ד עַכְשָׁו נוֹהֲגִים שֶׁאַחַר שֶׁנִּגְמַר סְתִימַת הַקֶבֶר מֵעָפָר אוֹ לְאַחַר שֶׁהָפַךְ הָאָבֵל פָּנָיו מִן הַמֵּת, חוֹלְצִין מִנְעָל וְסַנְדָּל וּמַרְחִיקִין מְעַט מִבֵּית הַקְבָרוֹת, וְאוֹמְרִים קַדִּישׁ דְּהוּא עָתִיד לְחַדְּתָא עָלְמָא, וְאַחַר כָּךְ תּוֹלְשִׁין עָפָר וְתוֹלְשִׁין עֲשָׂבִים, וּמַשְׁלִיכִים אַחַר גֵוָם וְרוֹחֲצִין יְדֵיהֶם בְּמַיִם. הַגָּה: יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁיּוֹשְׁבִים ז"פ, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהָרוּחוֹת מְלַוּוֹת אוֹתוֹ, וְכָל זְמַן שֶׁיּוֹשְׁבִין, בּוֹרְחִין מִמֶּנּוּ (מהרי"ל בִּתְשׁוּבָה כ"ג בְּשֵׁם י"א). וּבִמְדִינוֹת אֵלּוּ לֹא נָהֲגוּ לֵישֵׁב רַק ג"פ, אַחַר שֶׁרָחֲצוּ הַיָּדַיִם, וְאוֹמְרִים כָּל פַּעַם: וִיהִי נֹעַם וְגו' (תְּהִלִּים צ, יז), יוֹשֵׁב בְּסֵתֶר (תְּהִלִּים צא, א) וְגו' וּכְשֶׁנִּקְבָּר הַמֵּת בְּיוֹם טוֹב, יְכוֹלִין לֵישֵׁב כָּךְ ג"פ כְּמוֹ בַּחֹל (מ"כ בְּהַגָּהוֹת מִנְהָגִים). וְהוּא הַדִּין אִם נִקְבַּר סָמוּךְ לְשַׁבָּת, עוֹשִׂין כֵּן בְּשַׁבָּת. וְנָהֲגוּ לְהַקְפִּיד אִם יִכָּנֵס אָדָם לְבַיִת אַחֵר קֹדֶם שֶׁיִּרְחַץ וְיֵשֵׁב ג"פ, וּמִנְהַג אֲבוֹתֵינוּ תּוֹרָה (שָׁם במהרי"ל). וְנִמְצָא בְּמִדְרָשׁוֹת לוֹמַר קַדִּישׁ עַל אָב (כָּל בּוֹ וריב"ש בְּשֵׁם תַּנְחוּמָא וְסִפְרִי, וּבְחַיֵּי בְּשֵׁם מַסֶכֶת כַּלָּה, וּבֵית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם הַזֹּהַר, וּבְאוֹר זָרוּעַ בְּשֵׁם תַּנָּא דְּבֵי אֵלִיָּהוּ רַבָּא); עַל כֵּן נָהֲגוּ לוֹמַר עַל אָב וָאֵם קַדִּישׁ בַּתְרָא י"ב חֹדֶשׁ, וְכֵן נָהֲגוּ לְהַפְטִיר בַּנָּבִיא, וּלְהִתְפַּלֵּל עַרְבִית בְּמוֹצָאֵי שַׁבָּתוֹת שֶׁהוּא הַזְּמַן שֶׁחוֹזְרִין הַנְּשָׁמוֹת לְגֵיהִנֹּם, וּכְשֶׁהַבֵּן מִתְפַּלֵּל וּמְקַדֵּשׁ בָּרַבִּים, פּוֹדֶה אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ מִן הַגֵּיהִנֹּם (כָּל בּוֹ בְּשֵׁם הַגָּהוֹת). וְנָהֲגוּ לוֹמַר קַדִּישׁ עַל הָאֵם אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהָאָב חַי עֲדַיִן, אֵינוֹ בְּיָדוֹ לִמְחוֹת לִבְנוֹ שֶׁלֹּא יֹאמַר קַדִּישׁ עַל אִמּוֹ (סְבָרַת הַבֵּית יוֹסֵף עַל פִּי הַמִּנְהָג). מִצְוָה לְהִתְעַנּוֹת בְּיוֹם שֶׁמֵּת אָב אוֹ אֵם (ריב"ש וְכָל בּוֹ). שְׁלֹשָׁה אַחִין וְאִישׁ נָכְרִי, הַשְּׁלֹשָׁה אַחִין נוֹטְלִין הַשְּׁלֹשָׁה קַדִּישִׁין וְהָאוֹמֵר נוֹטֵל קַדִּישׁ אֶחָד. וְנָהֲגוּ שֶׁאִם מַגִּיעַ לְאָדָם יוֹם שֶׁמֵּת בּוֹ אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ, שֶׁאוֹמְרִים עֲלֵיהֶם קַדִּישׁ יָתוֹם לְעוֹלָם, וּמִי שֶׁיּוֹדֵעַ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל כָּל הַתְּפִלָּה, מִתְפַּלֵּל; וְאִם יֵשׁ אֲבֵלִים אֲחֵרִים, נָהֲגוּ שֶׁתּוֹךְ שִׁבְעָה לְאֶבְלָם הֵם קוֹדְמִים, וְאֵין לוֹ קַדִּישׁ כְּלָל; תּוֹךְ שְׁלֹשִׁים, יֵשׁ לוֹ קַדִּישׁ אֶחָד; לְאַחַר ל', כָּל הַקַּדִּישִׁים שֶׁל אוֹתוֹ הַיּוֹם הֵם שֶׁלּוֹ. וּמוֹנִין שִׁבְעָה וְל' מִיּוֹם הַקְּבוּרָה, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁלֹּא שָׁמַע הָאָבֵל מִיָּד (במהרי"ל). וְאִם נָכְרִי הוּא כְּאֶחָד מִבְּנֵי הָעִיר לְעִנְיַן קַדִּישׁ זוֹ, הוֹלְכִים אַחַר הַמִּנְהָג (אָגוּר). וְאֵין מָקוֹם לְקַדִּישׁ זוֹ אֶלָּא עַל אָב וָאֵם בִּלְבַד, אֲבָל לֹא בִּשְׁאָר קְרוֹבִים (בְּאוֹר זָרוּעַ). וְאִם אֵין בב"ה אָבֵל עַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ, אוֹמֵר אוֹתוֹ קַדִּישׁ מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ אָב וָאֵם, בְּעַד כָּל מֵתֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל. (שָׁם) וְיֵשׁ מְקוֹמוֹת שֶׁנָּהֲגוּ שֶׁשְּׁאָר קְרוֹבִים אוֹמְרִים קַדִּישׁ עַל קְרוֹבֵיהֶם כְּשֶׁאֵין אֲבֵלִים עַל אֲבִיהֶם וְאִמָּם, וְיֵשׁ מְקוֹמוֹת שֶׁאֲפִלּוּ יֵשׁ אֲבֵלִים עַל אֲבִיהֶם וְאִמָּם, אוֹמְרִים שְׁאָר קְרוֹבִים, אֶלָּא שֶׁעוֹשִׂים פְּשָׁרָה