Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah Siman 391

Siman 391

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א אָבֵל אָסוּר בְּשִׂמְחָה; לְפִיכָךְ לֹא יִקַח תִּינוֹק בְּחֵיקוֹ כָּל שִׁבְעָה, שֶׁמָּא יָבֹא לִידֵי שְׂחוֹק.

1 A mourner is forbidden joyous entertainment. Therefore, he should not take an infant in his arms, lest he be amused [thereby].

ב עַל כָּל מֵתִים נִכְנָס לְבֵית הַמִּשְׁתֶּה לְאַחַר שְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם; עַל אָבִיו וְעַל אִמּוֹ, לְאַחַר י"ב חֹדֶשׁ. וְאַף אִם הַשָּׁנָה מְעֻבֶּרֶת, מֻתָּר לְאַחַר י"ב חֹדֶשׁ. וּמִיהוּ שִׂמְחַת מְרֵעוּת שֶׁהָיָה חַיָּב לִפְרֹעַ אוֹתָהּ מִיָּד, מֻתָּר לַעֲשׂוֹתָהּ מִיָּד אַחַר שִׁבְעָה. אֲבָל אִם אֵינוֹ חַיָּב לְפָרְעָהּ, אָסוּר לִכָּנֵס לָהּ עַד ל'. וְעַל אָבִיו וְעַל אִמּוֹ, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁחַיָּב לְפָרְעָהּ, אָסוּר עַד לְאַחַר י"ב חֹדֶשׁ. הַגָּה: וּבַחֲבוּרַת מִצְוָה, כְּגוֹן שֶׁמַּשִּׂיא יָתוֹם וִיתוֹמָה לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, וְאִם לֹא יֹאכַל שָׁם יִתְבַּטֵּל הַמַּעֲשֶׂה, מֻתָּר לְאַחַר ל', אֲבָל תּוֹךְ ל' אָסוּר לְכָל סְעֻדַּת מִצְוָה שֶׁבָּעוֹלָם (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרַאֲבַ"ד). אֲבָל סְעֻדַּת מִצְוָה דְּלֵית בֵּיהּ שִׂמְחָה, מֻתָּר לִכָּנֵס בָּהּ, כְּגוֹן פִּדְיוֹן הַבֵּן אוֹ סְעֻדַּת בְּרִית מִילָה, מֻתָּר לֶאֱכֹל שָׁם אֲפִלּוּ תּוֹךְ שִׁבְעָה, וּבִלְבַד שֶׁלֹּא יֵצֵא מִפֶּתַח בֵּיתוֹ (ת"ה סִי' רנ"א). וְיֵשׁ אוֹסְרִין בִּסְעֻדַּת בְּרִית מִילָה (מָרְדְּכַי). וְהַמִּנְהָג שֶׁלֹּא לֶאֱכֹל בְּשׁוּם סְעֻדָּה בָּעוֹלָם כָּל י"ב חֹדֶשׁ, אִם הוּא חוּץ לְבֵיתוֹ, וּבְתוֹךְ הַבַּיִת מְקִלִּין שֶׁאוֹכֵל בְּבֵיתוֹ בִּסְעֻדַּת בְּרִית מִילָה, וְכָל שֶׁכֵּן בִּשְׁאָר סְעֻדּוֹת שֶׁאֵין בָּהֶם שִׂמְחָה. אֲבָל בִּסְעֻדַּת נִשּׂוּאִין יֵשׁ לְהַחְמִיר, כֵּן נִרְאֶה לִי. אָבֵל שֶׁהוּא בַּעַל בְּרִית אוֹ מוֹהֵל, יִלְבַּשׁ בִּגְדֵי שַׁבָּת עַד לְאַחַר הַמִּילָה. וּמֻתָּר לִכָּנֵס לַמִּילָה לֶאֱכֹל שָׁם, אִם הוּא לְאַחַר ל', אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵין הַמִּילָה בְּבֵיתוֹ (בֵּית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם תְּשׁוּבַת מהרי"ל).

