Siman 378
Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.
א אָבֵל אָסוּר לֶאֱכֹל מִשֶּׁלוֹ בִּסְעֻדָּה רִאשׁוֹנָה, אֲבָל בַּשְּׁנִיָּה מֻתָּר, אֲפִלוּ בְּיוֹם רִאשׁוֹן. וּמִצְוָה עַל שְׁכֵנָיו שֶׁיַּאֲכִילוּהוּ מִשֶׁלָהֶם, כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יֹאכַל מִשֶּׁלוֹ. וְיָכוֹל אֶחָד לְהַאֲכִיל אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ בִּימֵי אֶבְלוֹ, וְהוּא יַחֲזֹר גַם כֵּן וְיַאֲכִילֶנּוּ בִּימֵי אֶבְלוֹ, וּבִלְבַד שֶׁלֹּא יַתְנוּ בִּתְחִלָה.
1 A mourner is forbidden to eat of his own at the first meal [after burial], but at the second [meal] he is permitted [to eat of his own] even on the first day [of mourning]. A religious duty rests upon his neighbours to provide food for him of their own in order that he should not eat of his own. One may provide food for another person during the latter's mourning and the latter may in turn provide food for the former during his mourning, provided they do not make such a stipulation at the outset.
ב אִשָּׁה שֶׁאֵרְעָהּ אֵבֶל, אֵין לַאֲנָשִׁים לְהַבְרוֹתָהּ; אֲבָל נָשִׁים מַבְרִין אוֹתָהּ. וְאִשָּׁה נְשׂוּאָה שֶׁאֵרְעָהּ אֵבֶל, אֵינָהּ יְכוֹלָה לֶאֱכֹל סְעֻדָּה רִאשׁוֹנָה מִשֶּׁל בַּעֲלָהּ. וְכֵן מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ סוֹפֵר אוֹ שָׂכִיר, אִם אוֹכֵל בִּשְׂכָרוֹ וְאֵרְעוֹ אֵבֶל, לֹא יֹאכַל סְעֻדָּה רִאשׁוֹנָה מִשֶּׁל בַּעַל הַבַּיִת. אֲבָל מִי שֶׁזָּן עָנִי אוֹ יָתוֹם אוֹ לִבְנוֹ וּבִתּוֹ, בְּלֹא תְּנַאי, וְאֶרְעָם אֵבֶל, יְכוֹלִים לֶאֱכֹל סְעֻדָּה רִאשׁוֹנָה מִשֶּׁל בַּעַל הַבַּיִת.
2 If mourning befell a woman, men should not provide the mourner's meal for her, but women should provide her with the mourner's meal. If mourning befell a married woman, she may not eat the first meal [after burial] of her husband. So too, one who has [in his employment] a scribe or a hired man, if [each of them] receives meals as his payment, and mourning befell him, he should not eat the first meal of his employer. But one who feeds a poor person or an orphan [because it is a meritorious act] or his son and daughter without any stipulation, and mourning befell them, — [the law is that] they may eat the first meal of the master of the house.
ג אִם רָצָה הָאָבֵל שֶׁלֹּא לֶאֱכֹל בַּיּוֹם הָרִאשׁוֹן, מֻתָּר לֶאֱכֹל מִשֶּׁלוֹ אֲפִלוּ סְעֻדָּה רִאשׁוֹנָה. הַגָּה: וְכֵן אִם לֹא הִבְרוּהוּ בְּיוֹם רִאשׁוֹן שֶׁנִּמְשַׁךְ עַד הַלַּיְלָה, מֻתָּר לֶאֱכֹל בַּלַּיְלָה מִשֶּׁלּוֹ, וְאֵין צָרִיךְ הַבְרָאָה (טוּר בְּשֵׁם רֹב הַפּוֹסְקִים).
3 If the mourner desires not to eat on the first day, he may eat of his own even the first meal. Rema: So too, if he was not provided with the mourner's meal on the first day until the night, he is permitted to eat at night of his own and he is not required to be provided with the mourner's meal.
ד הָיוּ נוֹהֲגִים לְהִתְעַנּוֹת בְּיוֹם מִיתַת הַחֲכָמִים.
4 It was customary to fast on the day of the death of scholars.
ה מִי שֶׁנִּקְבַּר בְּעֶרֶב שַׁבָּת סָמוּךְ לַחֲשֵׁכָה קֹדֶם בֵּין הַשְּׁמָשׁוֹת, יֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר שֶׁמַּבְרִין אוֹתוֹ אָז; וְלִי נִרְאֶה דְּכֵיוָן שֶׁאֵינוֹ חוֹבָה טוֹב שֶׁלֹּא לְהַבְרוֹתוֹ אָז, מִפְּנֵי כְּבוֹד הַשַּׁבָּת, וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִין.
5 [In the case of] one who was buried on the eve of the Sabbath close to nightfall prior to twilight, there is an authority who says that he should be provided then with the mourner's meal. But it seems to me that since this is not obligatory, it is better not to provide him then with the mourner's meal on account of the honour due to the Sabbath. And thus is the accepted custom.