בֵּינֵיהֶם שֶׁאֵין אוֹמְרִים כָּל כָּךְ קַדִּישִׁים כְּמוֹ הָאֲבֵלִים עַל אָב וָאֵם (מהרי"ק שֹׁרֶשׁ מ"ד); וְהוֹלְכִין בְּכָל זֶה אַחַר הַמִּנְהָג, וּבִלְבַד שֶׁיְּהֵא מִנְהָג קָבוּעַ בָּעִיר. וְהָאֲבֵלִים אוֹמְרִים קַדִּישׁ אֲפִלּוּ בְּשַׁבָּת וְיוֹם טוֹב (בְּאוֹר זָרוּעַ בְּשֵׁם ר"י מקורבי"ל), אֲבָל לֹא נָהֲגוּ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל בְּשַׁבָּת וְיוֹם טוֹב (כֵּן הוּא בִּתְשׁוּבַת מהרי"ל), אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵין אִסּוּר בַּדָּבָר, אֲבָל בִּימוֹת הַחֹל, מִי שֶׁיּוֹדֵעַ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל, יִתְפַּלֵּל וְיוֹתֵר מוֹעִיל מִקַּדִּישׁ יָתוֹם שֶׁלֹּא נִתְקַן אֶלָּא לִקְטַנִּים; וּמִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל כָּל הַתְּפִלָּה, יִתְפַּלֵּל לַמְנַצֵּחַ וּבָא לְצִיּוֹן וְכו' (בְּאוֹר זָרוּעַ). וְנָהֲגוּ שֶׁאֵין אוֹמְרִים קַדִּישׁ וּתְפִלָּה רַק י"א חֳדָשִׁים, כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יַעֲשׂוּ אֲבִיהֶם וְאִמָּם רְשָׁעִים, כִּי מִשְׁפַּט רָשָׁע י"ב חֹדֶשׁ. וְאִם הָיוּ אֲבֵלִים כָּאן וּבָאוּ אַחַר כָּךְ אֲבֵלִים אֲחֵרִים, הַשְּׁנִיִּים יֵשׁ לָהֶם הַקַּדִּישִׁים וְהַתְּפִלּוֹת כָּל ל' יוֹם מִיּוֹם הַקְּבוּרָה, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁלֹּא שָׁמְעוּ. יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּמוּמָר שֶׁנֶּהֱרַג בְּיַד עוֹבְדֵי כּוֹכָבִים, בָּנָיו אוֹמְרִים עָלָיו קַדִּישׁ (הרד"כ בַּיִת י"א ובב"ז) וְעַיֵּן לְעֵיל סִימָן ש"מ.
4 Nowadays it is customary that after the closing of the grave with earth has been completed, — or after the mourner turned his face from the corpse, — they [the mourners] remove [their] shoes and sandals, and keep away a short [distance] from the burial grounds and [then] say Kaddish, [viz., 'May His great Name be magnified and sanctified in] the world that He will create anew etc.,' after which they detach earth and pluck grass [out of the ground] and cast it behind their back and wash their hands with water. Rema: Some say that [ after burial ] they sit down seven times because the [ evil ] spirits follow him, and so long as they sit down, they flee from him; and in these countries the custom prevails to sit down only three times after they have washed their hands, and each time [ they sit down ] they say, 'And let the graciousness of the Lord our God be upon us etc.' 'O thou that dwellest in the covert of the most High etc..' When the corpse is buried on a Festival, one may six thus three times as on a weekday. Likewise, if one was buried close to [ the advent of ] the Sabbath, this is done [ even ] on the Sabbath. It is the adopted practice to be particular with one lest he enter another house before he washes [ his hands ] and sits down three times, and the custom of our ancestors is [ considered binding ] law. In the Midrashim it is found that one should recite Kaddish for a father. Therefore, it is the adopted practice to recite the last Kaddish [ concluding the services ] twelve months for a father and mother. Likewise, is it common usage [ for a mourner ] to recite the Haftarah in the Prophets and to lead the services at the evening prayers at the conclusion of the Sabbath, which is the time when the souls [ of the departed ] return to Gehenna; and when the [ mourning ] son leads the Services and sanctifies [ the name of God ] in public, he [ thereby ] redeems his father and mother from Gehenna. It is the adopted usage to recite Kaddish for one's mother although the father is still living, [ and the latter ] has no right to prevent his son from reciting Kaddish for his mother. It is a religious duty to fast on the day that one's father and mother died. [ In the case of ] three brothers and a stranger [ with respect to the rules of precedence concerning the recital of Kaddish, — the law is that ] the three brothers get [ priority to recite ] three Kaddishim, and the other gets [ priority to recite ] one Kaddish. It is customary that when the day on which one's father or mother died, arrives, one always recites the mourner's Kaddish for them. One who knows how to lead the entire Service should do so. However, if there are other mourners [ present ], it is customary that within the seven days of their mourning [ period ], they take precedence and he has no [ priority ] rights [ regarding ] the Kaddish at all; if within [ their ] thirty [ days of mourning ], he has [ priority rights to recite ] one Kaddish; [ if ] after [ their ] thirty [ days of mourning ], — all the Kaddishim of that day belong to him. The seven and thirty [ days of mourning ] are counted from the day of burial, even if [ the mourner ] had not heard [ the death report ] forthwith. Whether a stranger is regarded as one of the townspeople with respect to this Kaddish, we follow the accepted practice. This [ above-mentioned ] Kaddish applies only [ where it is recited ] for a father and mother alone, but not [ in the case of ] other near-of-kin. If there is no one present in the Synagogue who is in mourning for one's father or mother, that Kaddish may be recited by one who has no father and mother on behalf of all the dead of Israel. There are localities where it is customary that other [ surviving ] near-of-kin recite Kaddish for their relations where [ the latter leave ] no parental mourners; and there are localities where even if there are parental mourners, the other [ surviving ] near-of-kin [ may also ] recite [ the Kaddish ], only that they [ the latter ] make a mutual agreement not to recite as many Kaddishim as would the mourners for a father and mother [ proper ]. In this entire [ matter ] we follow the accepted custom, provided the custom is fixed in the [ particular ] city. The mourners recite Kaddish even on the Sabbath and Festivals, but it is not customary for them to lead the services on the Sabbath and Festivals, although there exists no prohibition against [ this ] matter. However, during the weekdays, whoever knows how to lead the Services, should do so, and [ this ] is [ even ] more efficacious than [ reciting ] the mourner's Kaddish, which was instituted [ originally ] only for minors. And one who knows not how to lead the entire Service, should lead the Service [ at least ] from [ the section beginning with ] 'For the chief musician etc.,' 'And a redeemer shall come to Z ion etc.' It is the adopted custom to recite Kaddish and lead the Services only for eleven months so that [ children ] should not consider their father and mother wicked, for the judgment of a wicked person [ in Gehenna lasts ] twelve months. If there were mourners present here, and later other mourners came, — the latter have [ priority with respect to ] the Kaddish and [ leading ] the Services throughout the thirty days [ of their mourning ] from the day of burial, although [ the latter ] did not hear [ the death report until later ]. Some say that [ in the case of ] an apostate Jew who was murdered by heathens, [ the law is that ] his children recite Kaddish for him.