Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah Siman 402

Siman 402

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א מִי שֶׁבָּאָה לוֹ שְׁמוּעָה שֶׁמֵּת לוֹ קָרוֹב, אִם בְּתוֹךְ ל' יוֹם הִגִיעָה הַשְּׁמוּעָה, אֲפִלוּ יוֹם ל' עַצְמוֹ, הֲרֵי זוֹ שְׁמוּעָה קְרוֹבָה וְחַיָּב לִנְהֹג שִׁבְעָה יְמֵי אֲבֵלוּת מִיּוֹם שֶׁהִגִיעַ הַשְּׁמוּעָה; וְקוֹרֵעַ וּמוֹנֶה ל' יוֹם מִיּוֹם הַשְּׁמוּעָה (כָּךְ מַשְׁמָע מֵהַרַמְבַּ"ם וּמִנִּמּוּקֵי יוֹסֵף פא"מ וּבְמָרְדְּכַי) לְתִסְפֹּרֶת עִם שְׁאָר דְּבָרִים. כְּלָלוֹ שֶׁל דָּבָר, יוֹם שְׁמוּעָתוֹ הַקְרוֹבָה כְּיוֹם הַקְבוּרָה. וְאִם שָׁמַע מִיּוֹם ל' וָאֵילָךְ, אֵין צָרִיךְ לִנְהֹג אֶלָא שָׁעָה אַחַת, לֹא שְׁנָא שָׁמַע בַּיּוֹם לֹא שְׁנָא שָׁמַע בַּלַיְלָה, שֶׁאִם שָׁמַע בַּלַיְלָה וְנָהַג מִקְצָת אֲבֵלוּת בַּלַיְלָה שָׁעָה אַחַת, עוֹלֶה לוֹ; וַאֲפִלוּ שָׁמַע עַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ. וְהָנֵי מִלֵי לְעִנְיַן גְזֵרַת שִׁבְעָה, אֲבָל לְעִנְיַן גְזֵרַת שְׁלֹשִׁים, נוֹהֵג עַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ בְּתִסְפֹּרֶת עַד שֶׁיִּגְעֲרוּ בּוֹ חֲבֵרָיו, וּבְגִהוּץ עַד שֶׁיַּגִיעַ הָרֶגֶל וְיִגְעֲרוּ בּוֹ, וְכֵן בִּשְׁאֵלַת שָׁלוֹם וְלִכָּנֵס לְבֵית הַמִּשְׁתֶּה; וּמוֹנֶה מִיּוֹם מִיתָה וְלֹא מִיּוֹם שְׁמוּעָה. לְפִיכָךְ אִם בָּאָה לוֹ שְׁמוּעָה עַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ לְאַחַר י"ב חֹדֶשׁ, אֵינוֹ נוֹהֵג אֶלָא יוֹם אֶחָד אַף בִּגְזֵרַת ל'.
1 One to whom a report came that he suffered the loss of a near-of-kin [for whom one is dutibound to observe mourning rites], — if the report reached him within thirty days [after burial], even [if he received it] on the thirtieth day proper, it is considered near tidings and he is dutibound to observe seven days of mourning from the day that the [death] report reached him, and he rends [garments] and counts thirty days from the day the report [ is received ] with respect to [the prohibition against] hair-cutting [and] with [regard to] other matters [which obtain in the case of other dead. The general principle of the matter is [that] the day of his [receiving] near tidings [is regarded] as the day of burial. However, if he received the report after the thirtieth day and onward, — he is required to observe [mourning rites] only for one hour, [and] there is no difference whether he received the [death] report during the day or during the night, [for even] if he received the [death] report at night and observed some mourning rites at night for one hour, it counts for him [as valid]; and even if he received a report [of distant tidings] about [the death of] his father and/or mother [the same principle obtains]. And this, — [viz., that even in the case of receiving distant tidings about the death of one's parents, one hour of mourning suffices], applies only with respect to the restrictions of the seven [days of mourning which fall away in the case of distant tidings], but as to the restrictions of the thirty [which apply in the case of other dead], — he observes [in the case of receiving distant tidings] about [the death of] his father and/or mother the [prohibition against] hair-cutting until his friends rebuke him, and with respect to laundry work, — until the Festival arrives and they rebuke him, and likewise, with respect to extending a greeting of peace or entering a house of feasting. However, [in the aforementioned restrictions], he counts from the day of death and not from the day that the [death] report [is received]. Therefore, if a report reached him about [the death of] his father and/or mother after twelve months [from the day of death], he observes only one day of mourning [and] even with respect to the restrictions of the thirty [days in the case of other dead the same principle applies].
