Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah Siman 344

Siman 344

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א מִצְוָה גְּדוֹלָה לְהַסְפִּיד עַל הַמֵּת כָּרָאוּי. וּמִצְוָתוֹ שֶׁיָּרִים קוֹלוֹ לוֹמַר עָלָיו דְּבָרִים הַמְּשַׁבְּרִים אֶת הַלֵּב, כְּדֵי לְהַרְבּוֹת בְּכִיָּה וּלְהַזְכִּיר שִׁבְחוֹ. וְאָסוּר לְהַפְלִיג בְּשִׁבְחוֹ יוֹתֵר מִדַּאי, אֶלָּא מַזְכִּירִין מִדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת שֶׁבּוֹ, וּמוֹסִיפִין בָּהֶם קְצָת, רַק שֶׁלֹּא יַפְלִיג. וְאִם לֹא הָיוּ בּוֹ מִדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת כְּלָל, לֹא יַזְכִּיר עָלָיו. וְחָכָם וְחָסִיד, מַזְכִּירִים לָהֶם חָכְמָתָם וַחֲסִידוּתָם. וְכָל הַמַּזְכִּיר עַל מִי שֶׁלֹּא הָיָה בּוֹ כְּלָל, אוֹ שֶׁמּוֹסִיף לְהַפְלִיג יוֹתֵר מִדַּאי עַל מַה שֶּׁהָיָה בּוֹ, גּוֹרֵם רָעָה לְעַצְמוֹ וְלַמֵּת.
1 It is an important religious duty to lament the dead fittingly; and the religious duty [is fulfilled] when one raises his voice [in funereal lamentations] to utter over him [the dead] words which break the heart in order to cause much weeping, and to mention his praise. It is forbidden to over-praise him too much, save to mention his good characteristic features [to which] a little may be added, provided one does not overexaggerate. And if he possessed no good characteristic features whatever, one should not mention [this] regarding him. [With respect to] a Sage and a pious man one may mention their wisdom and piety [respectively]. And one who mentions [aught] regarding one who did not possess [it] at all, or exaggerates too much that which he did possess, causes harm to himself and to the dead.
ב כְּשֵׁם שֶׁמַּסְפִּידִין עַל הָאֲנָשִׁים כָּךְ מַסְפִּידִין עַל הַנָּשִׁים כָּרָאוּי לָהֶן, וְנִסְפָּדוֹת בֵּין הָאֲנָשִׁים וַחֲכָמִים (טוּר).
2 Just as [funerary] lamentations are made for men, so too, are [funerary] lamentations made for women as is fitting for them. And they are lamented amongst men and scholars.
ג בְּמָקוֹם שֶׁרְגִילִין לְהַשְׂכִּיר מְקוֹנְנוֹת לְהַסְפִּיד, חַיָּב לְהַשְׂכִּיר מְקוֹנְנוֹת לְהַסְפִּיד עַל אִשְׁתּוֹ. וְאִם לֹא רָצָה, בָּא אָבִיהָ וּמַשְׂכִּיר, וּמוֹצִיא מִמֶּנּוּ בְּעַל כָּרְחוֹ.
3 In a locality where it is customary to hire wailing women to make the lamentation, one is dutibound to hire wailing women to make the lamentation for his wife. If he [the husband] was unwilling [to provide wailing women], her father comes and provides [this] and collects from him [the husband] against his will.
ד קָטָן, בֶּן כַּמָּה שָׁנִים יִהְיֶה כְּשֶׁמַּסְפִּידִין עָלָיו, עֲנִיִּים בְּנֵי חֲמִשָּׁה, עֲשִׁירִים בְּנֵי שִׁשָּׁה; בְּנֵי זְקֵנִים כִּבְנֵי עֲנִיִּים. אֲבָל צִדּוּק הַדִּין וְקַדִּישׁ, אוֹמְרִים עַל תִּינוֹק מִשֶּׁעָבְרוּ עָלָיו שְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם. הַגָּה: וְאֵין נוֹהֲגִים כֵּן, אֶלָּא עַד שֶׁיִּהְיֶה בֶּן י"ב חֹדֶשׁ שֶׁיּוֹצֵא בְּמִטָּה, כְּדִלְקַמָּן סִימָן שנ"ג סָעִיף ה'.
