Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah Siman 375

Siman 375

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א מֵאֵימָתַי חָל הָאֲבֵלוּת, מִשֶּׁנִּקְבַּר וְנִגְמַר סְתִימַת הַקֶּבֶר בְּעָפָר, מִיָּד מַתְחִיל הָאֲבֵלוּת וּמְעַטֵּף רֹאשׁוֹ, אֲבָל אֵינוֹ חוֹלֵץ מִנְעָלָיו עַד שֶׁיַּגִּיעַ לְבֵיתוֹ (רַמְבַּ"ן). וְעַכְשָׁו נוֹהֲגִים לַחֲלֹץ מִנְעָל אַחַר סְתִימַת הַגּוֹלָל מִיָּד, כִּדְאִיתָא בְּסִימָן שע"ו. הַגָּה: וְע"ל סִימָן שפ"ב. הָיָה סָבוּר שֶׁנִּסְתַּם הַקֶּבֶר וְהִתְחִיל לְהִתְאַבֵּל, וְאַחַר כָּךְ נוֹדַע לוֹ שֶׁטָּעָה, חוֹזֵר וּמַתְחִיל הָאֲבֵלוּת מֵחָדָשׁ (תְּשׁוּבַת הָרֹא"שׁ כְּלָל כ"ז).

1 From what time does the mourning [-period] take effect? — As soon as [the corpse] has been buried and the closing of the grave with earth has been completed, the mourning [-period] commences forthwith. He [the mourner] wraps his head [in mourning] but does not remove his shoes until he reaches his house. Now it is customary to remove one's shoes [in mourning] immediately after the closing of [the grave] by the Golel as stated in § 376. Rema: If one thought that the grave had been closed and commenced to observe mourning rites and later it became known to him that he was mistaken, he begins the observance of mourning rites anew.

ב מִי שֶׁדַּרְכָּם לִשְׁלֹחַ הַמֵּת לִמְדִינָה אַחֶרֶת לְקָבְרוֹ, וְאֵינָם יוֹדְעִים מָתַי יִקָּבֵר, מֵעֵת שֶׁיַּחַזְרוּ פְּנֵיהֶם מִלְלַוּוֹת מַתְחִילִין לִמְנוֹת שִׁבְעָה וּשְׁלֹשִׁים וּמַתְחִילִין לְהִתְאַבֵּל (ל' רַמְבַּ"ם פֶּרֶק א' מה"א ד"ו); וְהַהוֹלְכִים עִמּוֹ, מוֹנִים מִשֶּׁיִּקָבֵר. וְאִם גָדוֹל הַמִּשְׁפָּחָה הוֹלֵךְ עִמּוֹ, אַף אֵלוּ שֶׁבְּכָאן אֵינָם מוֹנִים אֶלָא מִשֶּׁיִּקָבֵר; וּגְדוֹל מִשְׁפָּחָה הַיְנוּ דְּבֵיתָא סָמוּךְ עֲלֵהּ וּגְרִירֵי כֻּלְהוּ בַּתְרֵיהּ, לֹא שְׁנָא אָח לֹא שְׁנָא בֵּן קָטָן; וְיֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר וְהוּא שֶׁיְּהֵא בֶּן י"ג.

2 Those who are wont to send the corpse to another large town for burial and they know not when he [the corpse] will be buried, — [the law is that] as soon as they [the mourners] turn their faces [to come back] from escorting [the corpse], they begin to count the seven and thirty [days of mourning] and commence [forthwith] the observance of mourning rites, and those who accompany him [the corpse], count [the days of mourning] from [the time] that he is buried. However, if the chief of the family accompanies him [the corpse — the law is that] even those who remain here, count only from [the time] he is buried. The chief of the family means the one upon whom [the people of] the household depend and who are guided by him, irrespective whether he is a brother or a young son. However, there is one authority who says that he must be [at least] thirteen years old.

