Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah Siman 393

Siman 393

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א אָבֵל, ג' יָמִים הָרִאשׁוֹנִים אֵינוֹ יוֹצֵא לְבֵית הָאָבֵל וְלֹא לְבֵית הַקְבָרוֹת; מִכָּאן וָאֵילָךְ, אִם מֵת לַאֲחֵרִים מֵת בִּשְׁכוּנָתוֹ, יוֹצֵא אַחַר הַמִּטָּה לְבֵית הַקְבָרוֹת, וְאֵינוֹ יוֹשֵׁב בִּמְקוֹם הַמְנַחֲמִים אֶלָא בִּמְקוֹם הַמִּתְנַחֲמִים; וְאִם אֵין שָׁם כְּדֵי מִטָּה וְקוֹבְרֶיהָ, יוֹצֵא אֲפִלוּ בְּיוֹם רִאשׁוֹן וַאֲפִלוּ בִּשְׁכוּנָה אַחֶרֶת. הַגָּה: וּמִקְצָת יוֹם ג' הֲרֵי הוּא כְּכֻלּוֹ (הַגָּהוֹת מַיְמוֹנִי פ"ז). וְלֹא רָאִיתִי נוֹהֲגִין כֵּן עַכְשָׁו, כִּי אֵין אָבֵל הוֹלֵךְ לְבֵית הַקְּבָרוֹת וְלֹא לְבֵית הָאָבֵל כָּל שִׁבְעָה; וְאֶפְשָׁר שֶׁלָּאו חִיּוּב הוּא, אֶלָּא רְשׁוּת, וּמֵאַחַר שֶׁעַכְשָׁו אֵין מִתְנַחֲמִין כְּמוֹ בִּימֵיהֶם, שֵׁב וְאַל תַּעֲשֶׂה עָדִיף.

1 A mourner does not go out during the first three days [of mourning] to a house of mourning nor to a cemetery [to attend a funeral]; thereafter, if others suffered a bereavement in his neighbourhood, he goes out after the bier to the cemetery, but does not sit among the comforters, but [rather] among those who are to be comforted. However, if there are not enough [people] there [to carry the bier] and to attend to its burial, he may leave [his house], even on the first day, and even [if this takes place] in another neighbourhood. Rema: And part of the third is regarded as a complete day; but I have not seen this custom practiced now, for the mourner does not go to the cemetery nor to a house of mourning for the entire seven days [ of mourning ], and perhaps this is not obligatory but is only optional, and [ furthermore,] since one is not comforted now as [ was the practice ] in their days, [ consequently ], 'Sit and do nothing' is better.