4 How old must an infant be with respect to making a lamentation for him? — With respect to the poor [a lamentation is made] for children of five years old; with respect to the rich, for children of six years old, and with respect to the children of elders, they are [regarded] as the children of the poor. However, one should recite Z idduk Haddin and Kaddish for an infant [who died] after thirty days have passed [from birth]. Rema: We do not follow this practice unless the infant is twelve months old and is taken out [ for burial ] on a bier as explained infra § 353, par. 5.
ה בְּנֵי עֲשִׁירִים וּבְנֵי חֲכָמִים, מוֹסִיפִין קְצָת עַל שֶׁבַח מַעֲשֵׂיהֶם.
5 [In the case of] the children of the rich and the children of scholars, one may add a little to the praise of their deeds.
ו תִּינוֹק שֶׁיּוֹדֵעַ לִשָּׂא וְלִתֵּן, מַסְפִּידִין אוֹתוֹ בְּמַעֲשֵׂה עַצְמוֹ; וְאִם אֵין לוֹ מַעֲשִׂים, מַסְפִּידִין אוֹתוֹ בְּמַעֲשֵׂה אֲבוֹתָיו; וְאִם אֵין לָהֶם מַעֲשִׂים, מַסְפִּידִין לָהֶם בְּמַעֲשֵׂה קְרוֹבָיו.
6 For a child who knows how to argue, a lamentation is made on account of his own deeds; and if he has no deeds, a lamentation is made for him on account of his parents' deeds; and if they [the parents] possess no deeds, a lamentation is made for them on account of the deeds of his relatives.
ז הַכַּלָּה, מַסְפִּידִין אוֹתָהּ בֵּין בְּמַעֲשֵׂה אָבִיהָ בֵּין בְּמַעֲשֵׂה בַּעֲלָהּ.
7 For a daughter-in-law a lamentation is made both on account of her father's deeds as well as on account of her husband's deeds.
ח הַמְּחֻתָּךְ וְהַמְסֹרָס וְהַנְּפָלִים, וּבֶן ח', וְכֵן בֶּן ט' מֵת, וְהָעוֹבֵד כּוֹכָבִים וְהָעֲבָדִים, אֵין מִתְעַסְקִין לְהֶסְפֵּד וּלְלַוּוֹת.
8 [For an embryo that came out] by pieces or with its feet foremost; for premature-born children; for a [viable] birth [which takes place after] eight [months of pregnancy] or a still birth [after] nine [months of pregnancy]; for a heathen or slaves, one does not engage in making a lamentation nor does one follow the funeral procession.
ט יוֹרְשִׁים שֶׁאֵינָם רוֹצִים לִפְרֹעַ שְׂכַר הַסַפְדָן, מוֹצִיאִים מֵהֶם בְּעַל כֹּרְחָם.
9 Heirs who refuse to pay the honorarium of the funerary orator are made to pay against their will.
י מִי שֶׁצִּוָּה שֶׁלּא יִסְפְּדוּהוּ, שׁוֹמְעִין לוֹ. אֲבָל אִם צִוָּה שֶׁלּא לִנְהֹג עָלָיו ז' וּגְזֵרַת שְׁלֹשִׁים, אֵין שׁוֹמְעִין לוֹ (מהרי"ו סִימָן ד').
10 One who left instructions that no lamentation be made for him, is obeyed. But if one instructed not to observe for him the seven or the restrictions of the thirty [ days of mourning ] is not obeyed.
יא אִסוּר תְּלִישַׁת שֵׂעָר, וְכֵן שְׂרִיטָה עַל מֵת, בְּסִימָן ק"פ.
11 The prohibition against tearing the hair or lacerating the flesh [in token of mourning] for a dead person, is found [supra] § 180.