ו אֵין מַבְרִין עַל הַקָטָן אֶלָא אִם כֵּן הוּא בֶּן שְׁלשִׁים יוֹם שְׁלֵמִים, אוֹ קִים לֵהּ בֵּהּ שֶׁכָּלוּ לוֹ חֳדָשָׁיו.
6 The mourner's meal is not provided for [one whose] infant child died, unless it was thirty complete days old, or one knows for certain that its months [of pregnancy] were complete.
ז מַרְבִּיצִין וּמְכַבְּדִין בְּבֵית הָאָבֵל, וּמְדִיחִין קְעָרוֹת, כּוֹסוֹת וּצְלוֹחִיּוֹת וְקִיתוֹנוֹת, וְאֵין מְבִיאִין שָׁם לֹא בְּשָׂמִים וְלֹא מֻגְמָר, אֲבָל מְבִיאִים אוֹתָם בַּבַּיִת שֶׁהַמֵּת שָׁם וְאֵין מְבָרְכִים עֲלֵיהֶם; וְאֵין אוֹמְרִים שְׁמוּעָה וְאַגָדָה בְּבֵית הָאָבֵל, אֶלָא יוֹשְׁבִין וְדוֹמְמִים.
7 One may sprinkle or sweep [the floors] in the house of mourning and wash dishes, cups, flasks and drinking vessels. However, one does not bring therein perfumes or spices, but he may bring them into a house wherein the corpse lies, and one does not recite a benediction over them. One does not expound legal matters or homiletical interpretations in the house of mourning, but one sits and is silent.
ח כֵּיוָן שֶׁנִּקְבַּר הַמֵּת, מֻתָּר לֶאֱכֹל בָּשָׂר וְלִשְׁתּוֹת יַיִן מְעַט בְּתוֹךְ הַסְעֻדָּה, כְּדֵי לִשְׁרוֹת אֲכִילָה שֶׁבְּמֵעָיו אֲבָל לֹא לִרְווֹת.
8 As soon as the corpse is buried, he may eat meat and drink some wine during the meal in order to dissolve the food in his bowels, but [he must] not drink to the full.
ט מָקוֹם שֶׁנָּהֲגוּ לְהַבְרוֹת בְּבָשָׂר וְיַיִן וּמִינֵי מַטְעַמִּים עוֹשִׂים; וּמַבְרִין תְּחִלָה בְּבֵיצִים אוֹ בְּתַבְשִׁיל שֶׁל עֲדָשִׁים, זֵכֶר לַאֲבֵלוּת, וְאַחַר כָּךְ אוֹכְלִים כָּל צָרְכָּם.
9 [In] a locality where it is the adopted custom to provide the mourner's meal with meat, wine and savoury dishes, they do so. [However], at first they provide the mourner's meal with eggs or a dish of lentils as a symbol of mourning, and then they eat their sufficient requirement.
י אֵין לֶאֱכֹל עִם הָאָבֵל כָּל כָּךְ בְּנֵי אָדָם שֶׁיִּתְחַלְקוּ לִשְׁנֵי מְקוֹמוֹת.
10 A great number of people should not [assemble] to eat with the mourner, for this would necessitate that they separate themselves to two different places.
יא הֵיכָא שֶׁצָּרִיךְ לִמְנוֹת שִׁבְעָה אַחַר הָרֶגֶל, וְכֵן אִם שָׁמַע שְׁמוּעָה בְּשַׁבָּת, צָרִיךְ לְהַבְרוֹתוֹ הַבְרָאָה רִאשׁוֹנָה שֶׁבִּימֵי אֲבֵלוּת. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁכֵּיוָן שֶׁנִּדְחָה יוֹם רִאשׁוֹן אֵין מַבְרִין אוֹתוֹ, וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִים (בְּמָרְדְּכַי במ"ק בְּשֵׁם י"א ונ"י), וַאֲפִלּוּ הֵיכָא דְּעוֹלֶה לוֹ לְמִנְיַן ז' כְּגוֹן בִּמְקוֹמוֹת שֶׁעוֹשִׂין שְׁנֵי יָמִים, שֶׁשֵּׁנִי עוֹלֶה.
11 Where one is required to count seven [days of mourning] after the Festival, and so too, if one heard [near] tidings on the Sabbath, the first mourner's meal which is partaken of during the days of mourning must be provided [by others]. However, some say that since the first day [ of mourning ] was postponed, the mourner's meal is not provided [ by others ]. And thus is the common practice, even where the [ first day ] enters into the counting of the seven [ days of mourning ], e.g., in localities where two [ Festival ] days are observed, [ in which case ] the second [ Festival ] day is counted [ in the seven days of mourning ].
יב אֵין מַבְרִין עַל שְׁמוּעָה רְחוֹקָה.
12 The mourner's meal is not provided in the case of distant tidings.
יג פָּרֵיס (פֵּרוּשׁ בּוֹצֵעַ לֶחֶם לְבָרֵךְ הַמּוֹצִיא) מְנַחֵם גָדוֹל דִּבְּהוֹן, וּבְשַׁבָּת פָּרֵיס כְּאוֹרְחֵיהּ.
13 The distinguished comforter among them breaks bread, i.e., breaks bread to recite the blessing before the meal, and on the Sabbath he breaks bread in his usual manner.