2 [One in mourning] for all [other] dead may enter a house of feasting after thirty days; for his father and mother [not] until after twelve months [of mourning]. And even if the year is a leap year, he is permitted [to enter a house of feasting] after twelve months. However, [in the case of] a joyous entertainment of companions, which he [the mourner] is obliged to reciprocate forthwith, he is permitted to hold it immediately after the seven days; but if he is not obliged to reciprocate it, he is forbidden to enter [the place of such entertainment] until thirty days; and [one in mourning] for his father or mother, even if he is obliged to reciprocate it, he is forbidden until after twelve months. Rema: And in [ the case of ] a group [ gathered ] for a religious purpose, e.g., one [ a mourner ] who gives away in marriage a male or female orphan [ thus performing a religious act ] for the sake of heaven, and should he not eat there, [ his meritorious ] act might become suspended, — [ the law is that ] he is permitted [ to join in the festivities ] after thirty [ days ]; but within the thirty [ days of mourning ], he is forbidden [ to join ] in any feast whatsoever that is connected with a religious deed. However, he may enter [ to join in ] a feast that is connected with a religious act that has no joyous entertainment, e.g., the redemption of the [ firstborn ] son, or a feast of circumcision, [ in which case ] he is permitted to eat there, even during the seven [ days of mourning ], provided he does not leave the door of his house; but there are some who prohibit [ this ] in [ the case of ] a feast of circumcision. The accepted practice, however, is, not to eat at any feast whatsoever, for the entire twelve months [ of mourning ], — if it is outside of his home; and in his home we adopt the lenient view, [ viz.,] that he may eat in his home at a feast of circumcision, and much more so at other feasts that have no joyous entertainment; but in [ the case of ] a marriage-feast the stringent view should be adopted. Thus seems to me [ to be the correct view ]. A mourner who is a Sandek or a Mohel may wear Sabbath garments until after the circumcision, and he is permitted to enter a circumcision ceremony [ and ] to eat there, if it is after the thirty [ days of mourning ], although the circumcision does not [ take place ] in his home.

ג לִכָּנֵס לַחֻפָּה שֶׁלֹּא בִּשְׁעַת אֲכִילָה, לִשְׁמֹעַ הַבְּרָכוֹת, יֵשׁ מַתִּירִין וְיֵשׁ אוֹסְרִין; אֶלָא עוֹמֵד חוּץ לַבַּיִת לִשְׁמֹעַ הַבְּרָכוֹת. הַגָּה: אָבֵל לֹא יִכָּנֵס לַבַּיִת כְּלָל בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁעוֹמְדִים שָׁם בְּמַזְמוּטֵי חָתָן וְכַלָּה, וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִים בְּאַשְׁכְּנַז (טוּר) וּבִמְדִינוֹת אֵלּוּ. וְכָל זֶה בְּבַיִת שֶׁעוֹשִׂין הַחֲתֻנָּה וְאוֹכְלִין וְשׁוֹתִין וּשְׂמֵחִין שָׁם, אֲבָל בְּחֻפָּה שֶׁעוֹשִׂין בְּבֵית הַכְּנֶסֶת, שֶׁמְּבָרְכִין שָׁם בִּרְכַּת אֵרוּסִין וְנִשּׂוּאִין וְאֵין שִׂמְחָה כְּלָל, מֻתָּר מִיָּד אַחַר שִׁבְעָה (הַגָּהוֹת מַיְמוֹנִי). וְיֵשׁ אוֹסְרִין עַד שְׁלֹשִׁים (שָׁם בְּשֵׁם ראבי"ה), וְכֵן נִרְאֶה לִי. וְיֵשׁ מְקוֹמוֹת שֶׁמַּחְמִירִין לִהְיוֹת הָאָבֵל עוֹמֵד כָּל י"ב חֹדֶשׁ חוּץ לְבֵית הַכְּנֶסֶת לִשְׁמֹעַ הַבְּרָכוֹת (הַגָּהוֹת במהרי"ל). וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם נִרְאֶה דְּאָבֵל יָכוֹל לְבָרֵךְ בִּרְכַּת אֵרוּסִין וְנִשּׂוּאִין תַּחַת הַחֻפָּה שֶׁבְּבֵית הַכְּנֶסֶת. וְכֵן יוּכַל לְהַכְנִיס חָתָן כְּדֶרֶךְ אַרְצֵנוּ שֶׁשְּׁנֵי אֲנָשִׁים מַכְנִיסִין הֶחָתָן תַּחַת הַחֻפָּה. וְיוּכַל לִלְבֹּשׁ קְצָת בִּגְדֵי שַׁבָּת בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁמַּכְנִיסִין, וּבִלְבַד שֶׁיְּהֵא אַחַר ל' (ד"ע), וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִין. יֵשׁ מַתִּירִין לְאָבֵל לֶאֱכֹל בִּסְעֻדַּת נִשּׂוּאִין אוֹ בְּרִית מִילָה עִם הַמְּשַׁמְּשִׁין, וּבִלְבַד שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא בִּמְקוֹם שִׂמְחָה כְּגוֹן בְּבַיִת אַחֵר (כָּל בּוֹ וּבֵית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם סמ"ק), וְיֵשׁ אוֹסְרִין (הַגָּהוֹת אֲשֵׁרִי), וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִין, רַק שֶׁהָאָבֵל מְשַׁמֵּשׁ שָׁם, אִם יִרְצֶה, וְאוֹכֵל בְּבֵיתוֹ מִמַּה שֶּׁשּׁוֹלְחִין לוֹ מִן הַסְּעֻדָּה. יֵשׁ מַתִּירִין לְאָבֵל לֶאֱכֹל בְּאוֹתָהּ סְעֻדָּה שֶׁל דָּגִים שֶׁעוֹשִׂים לְאַחַר הַנִּשּׂוּאִין, כִּי מֵאַחַר שֶׁכְּבָר פָּסְקוּ לוֹמַר שֶׁהַשִּׂמְחָה בִּמְעוֹנוֹ אִית לֵיהּ הֶכֵּר שֶׁאֵין שִׂמְחָה בְּאוֹתָהּ סְעֻדָּה, וְשָׁרֵי (בֵּית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם רוֹקֵחַ). יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאָסוּר לֶאֱכֹל בִּסְעֻדָּה בַּלַּיְלָה שֶׁבְּיוֹם הַמָּחֳרָת מֵת אָבִיו אוֹ אִמּוֹ (בְּהַגָּהוֹת מִנְהָגִים בְּשֵׁם מהרי"ו).