ג אִם מְפַנִּין אֶת הַמֵּת מִקֶבֶר לְקֶבֶר, אִם קְבָרוּהוּ בְּקֶבֶר רִאשׁוֹן עַל דַּעַת לִהְיוֹת קָבוּר שָׁם עוֹלָמִית, אֶלָא שֶׁאַחַר כָּךְ נִמְלְכוּ לְפַנּוֹתוֹ מִשָּׁם, אֵין מוֹנִין לוֹ אֶלָא מִשֶּׁיִּקָבֵר בְּקֶבֶר רִאשׁוֹן, אֲפִלוּ פִּנּוּהוּ תּוֹךְ ז'. אֲבָל אִם בִּתְחִלָה קְבָרוּהוּ עַל דַּעַת לְפַנּוֹתוֹ כְּשֶׁיִּזְדַּמֵּן לָהֶם, מַתְחִילִין אֲבֵלוּת מִיָּד; וְאִם פִּנּוּהוּ תּוֹךְ שִׁבְעָה, חוֹזְרִין וּמוֹנִין מִשֶּׁיִּקָבֵר שֵׁנִית; וְאִם לֹא פִּנּוּהוּ עַד לְאַחַר שִׁבְעָה, כְּבַר עָבַר אֲבֵלוּתָם וְאֵין מִתְאַבְּלִין עָלָיו פַּעַם אַחֶרֶת; וְאִם מִתְּחִלָה הָיָה דַּעְתָּם לְפַנּוֹתוֹ מִשָּׁם תּוֹךְ שִׁבְעָה, אֵין מַתְחִילִין לִמְנוֹת עַד שֶׁיִּקָבֵר בַּקֶבֶר הַשֵּׁנִי.

3 If they remove the corpse from one grave to another grave, — [the law is that] if they buried him in the first grave with the intention that he remain buried therein forever, only that subsequently they decided to remove him therefrom, they count [the days of mourning] only from the [time] that he was buried in the first grave, even if they removed him within the seven [days of mourning]. But if at the outset they buried him with the intention to remove him [therefrom] whenever the matter will come to hand, they commence the mourning [-period] forthwith; if, however, [in this case] they removed him within the seven [days of mourning], they [begin to] count again [the seven days of mourning] from [the moment] that he is buried a second time. If they did not remove him until after the seven [days of mourning, then] their mourning [-period] has passed, and they do not observe mourning for him a second time; and if at the outset their intention was to remove him therefrom within the seven [days of mourning], they do not begin to count until he is buried in the second grave.

ד אִם נָתְנוּ הַמֵּת בְּאָרוֹן, וּנְתָנוּהוּ בְּבַיִת אַחֵר לְפִי שֶׁהָיְתָה הָעִיר בְּמָצוֹר, מוֹנִים לוֹ מִיָּד שִׁבְעָה וּשְׁלֹשִׁים, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁדַּעְתָּם לְקָבְרוֹ בְּבֵית הַקְבָרוֹת אַחַר הַמָּצוֹר, וּסְתִימַת אָרוֹן הָוֵי כִּקְבוּרָה וְחָל עֲלֵיהֶם אֲבֵלוּת מִיָּד.

4 If they placed the corpse in a coffin and put it into another house because the city was under siege, they [should begin to] count for him forthwith the seven and the thirty [days of mourning], although their intention is to bury him in the cemetery after the siege [is over] and the closing of the coffin [in this case] is regarded as burial and mourning rites become effective upon them forthwith.

ה הֲרוּגֵי מַלְכוּת שֶׁאֵין מַנִּיחִים אוֹתָם לִקָבֵר, מֵאֵימָתַי מַתְחִילִין לְהִתְאַבֵּל עֲלֵיהֶם וְלִמְנוֹת ז' וּשְׁלֹשִׁים, מִשֶּׁנִּתְיָאֲשׁוּ לִשְׁאֹל לַמֶּלֶךְ לְקָבְרָן, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁלֹּא נִתְיָאֲשׁוּ מִלִגְנֹב אוֹתָם.

5 Those executed by the government who are not permitted [by the ruler] to be buried, — when does one begin to observe mourning rites for them and to count the seven and thirty [days of mourning]? — From [the moment] that they have given up hope to [continue] to request the ruler's [permission] to bury them, although they have not given up hope of carrying them off stealthily.

ו מִי שֶׁהוֹדִיעוּהוּ שֶׁצָּלְבוּ עוֹבְדֵי כּוֹכָבִים קְרוֹבוֹ בְּעִיר אַחֶרֶת וְנָהַג אֲבֵלוּת מִיָּד, וְאַחַר כָּךְ נוֹדַע לוֹ שֶׁעֲדַיִן עוֹמֵד בַּצְּלִיבָה, אוֹתוֹ אֲבֵלוּת לֹא עָלָה לוֹ וְחוֹזֵר וּמוֹנֶה מִשֶּׁיִּקָבֵר אוֹ מִשֶּׁנִּתְיָאֲשׁוּ מִלְקָבְרוֹ (דַּעַת ר"י וְרַמְבַּ"ן).

6 One who was informed that heathens have impaled his near-of-kin in another town and [as a result of which] commenced the observance of mourning rites forthwith, but subsequently it became known to him that he is still awaiting impalement, — [the law is that] the mourning rites [already observed] do not count for him [as valid] and he must count again from [the time] that [the corpse] is buried or from [the time] they have given up hope of burying him.