ב אָבֵל, שָׁבוּעַ הָרִאשׁוֹן אֵינוֹ יוֹצֵא מִפֶּתַח בֵּיתוֹ, וַאֲפִלוּ לִשְׁמֹעַ בִּרְכוֹת חֻפָּה אוֹ בִּרְכוֹת הַמִּילָה. הַגָּה: מִיהוּ הַמֵּקֵל לָצֵאת בַּלַּיְלָה, מִפְּנֵי הַצֹּרֶךְ, לֹא הִפְסִיד (ת"ה סִימָן ר"צ). וְהָא דְּאָסוּר לָצֵאת חוּץ לְבֵיתוֹ, הַיְנוּ דַּוְקָא לְטַיֵּל, אוֹ לְמַשָּׂא וּמַתָּן וְכַדּוֹמֶה, אֲבָל אִם שָׁלַח מוֹשֵׁל אַחֲרָיו (מָרְדְּכַי ה"א) אוֹ שֶׁצָּרִיךְ לֵילֵךְ בַּדֶּרֶךְ אוֹ לִשְׁאָר דְּבָרִים הַצְּרִיכִים לוֹ הַרְבֵּה, כְּגוֹן דָּבָר הָאָבֵד, מֻתָּר לוֹ לָצֵאת (תּוֹסָפוֹת סוֹף מ"ק), וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִין. וְדִין נְעִילַת סַנְדָּלָיו, עַיֵּן לְעֵיל סִימָן שפ"ב. שְׁנִיָּה, יוֹצֵא וְאֵינוֹ יוֹשֵׁב בִּמְקוֹמוֹ וְאֵינוֹ מְדַבֵּר; שְׁלִישִׁית, יוֹשֵׁב בִּמְקוֹמוֹ וְאֵינוֹ מְדַבֵּר. הַגָּה: וְאִם רוֹצֶה שֶׁלֹּא לֵישֵׁב בִּמְקוֹמוֹ בְּשָׁבוּעַ שְׁלִישִׁית וּלְדַבֵּר, הָרְשׁוּת בְּיָדוֹ (הגמי"י). וְעַכְשָׁו נוֹהֲגִין שֶׁאֵין יוֹשְׁבִין בִּמְקוֹמָם כָּל שְׁלֹשִׁים; וְעַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ כָּל י"ב חֹדֶשׁ, וְאֵין לְמִנְהָג זֶה עִקָּר, מִכָּל מָקוֹם אֵין לְשַׁנּוֹת מִן הַמִּנְהָג, כִּי כָּל מָקוֹם לְפִי מִנְהָגוֹ; רְבִיעִית, הֲרֵי הוּא כִּשְׁאָר כָּל אָדָם. אֲפִלוּ לֹא שָׁלְמוּ שְׁלֹשָׁה שְׁבוּעוֹת, כְּגוֹן שֶׁמֵּת בְּאֶמְצַע שָׁבוּעַ, מִיָּד כְּשֶׁכָּלָה אוֹתוֹ שָׁבוּעַ וּשְׁנַיִם שֶׁאַחֲרָיו, חָשׁוּב שָׁבוּעַ הַבָּא רְבִיעִית.

2 A mourner during the first week [of mourning] does not leave the door of his house, even to hear the benedictions of the marriage ceremony or the benedictions of the circumcision ceremony. Rema: But one who adopts a lenient view, [ viz.,] to go out at night because of necessity, loses nothing; and as to the fact that he is forbidden to leave his house, it applies only to walking about [ at leisure ], or to engage in business or the like, but if a ruler summoned him, or where he must go on the road, or for other pressing matters that require him, e.g., a matter [ which, if postponed ] will entail an irretrievable loss, he is permitted to go out. And thus is the accepted custom. As to the law with respect to wearing shoes, v. supra § 38 The second week [of mourning] he goes out but does not sit in his [customary] place [in the Synagogue], nor does he engage in conversation. The third week [of mourning] he may sit in his place but does not engage in conversation. Rema: However, if he desires not to sit in his [ customary ] place during the third week [ of mourning ], but [ he desires ] to engage in conversation, he has the right to do so. And now the accepted practice is that one does not sit in one's [ customary ] place [ in the Synagogue ] for the entire thirty days [ of mourning ], and [ one in mourning ] for his father and mother, — for the entire twelve months [ of mourning ]. However, this custom has no fundamental basis. Yet, one should not change from the accepted practice, — for every locality [ should act ] in accordance with its adopted custom. The fourth week [of mourning] he is like any other person, even if the first three weeks [of mourning] were not complete, e.g., [in a case] where the person died in the middle of the week, — [the law is that] as soon as that week and two [more] weeks following it, ended, the next week is considered the fourth.