ב הַשּׁוֹמֵעַ שְׁמוּעָה רְחוֹקָה, אֵין צָרִיךְ לִנְהֹג כָּל דִּין אֲבֵלוּת, אֶלָא דַּיּוֹ בַּחֲלִיצַת מִנְעָל, וְאֵין צָרִיךְ לֹא עֲטִיפָה וְלֹא כְּפִיַּת הַמִּטָּה, וּמֻתָּר בִּמְלָאכָה, רְחִיצָה וְסִיכָה וְתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה וּבְתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה, וְאִם אֵין לוֹ מִנְעָלִים בְּרַגְלָיו צָרִיךְ שֶׁיִּכְפֶה מִטָּתוֹ אוֹ יַעֲטֹף רֹאשׁוֹ, שֶׁצָּרִיךְ שֶׁיַּעֲשֶׂה מַעֲשֶׂה שֶׁנִּכָּר בּוֹ שֶׁעוֹשֶׂה מִשּׁוּם אֲבֵלוּת; וְאִם הָיָה עוֹסֵק בַּתּוֹרָה אוֹ בִּמְלָאכָה, אוֹ שֶׁהָיָה רוֹחֵץ וְסָךְ, וּבָאָה לוֹ שְׁמוּעָה, מַפְסִיק שָׁעָה אַחַת מִשּׁוּם אֲבֵלוּת, וְחוֹזֵר לְמַה שֶּׁבְּיָדוֹ, אֲבָל אִם הָיָה לָבוּשׁ תְּפִלִין, אֵינוֹ צָרִיךְ לְחָלְצָן, וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם אֵינוֹ יוֹצֵא יְדֵי אֲבֵלוּת בְּהֶפְסֵק זֶה, וְצָרִיךְ שֶׁיַּעֲשֶׂה מַעֲשֶׂה שֶׁנִּכָּר שֶׁעוֹשֶׂה מִשּׁוּם אֲבֵלוּת, כְּגוֹן חֲלִיצַת מִנְעָל אוֹ כְּפִיַּת הַמִּטָּה וַעֲטִיפָה; וּמִיהוּ בְּחָדָא סָגֵי.
2 One who hears distant tidings is not required to observe the entire law of mourning rites, but it is sufficient for him to remove [his] shoe[s] and he is not required [to observe in addition] muffling [of the head] or overturning the couch, and he is permitted to work, bathe, annoint himself, use of the conjugal couch and Torah-study. However, if he has no shoes on his feet [at the time the distant tidings are reported to him], he is required to overturn his couch or to muffle his head, for he is required to perform a [positive] act whereby it may be seen that he acts [thus] on account of mourning. If, however, he was engaged in the study of the Torah, or work, or he was bathing or annointing himself, and a [belated death] report came to him, — he interrupts [this] for one hour on account of mourning, and [subsequently] returns to what he was doing. But if he was wearing Tefillin [at the time the distant tidings were received], he is not required to remove them. Yet, he does not discharge his duty of mourning through this [aformentioned] interruption, and is required to perform a [positive] act whereby it may be seen that he acts [thus] on account of mourning, e.g., [by] removing [his] shoes or over-turning the couch and muffling [the head]. However, one [such act] is sufficient.
ג אֵין מַבְרִין עַל שְׁמוּעָה רְחוֹקָה.