ז מִי שֶׁטָּבַע בְּמַיִם שֶׁיֵּשׁ לָהֶם סוֹף, אוֹ שֶׁיָּצָא קוֹל שֶׁהֲרָגוּהוּ לִסְטִים אוֹ שֶׁגְרַרְתּוֹ חַיָּה, מֵאֵימָתַי מוֹנִים, מִשֶּׁנִּתְיָאֲשׁוּ לְבַקֵשׁ. מְצָאוּהוּ אֵבָרִים אֵבָרִים וּמַכִּירִין אוֹתוֹ בְּסִימָנֵי גוּפוֹ, אֵין מוֹנִין לוֹ עַד שֶׁיִּמָּצֵא רֹאשׁוֹ וְרֻבּוֹ אוֹ יִתְיָאֲשׁוּ מִלְבַקֵשׁ (בָּרַיְתָא מְבִיאָהּ רַמְבַּ"ן); וְאִם נִמְצָא אַחַר שֶׁנִּתְיָאֲשׁוּ מִמֶּנּוּ, אֵין הַקְרוֹבִין צְרִיכִים לַחֲזֹר וּלְהִתְאַבֵּל, אֶלָא הַבָּנִים, אִם הֵם שָׁם בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁנִּמְצָא מִתְאַבְּלִים אוֹתוֹ הַיּוֹם דְּלֹא גָרַע מִלִקוּט עַצְמוֹת אָבִיו; אֲבָל אִם אֵינָם שָׁם, וְשָׁמְעוּ אַחַר שֶׁעָבַר הַיּוֹם, אֵין צְרִיכִין לְהִתְאַבֵּל. הַגָּה: אִם שָׁלְחוּ מֵתֵיהֶם לְעִיר אַחֶרֶת, שֶׁדִּינָם לְהַתְחִיל הָאֲבֵלוּת מִשֶּׁיַּחֲזִירוּ פְּנֵיהֶם, וְהִתְחִילוּ לִמְנוֹת הָאֲבֵלוּת, וְאַחַר כָּךְ נִתְפַּס הַמֵּת וְלֹא נִתַּן לִקְבוּרָה זְמַן אָרֹךְ, אֵין צְרִיכִין לְהַפְסִיק אֲבֵלוּתָן, וְאֵין צְרִיכִין לַחֲזֹר וּלְהִתְאַבֵּל אַחַר כָּךְ, דְּמֵאַחַר שֶׁדִּינָם לְהַתְחִיל מִיָּד, אֵין צְרִיכִין לְהַפְסִיק (מָרְדְּכַי סוֹף מ"ק).

7 For one who drowned in waters that have an end, or for one regarding whom a rumour circulated that robbers have murdered him, or for one whom a beast dragged away,— from what time does one count [the days of mourning]? — From [the time] they have given up the search [for him]. [If] they found him in limbs and they recognize him through his body marks, one does not count [the days of mourning] for him until he finds his head and the larger portion of his [body], or if they have given up their search [for him]. If he was found after they had given up hope of [recovering] him, the near-of-kin are not required to observe mourning rites again, but the children [of the dead person], if they were present there at the time he was found, observe mourning rites for him on that day [only], for this is not less important than [the case of] a collection [that is made] of his father's bones. However, if they [the children] are not present there, and they heard [about it] after the day was over, they are not required to observe mourning rites. Rema: If they sent their dead to another city [ for burial, regarding which ] the law is that they should begin [ to observe ] mourning rites from [ the time ] that they turn their faces [ to return from the funeral escort ], and they commenced to count the days of mourning, but subsequently the corpse was seized, and it was not released for burial for a long time, — [ the law is that ] they are not required to interrupt their observance of mourning rites, nor are they required subsequently to observe mourning rites again, for since the law [ permits ] them to begin [ the observance of mourning rites ] forthwith, they are not required to interrupt [ the mourning ].