יב הָעָם הָעוֹסְקִים בַּהֶסְפֵּד, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁהַמֵּת מֻטָּל לִפְנֵיהֶם, נִשְׁמָטִים אֶחָד אֶחָד וְקוֹרִין אֶת שְׁמַע וּמִתְפַּלְּלִין. אֵין הַמֵּת מֻטָּל לִפְנֵיהֶם, הֵם יוֹשְׁבִים וְקוֹרִים, וְהָאוֹנֵן יוֹשֵׁב וְדוֹמֵם; הֵם עוֹמְדִים וּמִתְפַּלְּלִים, וְהוּא מַצְדִּיק עָלָיו אֶת הַדִּין וְאוֹמֵר: יְהִי רָצוֹן מִלְּפָנֶיךָ ה' אֱלֹהַי שֶׁתִּגְדֹּר פִּרְצוֹתֵינוּ וּפִרְצוֹת עַמְּךָ בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל. [בְּרַחֲמִים]
12 The people who are engaged in the lamentation, as long as the corpse lies before them, they slip out one by one and read the Shema and recite the Tefillah; [if] the corpse does not lie before them, they sit and read [the Shema ] and the Onen sits in silence; they stand and recite the Tefillah and he acknowledges the justice of the [Divine] verdict, and says, 'May it be Thy Will, O Lord, my God, that Thou repare our breaches and the breaches of Thy people the House of Israel.'
יג לְאַחַר קְבוּרָה מַפְסִיקִין הַהֶסְפֵּד, בֵּין בִּקְרִיאַת שְׁמַע בֵּין בִּתְפִלָּה. וְעַיֵּן בְּאֹרַח חַיִּים סִימָן ע"ב.
13 After burial, the lamentation is interrupted both for the purpose of reading the Shema as well as [the recital of] the Tefillah.
יד אֵין עוֹשִׂין שְׁנֵי הֶסְפֵּדִים בְּעִיר אַחַת, אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן יֵשׁ שָׁם רֹב עַם לְחַלֵּק לִשְׁנַיִם וְיִהְיֶה בְּכָל הֶסְפֵּד עַם כְּדֵי צָרְכּוֹ.
14 Two lamentations are not made [simultaneously] in the same city, unless there is a multitude of people that could be divided into two [groups, so that] at every lamentation there will be a sufficient number of people [present].
טו אֵין עוֹשִׂים שְׁנֵי הֶסְפֵּדִים בְּעִיר אַחַת, אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן יֵשׁ כְּדֵי לְסַפֵּר שְׁבָחָיו שֶׁל זֶה וּשְׁבָחָיו שֶׁל זֶה.
15 Two lamentations are not made [simultaneously] in the same city, unless there is [a funerary orator available] in order to tell the praises of one [dead] and [another funerary orator to tell] the praises of the other [dead].
טז אֵין אוֹמְרִים בִּפְנֵי הַמֵּת אֶלָּא דְּבָרִים שֶׁל מֵת, כְּגוֹן צָרְכֵי קְבוּרָתוֹ וְהֶסְפֵּד; אֲבָל שְׁאָר כָּל דָּבָר, אָסוּר. וְהָנֵי מִלֵּי בְּדִבְרֵי תּוֹרָה, אֲבָל בְּמִלֵּי דְּעַלְמָא לֵית לָן בָּהּ.
16 One may discuss in the presence of the corpse only those matters which concern the dead person, e.g., [matters pertaining to] his burial needs and lamentation; but all other matters are forbidden. And this ruling obtains only with respect to Torah discussions, but in [the case of] secular matters we do not mind.
יז מֻתָּר לוֹמַר פְּסוּקִים וּדְרָשָׁה לִכְבוֹד הַמֵּת, בְּתוֹךְ אַרְבַּע אַמּוֹתָיו אוֹ בְּבֵית הַקְּבָרוֹת (מהרא"י בְּבֵאוּר מא"ח לְדַעַת רמ"ה).
17 It is permissible to recite Biblical verses and [render] expositions in honour of the dead person within his four cubits, or on the cemetery.