ג הָאָבֵל אֵינוֹ יוֹצֵא בַּחֹל לְבֵית הַכְּנֶסֶת, אֲבָל בְּשַׁבָּת יוֹצֵא. וְכֵן לְבֵית הַמִּדְרָשׁ (בֵּיתיוֹסֵף). וְאָנוּ נוֹהֲגִים שֶׁבְּכָל יוֹם קְרִיאַת הַתּוֹרָה יוֹצֵא לב"ה. הַגָּה: וּבִמְדִינוֹת אֵלּוּ נוֹהֲגִין שֶׁאֵין יוֹצֵא אֶלָּא בְּשַׁבָּת. וְאִם הָאָבֵל מוֹהֵל אוֹ בַּעַל בְּרִית, לְאַחַר שְׁלֹשָׁה, מִתְפַּלֵּל בְּבֵיתוֹ, וּכְשֶׁמְּבִיאִין הַתִּינוֹק לָמוּל, הוֹלֵךְ הָאָבֵל לְבֵית הַכְּנֶסֶת (הַגָּהוֹת אֲשֵׁרִי). אֲבָל, תּוֹךְ שְׁלֹשָׁה, לֹא יֵצֵא אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן אֵין מוֹהֵל אַחֵר בָּעִיר (אוֹר זָרוּעַ); וְיֵשׁ מְקִלִּין אֲפִלּוּ תּוֹךְ שְׁלֹשָׁה, אֲפִלּוּ אִם יֵשׁ מוֹהֵל אַחֵר בָּעִיר (בֵּית יוֹסֵף); וּמֻתָּר לוֹ לְתַקֵּן הַצִּפָּרְנַיִם וּלְגַלֵּחַ לְצֹרֶךְ הַמִּילָה, אֲבָל אִם יֵשׁ מוֹהֵל אַחֵר אָסוּר (סְבָרַת הָרַב דְּלֹא כְּאוֹר זָרוּעַ דְּמַתִּיר סְתָם). וְכֵן כָּל דְּבַר מִצְוָה שֶׁאִי אֶפְשָׁר לַעֲשׂוֹת בְּלֹא הָאָבֵל, מֻתָּר לוֹ לָצֵאת לְקַיֵּם הַמִּצְוָה (סְבָרַת הָרַב וּבֵית יוֹסֵף).

3 The mourner does not go out on a weekday to the Synagogue, but on the Sabbath he may go out, and thus also to the House of Study, — and we adopt the practice that on every day [of the week] when the Torah is read, he goes to the Synagogue. Rema: However, in these countries, it is the accepted practice that he goes out [ to the Synagogue ] only on the Sabbath. If the mourner is a Mohel or a Sandek, — [ if ] after three [ days of mourning have passed, — the law is that ] he should [ still ] recite his prayers at home, and when the infant is brought [ to the Synagogue ] to be circumcised, the mourner may [ then ] go to the Synagogue; but within the three [ days of mourning ], he should not go, unless there is no other Mohel [ available ] in the city. Some adopt a lenient view even during the three [ days of mourning ], even if there is another Mohel [ available ] in the city. He is permitted to prepare his nails and to cut [ them ], [ a matter which is ] required [ to be done ] on account of the circumsicion, but if there is another Mohel, [ available ], it is forbidden [ to do this ]. Likewise, [ in the case of ] every matter connected with a religious duty that cannot be performed without the mourner, he is permitted to go out in order to perform the religious duty.

ד הַנּוֹהֲגִים כְּשֶׁהֵם אֲבֵלִים שֶׁלֹּא לְשַׁנּוֹת מְקוֹמָם בְּבֵית הַכְּנֶסֶת בְּשַׁבָּת, יָפֶה הֵם עוֹשִׂים. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁגַּם בְּשַׁבָּת יְשַׁנֶּה מְקוֹמוֹ (נִמּוּקֵי יוֹסֵף סוֹף פֶּרֶק הַמּוֹכֵר פֵּרוֹת), וְכֵן הַמִּנְהָג פָּשׁוּט, וְאֵין לְשַׁנּוֹת הַמִּנְהָג.

4 Those who adopt the practice when they are mourners not to change their [customary] place in the Synagogue on the Sabbath, are correct in doing so. Rema: Some say that on the Sabbath he should also change his [ customary ] place, and thus is the common practice, and one should not alter [ this ] custom.

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