ח מִי שֶׁמֵּת לוֹ קָרוֹב, וְלֹא יָדַע עַד שֶׁבָּא לַמָּקוֹם שֶׁמֵּת שָׁם הַמֵּת, אוֹ לִמְקוֹם קְבוּרָה, אִם הָיָה בְּמָקוֹם קָרוֹב שֶׁהוּא מַהֲלַךְ י' פַּרְסָאוֹת שֶׁאֶפְשָׁר שֶׁיָּבֹא בְּיוֹם אֶחָד, אֲפִלוּ בָּא בַּיּוֹם הַז', אִם מָצָא מְנַחֲמִים אֵצֶל גְדוֹל הַבַּיִת, אֲפִלוּ שֶׁנִּנְעֲרוּ לַעֲמֹד, הוֹאִיל וּמָצָא מְנַחֲמִים דְּהַיְנוּ שֶׁנּוֹהֲגִים עֲדַיִן קְצָת אֲבֵלוּת (טוּר וְרַשְׁבָּ"א בִּתְשׁוּבָה), עוֹלֶה וּמוֹנֶה לוֹ עִמָּהֶם תַּשְׁלוּם שְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם; וְאִם לֹא מָצָא מְנַחֲמִים, מוֹנֶה לְעַצְמוֹ. וְכֵן אִם הָיָה בְּמָקוֹם רָחוֹק, אֲפִלוּ בָּא בְּיוֹם שֵׁנִי, מוֹנֶה לְעַצְמוֹ שִׁבְעָה וּשְׁלֹשִׁים מִיּוֹם שֶׁבָּא. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דַּאֲפִילוּ אִם בָּא אֶחָד, וְאֵין הַגָּדוֹל בַּבַּיִת רַק שֶׁהָלַךְ לְצֹרֶךְ הַמֵּת, אִם חָזַר תּוֹךְ ג' יָמִים הָוֵי כְּאִלּוּ הוּא בַּבַּיִת וְהַבָּא תּוֹךְ ג' מוֹנֶה עִמָּהֶם (וְכֵן הוּא בַּטּוּר); וְיֵשׁ לְהָקֵל כִּסְבָרָא זוֹ. וְכָל שֶׁדִּינוֹ לִמְנוֹת עִמָּהֶם, אֲפִלּוּ אִם חָזַר אַחַר כָּךְ לְבֵיתוֹ, מוֹנֶה עִמָּהֶם (הָרַשְׁבָּ"א סִימָן תע"ז).

8 One whose near-of-kin died and he did not know [about it] until he arrived at the place where the person died or at the place of burial, — [the law is that] if he was [at the time the death occurred] in a near place, viz., a distance of ten parasangs [away], so that it was possible for him to arrive in one day, even if he arrived on the seventh day,—[the law is that] if [upon arrival] he found comforters in the presence of the chief of the household, even if they were [already] preparing [themselves] to get up [and leave, nevertheless], since he found comforters, i.e., they were still observing mourning rites, he is credited [with the mourning already observed], and he counts with them the completion of the thirty day [mourning period]. But if he did not find comforters [upon his arrival], he counts on his own. So too, if he was in a distant place, even if he arrived on the second day, he counts on his own the seven and thirty [days of mourning] from the day he arrives. Rema: And some say that even if one arrived and the chief [ of the household ] is not home, but had left [ to attend ] to the needs of the corpse,— [ the law is that ] if he returned within three days, he is regarded as if he were at home, and the one who arrives within the three days counts with them, and the lenient view should be adopted in accord with this opinion. And one who in accordance with the law counts with them, — [ the law is that ] even if he later returned to his home, he [ still continues to ] count with them.

ט בַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, כְּשֶׁלֹּא שָׁמַע שֶׁמֵּת, עַד שֶׁבָּא. אֲבָל אִם נוֹדַע לוֹ בַּיּוֹם הַשֵּׁנִי וְהִתְחִיל לְהִתְאַבֵּל, לֹא יְקַצֵּר אֲבֵלוּתוֹ בִּשְׁבִיל שֶׁבָּא אֶצְלָם.

9 This applies only [to a case] where he did not hear that he [his near-of-kin] had died until he arrived [at the place of death or burial], but if it became known to him [in his place] on the second day and he commenced to observe mourning rites, he should not shorten his [period of] mourning on grounds that he [now] has arrived in their midst.

י מִי שֶׁהוּא אָבֵל, וּבְתוֹךְ ז' מֵת לוֹ מֵת אַחֵר, מוֹנֶה ז' לְמֵת אַחֲרוֹן וְעוֹלִים לוֹ לְתַשְׁלוּם שִׁבְעָה יְמֵי אֲבֵלוּת הָרִאשׁוֹן.

10 One who was in mourning and within the seven [days] suffered another bereavement, counts seven days of mourning from [the time] of the latter bereavement, and [the days thus observed] are accounted for him also as the completion of the seven days of mourning after the first bereavement.

יא מִי שֶׁהִתְפַּלֵל עַרְבִית, וַעֲדַיִן הוּא יוֹם, וְשָׁמַע שֶׁמֵּת לוֹ מֵת, יֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר שֶׁמּוֹנֶה מִיּוֹם הַמָּחֳרָת, וְאוֹתוֹ יוֹם אֵינוֹ עוֹלֶה.

11 One who recited the evening Tefillah and it is still day, and [then heard that he had suffered a bereavement, there is an authoriity who says that he counts [the days of mourning] from the following day and that day [the previous day] does not enter [into the counting].

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