם אַחֵר, שֶׁהוּא בּוֹטֵחַ שֶׁיִּרְאֶה סִימַן בְּרָכָה בְּתַלְמוּדוֹ לִפְנֵי הָרַב שֶׁשָּׁם, וְאָבִיו מוֹחֶה בּוֹ לְפִי שֶׁדּוֹאֵג שֶׁבְּאוֹתָהּ הָעִיר הָעוֹבְדֵי כּוֹכָבִים מַעֲלִילִים, אֵינוֹ צָרִיךְ לִשְׁמֹעַ לְאָבִיו בָּזֶה. הַגָּה: וְכֵן אִם הָאָב מוֹחֶה בַּבֵּן לִשָּׂא אֵיזוֹ אִשָּׁה שֶׁיַּחְפֹּץ בָּהּ הַבֵּן, אֵין צָרִיךְ לִשְׁמֹעַ אֶל הָאָב (מהרי"ק שֹׁרֶשׁ קס"ו).

25 If a father wants to serve his son, it is permissible to accept [it] from him, unless the father is a Torah personality. A student who wants to go to another place since he is sure that he will see a sign of blessing in his learning in front of the teacher who is there - but his father protests to him, since he is worried that the idolaters in that city libel [the Jews] - does not need to listen to his father about this. Rema: And likewise, if a father protests [his] son marrying a certain woman whom the son wants, he does not need to listen to the father (Maharik, Root 167).

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