3 One does not provide the mourner's meal on account of distant tidings.
ד אֵין קוֹרְעִין עַל שְׁמוּעָה רְחוֹקָה; וְעַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ, קוֹרֵעַ לְעוֹלָם. וּבְמָקוֹם שֶׁאֵין לוֹ לִקְרֹעַ, אָסוּר לְהַחְמִיר עַל עַצְמוֹ וְלִקְרֹעַ (אוֹר זָרוּעַ).
4 [For all other near-of-kin] one does not rend [garments] on account of distant tidings; for one's father and/or mother one always rends [garments], — and in a case where one does not have to rend [ garments ], one is forbidden to place himself under greater stringencies [ than the law requires ] and rend [ garments ].
ה הַשּׁוֹמֵעַ שְׁמוּעָה בְּשַׁבָּת אוֹ בָּרֶגֶל, וּלְמוֹצָאֵי שַׁבָּת וְרֶגֶל נַעֲשֵׂית רְחוֹקָה, אֵינוֹ נוֹהֵג אֶלָא יוֹם אֶחָד, וּבְשַׁבָּת וְרֶגֶל אָסוּר בִּדְבָרִים שֶׁל צִנְעָא.
5 One who received a [death] report on the Sabbath or on a Festival and at the termination of the Sabbath or the Festival it became distant [tidings], observes but one day [of mourning] and on the Sabbath or the Festival day he is forbidden matters pertaining to private [mourning].
ו הַשּׁוֹמֵעַ שְׁמוּעָה רְחוֹקָה בְּשַׁבָּת אוֹ בָּרֶגֶל, אֵינוֹ נוֹהֵג אֲפִלוּ דְּבָרִים שֶׁבְּצִנְעָא, וּלְמוֹצָאֵי שַׁבָּת וְרֶגֶל נוֹהֵג שָׁעָה אַחַת, וְדַיּוֹ.
6 One who received distant tidings on the Sabbath or on a Festival, does not observe even matters pertaining to private [mourning], and at the termination of the Sabbath or the Festival he observes one hour [of mourning] and this is sufficient for him.
ז הַשּׁוֹמֵעַ שְׁמוּעָה קְרוֹבָה בְּשַׁבָּת הַשַּׁבָּת עוֹלָה לוֹ לְיוֹם אֶחָד, וּלְמָחָר קוֹרֵעַ, וַהֲוָה לֵיהּ יוֹם שִׁשִּׁי שְׁבִיעִי לַאֲבֵלוּת.
7 One who received near tidings on the Sabbath, — [the law is that] the Sabbath enters for him [into the counting of] one day [of the seven days of mourning], and the following day he rends [his garments], and the sixth day [after the Sabbath] is considered for him the seventh day of mourning.
ח עֲשָׂרָה יָמִים אַחַר חַג הַסֻכּוֹת שָׁמַע שֶׁמֵּת לוֹ מֵת בְּעֶרֶב הֶחָג, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאִם נִמְנֶה שָׁעָה אַחַת לִפְנֵי הֶחָג ז' וְשִׁבְעַת יְמֵי הֶחָג וְיוֹם שְׁמִינִי עֲצֶרֶת כ"א, וַעֲשָׂרָה יָמִים אֲחֵרִים הֲרֵי ל"א, אֵין לָזֶה דִּין שְׁמוּעָה רְחוֹקָה, אֶלָא דִּין שְׁמוּעָה קְרוֹבָה, שֶׁאֵין הָרֶגֶל עוֹלֶה לְמִי שֶׁלֹּא נָהַג אֲבֵלוּת קֹדֶם לוֹ כְּלָל; וְכָל שֶׁכֵּן לְמִי שֶׁלֹּא הָיָה יוֹדֵעַ שֶׁמֵּת לוֹ מֵת (ר' יְרוּחָם בְּשֵׁם בַּעַל הַמָּאוֹר וְכ"ד הָרַמְבַּ"ן).
8 [If] ten days after the Festival of Sukkoth one received a report that he had suffered a bereavement on the eve of the Festival [of Sukkoth ], — although, if we should count one hour before the [advent of] the Festival [of Sukkoth as equivalent to] seven [days] and the seven days of the Festival [of Sukkoth ] and the day of Shemini Azereth [which in itself counts as seven days, we would have] twenty-one days, and ten more days following, these would be [in all] thirty-one days, — [yet] this [death report] does not have the status of distant tidings, but [rather] of near tidings, since the Festival does not enter [into the counting] for one who did not observe mourning prior to it [the Festival] at all, and much more so for one who knew not that he had suffered a bereavement.
ט שָׁמַע שְׁתֵּי שְׁמוּעוֹת רְחוֹקוֹת בְּיוֹם אֶחָד, אֵינוֹ נוֹהֵג עֲלֵיהֶן אֶלָא יוֹם אֶחָד. הָיוּ קְרוֹבוֹת, אוֹ שֶׁמֵּתוּ לוֹ שְׁנֵי מֵתִים כְּאֶחָד, מוֹנֶה לִשְׁתֵּיהֶם כְּאֶחָד שִׁבְעָה וּשְׁלֹשִׁים. שָׁמַע לְזֶה הַיּוֹם וְלָזֶה לְמָחָר, מוֹנֶה לַשֵּׁנִי מִיּוֹם שְׁמוּעָה, שִׁבְעָה וּשְׁלֹשִׁים.
9 [If] one received two reports of distant tidings on one day, one observes for them only one day [of mourning]. [If] they were [both reports of] near [tidings], or one suffered two bereavements simultaneously, one counts for both at the same time the seven and thirty [days of mourning]. [If] one heard one [report of near tidings] today and the other [on] the following day, one counts for [the first from the first day and] for the second from the day the [death] report [is received] the seven and thirty [days of mourning].
י שָׁמַע שְׁמוּעָה קְרוֹבָה בְּשַׁבָּת עֶרֶב הָרֶגֶל, כֵּיוָן דִּדְבָרִים שֶׁבְּצִנְעָא נוֹהֵג, עוֹלֶה לוֹ אוֹתוֹ שַׁבָּת לִמִנְיַן שִׁבְעָה.
10 One who received near tidings on the Sabbath [that fell on the] eve of the Festival, — [the law is that] since one observes [then] matters pertaining to private [mourning], that Sabbath [day] enters for him into the counting of the seven [days of mourning].
יא מִי שֶׁהִתְפַּלֵל כְּבַר עַרְבִית וַעֲדַיִן יוֹם הוּא, וְשָׁמַע שְׁמוּעָה קְרוֹבָה, מוֹנֶה מִיּוֹם מָחָר, וְאוֹתוֹ יוֹם אֵינוֹ עוֹלֶה לוֹ.
11 One who had already recited the evening Tefillah and it is still day and [then] received near tidings, counts [the days of mourning] from the following day and that [previous] day does not enter for him [into the counting].
יב מִי שֶׁמֵּת לוֹ מֵת וְלא נוֹדַע לוֹ, אֵינוֹ חוֹבָה שֶׁיֹאמְרוּ לוֹ; וַאֲפִלוּ בְּאָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ; וְעַל זֶה נֶאֱמַר: מוֹצִיא דִּבָּה הוּא כְּסִיל (מִשְׁלֵי י, יח) וּמֻתָּר לְהַזְמִינוֹ לִסְעֻדַּת אֵרוּסִין וְנִשּׂוּאִין וְכָל שִׂמְחָה, כֵּיוָן שֶׁאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ. מִיהוּ אִם שׁוֹאֵל עָלָיו, אֵין לוֹ לְשַׁקֵר וְלוֹמַר: חַי הוּא, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: מִדְּבַר שֶׁקֶר תִּרְחָק (שְׁמוֹת כג, ז). הַגָּה: וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם בְּבָנִים זְכָרִים, נָהֲגוּ לְהוֹדִיעַ, כְּדֵי שֶׁיֹּאמְרוּ קַדִּישׁ; אֲבָל