3 [With respect] to [a mourner] entering [a place wherein] a marriage ceremony [is held], [i.e.,] not at the time that the wedding-meal is served, [but only] to hear the benedictions [recited under the canopy], — some permit, and others prohibit, [unless] he remains only outside the building [wherein the marriage ceremony is held] in order to hear the benedictions. Rema: But he should not enter the building at all at the time that [ people who conduct ] the musical entertainment for the groom and bride, are present therein. And this is the common practice in Germany and in these countries. However, all this [ refers to ] the house wherein the wedding [ -feast ] is held, [ viz., to the place ] wherein they eat, drink and make merry, but as to [ the wedding ceremony under ] the canopy which is held in the Synagogue, where they recite the betrothal and marriage benedictions, and where there is no joyous entertainment at all, it is permissible [ to enter therein ] immediately after the seven [ days of mourning ], and some prohibit until thirty [ days ], and thus seems to me [ to be the correct view ]. There are some localities where a stringent view is adopted for the mourner to remain during the entire twelve months outside the Synagogue [ with respect ] to hearing the benedictions. Nevertheless, it seems [ to me ] that a mourner may recite the benedictions of betrothal and marriage under the canopy in the synaagogue, and he may likewise lead a groom [ to the canopy ] in accordance with the usage of our country that two persons lead the groom under the canopy, and he [ the mourner ] may wear some of [ his ] Sabbath garments at the time that they lead [ the groom under the canopy ], provided it is after thirty [ days of mourning ]. And thus is the common practice. Some permit a mourner to eat at a wedding banquet or a circumcision with those who wait upon [ the guests ], provided it is not in a place of joyous entertainment, e.g., [ where ] he is in another room; and some prohibit [ this ]; and thus is the accepted practice, only that the mourner waits upon [ the guests ] there, if he so desires, but eats in his house of whatever [ food ] they send to him from the [ wedding -] meal. Some permit a mourner to eat of the fishmeal which is [ usually ] prepared after the marriage, for after they have already ceased to say, 'in whose dwelling there is joy,' there is a distinct indication that there is no joyous entertainment at that meal, and [ consequently ] he is permitted [ to be present there ]. Some say that one is forbidden to eat at a feast, on the night of which the following day is the death [ anniversary ] of one's father or mother.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter