Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah Siman 383

Siman 383

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א אָבֵל אָסוּר בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה, אֲבָל בִּשְׁאָר דְּבַר קֻרְבָה מֻתָּר, אֲפִלוּ בִּמְזִיגַת הַכּוֹס וְהַצָּעַת הַמִּטָּה וְהַרְחָצַת פָּנָיו יָדָיו וְרַגְלָיו, בֵּין בַּאֲבֵלוּת דִּידֵהּ בֵּין בַּאֲבֵלוּת דִּידָהּ. אֲבָל חִבּוּק וְנִשּׁוּק יֵשׁ לְהַחְמִיר (רַבֵּנוּ יְרוּחָם). וּמֻתֶּרֶת לֶאֱכֹל עִמּוֹ בִּקְעָרָה. וּמֻתֶּרֶת לִישַׁן עִמּוֹ הוּא בְּבִגְדּוֹ וְהִיא בְּבִגְדָּהּ; וּמִיהוּ מִשּׁוּם לֵךְ לֵךְ אַמְרִינָן נְזִירָא יֵשׁ לְהַחְמִיר שֶׁלֹּא יִישַׁן (עִמָּהּ) בְּמִטָּה כְּלָל.
1 A mourner is forbidden marital intercourse, but any other type of contact is permissible, [namely], even the mixing of the cup [for him], making the bed [for him] and washing his face, hands or feet, [irrespective] whether it is his mourning or her mourning [that is being observed]. However with regard to embracing and kissing one should adopt a stringent view. She is permitted to eat with him from the same dish, and she is [also] permitted to sleep with him, [provided] he [is] in his garment and she [is] in her garment. However, since we say, 'take a roundabout route, O, Nazirite, [and do not come near the vineyard'], one should adopt a stringent view, so that he should not sleep [with her] in the [same] bed at all.
ב בַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, בִּשְׁאָר אֲבֵלוּת; אֲבָל אִם מֵת אָבִיו שֶׁל חָתָן אוֹ אִמָּהּ שֶׁל כַּלָה, שֶׁמַּכְנִיסִין אֶת הַמֵּת לַחֶדֶר וְאֶת הֶחָתָן וְאֶת הַכַּלָה לַחֻפָּה, וּבוֹעֵל בְּעִילַת מִצְוָה וּפוֹרֵשׁ וְנוֹהֲגִים ז' יְמֵי הַמִּשְׁתֶּה, וְאַחַר כָּךְ שִׁבְעַת יְמֵי אֲבֵלוּת, אָסוּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ כָּל י"ד יוֹם, אֶלָא הוּא יָשֵׁן בֵּין הָאֲנָשִׁים וְהִיא יְשֵׁנָה בֵּין הַנָּשִׁים, כִּדְאִיתָא בְּסִימָן שמ"ב. אֲבָל אִם כָּנַס לַחֻפָּה וְהִתְחִילוּ יְמֵי הַמִּשְׁתֶּה שֶׁלוֹ, וְאַחַר כָּךְ מֵת לוֹ מֵת, מֻתָּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ כְּמוֹ בִּשְׁאָר אֲבֵלוּת, וְהוּא שֶׁבָּעַל; אֲבָל אִם לֹא בָּעַל, אָסוּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ כָּל יְמֵי הָאֵבֶל, בֵּין בְּחֹל בֵּין בְּשַׁבָּת.
2 The [above ruling] applies only with respect to [all] other [cases] of mourning, but if the father of the bridegroom died, or the mother of the bride, [in which case], they bring the corpse into a room, and the bridegroom and the bride into a bridal chamber, and he performs the dutiful marital act, and [then] separates [himself from her], and they observe [first] the seven days of the [wedding-] feast and after that [they observe] the seven days of mourning,—[the law is that] he is forbidden to be alone with her throughout the fourteen days, [and] he sleeps only among the men and she sleeps among the women as is stated in § 34 But if he [already] married her and the days of the [wedding-] feast had begun, and subsequently he suffered a bereavement, he is permitted to be alone with her as in [all] the other [cases] of mourning, provided he had cohabited with her; however, if he had not cohabited with her, he is forbidden to be alone with her throughout the days of mourning, whether on a weekday or on a Sabbath.