בְּבָנוֹת, אֵין מִנְהָג כְּלָל לְהוֹדִיעָם (מהרי"ו סי' י"ג). מִצְוָה לְהִתְעַנּוֹת יוֹם שֶׁמֵּת בּוֹ אָבִיו אוֹ אִמּוֹ (כָּל בּוֹ בְּשֵׁם הר"מ וְעוֹד פּוֹסְקִים), וּמִתְעַנִּין יוֹם הַמִּיתָה וְלֹא יוֹם הַקְּבוּרָה (מהרי"ו סִימָן קכ"א ומהרא"י סִימָן רצ"ו וְהָאַחֲרוֹנִים), אִם לֹא מִי שֶׁהָיָה אֵצֶל הַקְּבוּרָה וְלֹא אֵצֶל הַמִּיתָה. (בְּקַבָּלָה מִפִּי זָקֵן מֻפְלָג מַהֲרַ"ם לַנְדֹּא); וְאִם אֵרַע יוֹם זֶה בְּיוֹם שֶׁאֵין אוֹמְרִים בּוֹ תַּחֲנוּן, אֵין מִתְעַנִּין כְּלָל. וְאִם מֵתוּ בַּאֲדָר וְנִתְעַבְּרָה הַשָּׁנָה, הָעִקָּר לְהִתְעַנּוֹת בָּאֲדָר הָרִאשׁוֹן (ת"ה סִימָן רצ"ד ומהר"י מִינְ ץ), אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁיֵּשׁ חוֹלְקִין, כָּךְ הוּא עִקָּר. וְאִם מֵתוּ בִּשְׁנַת הָעִבּוּר בָּאֲדָר הַשֵּׁנִי, מִתְעַנֶּה גַּם כֵּן בְּעִבּוּר בָּאֲדָר הַשֵּׁנִי (ג"ז שָׁם). וְעַיֵּן בְּאֹרַח חַיִּים סִימָן תקס"ח סָעִיף ז'. וְעַיֵּן לְעֵיל סִימָן שצ"א שֶׁאֵין לֶאֱכֹל בִּסְעֻדָּה בְּלֵיל יוֹם שֶׁמֵּת בּוֹ אָב וָאֵם. וְאִם חָל תַּעֲנִית זֶה בְּעֶרֶב שַׁבָּת, דִּינוֹ כִּשְׁאָר תַּעֲנִית. וְעַיֵּן בא"ח סִימָן רמ"ט. מִיהוּ אִם בְּפַעַם רִאשׁוֹן הִשְׁלִים, יִנְהֹג כֵּן כָּל יָמָיו.
12 One who suffered a bereavement and it was not known to him, — [the law is that] it is not obligatory that they inform him [thereof], even in [the case of] his father and/or mother [who died], and regarding such a one, [i.e., who does inform], it is said, 'And he that uttereth a slander is a fool'; and it is permissible to invite him to a feast of betrothal and marriage and [likewise to] every [type of] festivity, since he knows not thereof. However, if he asks about him, one should not lie and say that he is alive, for it is written, 'Keep thee far from a false matter.' Rema: Nevertheless, in [ the case of surviving ] male children it is customary to inform [ them thereof ] so that Kaddish be recited, but in [ the case of surviving ] daughters it is not customary to inform them at all. It is a religious duty to fast [ on ] the day that one's father or mother died, and one fasts on the day of death and not on the day of burial, unless one was present at the burial and not at the death. If this day occurred on a day during which Taḥanun is not recited, one does not fast at all. If they died during [ the month of ] Adar and the year was a leap year, — the fundamental principle is to fast [ and observe Yahrzeit ] during [ the month of ] Adar I, although there are some who differ with [ this ], — yet, thus is the fundamental principle. However, if they died in a leap year during Adar II, one likewise fasts in a [ subsequent ] leap year during Adar II and O.H. § 568, 8. supra § 391 that one should not eat at a feast on the night of [ which the following ] day is the death anniversary of one's father or/and mother. [ If ] this fast falls on the eve of the Sabbath, the law is as [ on ] other fastday [ s ]. O.H. § 249. In any case, — [ the law is that ] if the first time one fasted the whole day, one should adopt this practice all the days of his life.
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