יח חָכָם שֶׁמֵּת, בֵּית מִדְרָשׁוֹ בָּטֵל, שֶׁסוֹפְדִין אוֹתוֹ כָּל שִׁבְעָה. אֲבָל שְׁאָר מִדְרָשׁוֹת, עוֹסְקִין בַּתּוֹרָה אֲפִלּוּ בִּשְׁעַת הֶסְפֵּד; וְאַחַר הַהֶסְפֵּד אֵין תַּלְמִידָיו מִתְקַבְּצִים בְּבֵית מִדְרָשׁוֹ, אֶלָּא מִתְחַבְּרִים שְׁנַיִם שְׁנַיִם וְלוֹמְדִים בְּבָתֵּיהֶם. אַב בֵּית דִּין שֶׁמֵּת, כָּל מִדְּרָשׁוֹת שֶׁבָּעִיר בְּטֵלִין, וְהָרְגִילִין לְהִתְפַּלֵּל בב"ה מְשַׁנִּים מְקוֹמָם. נָשִׂיא שֶׁמֵּת, כָּל בָּתֵּי מִדְרָשׁוֹת שֶׁבְּכָל מָקוֹם שֶׁמַּסְפִּידִין אוֹתוֹ בְּטֵלִים, וְאַחַר הַהֶסְפֵּד אֵין נִכְנָסִים לְבֵית הַמִּדְרָשׁ, אֶלָּא מִתְחַבְּרִים שְׁנַיִם שְׁנַיִם וְלוֹמְדִין בְּבָתֵּיהֶם. וְכָל בְּנֵי הָעִיר מִתְפַּלְּלִים בְּבֵית הָאָבֵל, בֵּין בְּחֹל בֵּין בְּשַׁבָּת, חוּץ מִקְּרִיאַת הַתּוֹרָה בְּשַׁבָּת וְשֵׁנִי וַחֲמִישִׁי, שֶׁקּוֹרִין בב"ה. וְלֹא יְטַיְּלוּ בַּשּׁוּק, אֶלָּא יוֹשְׁבִים מִשְׁפָּחוֹת מִשְׁפָּחוֹת וְדָוִים כָּל הַיּוֹם.
18 When a Hakam dies, his Academy is in recess, for they make a lamentation for him throughout the seven [days of mourning]; but [all] the other Academies engage in [the study of] the Torah, even during the time that the lamentation is held; and after the lamentation his disciples do not assemble in his Academy, but join in pairs and study at their homes. When an Ab Beth Din dies, all the Academies of the city are in recess, and those who are in the habit of saying their prayers [the Tefillah ] in the Synagogue, change their [customary] places. When a Nasi dies, all Academies, wherever a lamentation is made for him, are in recess; and after the lamentation, they do not enter the Academy, but join in pairs and study at their homes, and all the townspeople say their prayers [the Tefillah ] in the house of mourning, both on a weekday and on the Sabbath save the reading of [the weekly portions] of the Torah on the Sabbath, the second and the fifth [days of the week] which they read in the Synagogue. And they should not walk about in the street, but they sit [at home] in family groups and feel the affliction all day.
יט מַסְפִּידִין תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים וּנְשׁוֹתֵיהֶם בב"ה וּבְבֵית הַמִּדְרָשׁ, אֲבָל לֹא שְׁאָר הָעָם.
19 Lamentations are made for scholars and their wives in the Synagogue and in the Academy, but not for the rest of the people.
כ חָכָם וְאַלּוּף וְגָאוֹן, מַכְנִיסִין אוֹתוֹ לְבֵית הַמִּדְרָשׁ, וּמַנִּיחִין הַמִּטָּה בַּמָּקוֹם שֶׁהָיָה דּוֹרֵשׁ, וְסוֹפְדִין אוֹתוֹ שָׁם; וּכְשֶׁמּוֹצִיאִים הַמִּטָּה, סוֹפְדִים אוֹתוֹ עַד בֵּית הַקְּבָרוֹת, וּבַיּוֹם הַז' עוֹלִים לְבֵית הַקְּבָרוֹת וּמְבַקְּרִין אוֹתוֹ, וְכֵן בְּיוֹם שְׁלֹשִׁים וְתַכְלִית י"ב חֹדֶשׁ, מְבַקְּרִין וּמַשְׁכִּיבִין אוֹתוֹ.
20 A Hakam or an Aluf or a Gaon is brought into the Academy and the bier is placed on the spot where he used to lecture and a lamentation is made for him there, and when they take the bier out they make a lamentation for him until [they reach] the cemetery, and on the seventh day they go up to the cemetery and visit him, and likewise on the thirtieth day, and [thus] for twelve complete months they visit [him] and recite the Hashkabah.
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