Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer Siman 22

Siman 22

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א אָסוּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִם עֶרְוָה מֵהָעֲרָיוֹת, בֵּין זְקֵנָה בֵּין יַלְדָּה, שֶׁדָּבָר זֶּה גּוֹרֵם לְגַלּוֹת עֶרְוָה. חוּץ מֵהָאֵם עִם בְּנָהּ וְהָאָב עִם בִּתּוֹ וְהַבַּעַל עִם אִשְׁתּוֹ נִדָּה. וְחָתָן שֶׁפֵּרְסָה אִשְׁתּוֹ נִדָּה קֹדֶם שֶׁיִבְעֹל, אָסוּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ, אֶלָּא הִיא יְשֵׁנָה בֵּין הַנָּשִׁים וְהוּא יָשֵׁן בֵּין הָאֲנָשִׁים; וְאִם בָּא עָלֶיהָ בִּיאָה רִאשׁוֹנָה וְאַחַר כָּךְ נִטְמֵאת, מֻתָּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ וְעַיֵּן בְּיו"ד סִי' קצ"ב:

1 It is forbidden to be secluded with a person with whom sexual relations are forbidden, whether elderly or young. This action leads to uncovering of nakedness. This law does not apply to a mother with her son, a father with his daughter, and a husband with his menstruant wife. A groom whose wife became niddah before consummation is forbidden to be secluded with her. Instead, she sleeps among the women and he sleeps among the men. But if he consummated the marriage and then she became [menstrually] impure, he is permitted to be secluded with her (see Yoreh Deah chapter 192).

ב כְּשֶׁאֵרַע מַעֲשֵׂה אַמְנוֹן וְתָמָר, גָּזַר דָּוִד וּבֵית דִּינוֹ עַל יִחוּד פְּנוּיָה. וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵינָהּ עֶרְוָה, בִּכְלַל יִחוּד עֲרָיוֹת הִיא. וְשַׁמַּאי וְהִלֵּל גָּזְרוּ עַל יִחוּד כּוּתִית. נִמְצָא, כָּל הַמִּתְיַחֵד עִם אִשָּׁה שֶׁאָסוּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ, בֵּין יִשְׂרְאֵלִית בֵּין כּוּתִית, מַכִּין אֶת שְׁנֵיהֶם מַכַּת מַרְדּוּת, הָאִישׁ וְהָאִשָּׁה, וּמַכְרִיזִין עֲלֵיהֶם. הַגָּה: וְדַוְקָא בְּיָדוּעַ שֶׁנִּתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ, אֲבָל הִיא אֵינָהּ נֶאֱמֶנֶת עָלָיו (רִיבָ"שׁ סִי' רס"ה). וַאֲפִלּוּ עֵד אֶחָד אֵינוֹ נֶאֱמָן (מַהֲרִי"ק שֹׁרֶשׁ קפ"ט). וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם בְּמָקוֹם שֶׁנִּרְאֶה לְבֵית דִּין דְּאִכָּא לְמֵיחַשׁ לְאִסוּרָא, צָרִיךְ לְהַפְרִישָׁן (שָׁם בָּרִיבָ"שׁ). חוּץ מֵאֵשֶׁת אִישׁ, שֶׁאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאָסוּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ, אִם נִתְיַחֵד אֵין לוֹקִין, שֶׁלֹּא לְהוֹצִיא לַעַז עָלֶיהָ שֶׁזִּנְּתָה, וְנִמְצָא מוֹצִיאִין לַעַז עַל בָּנֶיהָ שֶׁהֵם מַמְזֵרִים:

2 After the episode of Amnon and Tamar, David and his court forbade seclusion with an unmarried woman. Even if she is not forbidden as an "ervah" (person with whom sexual relations are forbidden), it is still considered as seclusion with a forbidden sexual partner. Shammai and Hillel forbade seclusion with idol-worshippers (non-Jews). Therefore, anyone who is in seclusion with a woman with whom seclusion is forbidden, whether Israelite or idol-worshipper, [the court] administers lashes of rebellion (makat mardut - Rabbinically sanctioned lashes) to both, the man and the woman, and the punishment is publicized. Rema: [We administer lashes] only if it is known that he secluded with her, but her testimony alone is not sufficient [to convict him] (Rivash chapter 265). Even a single witness is not believed (Maharik root 189). Nevertheless, when the court has reason to believe that there was a transgression, it is necessary to separate them (Rivash ibid.). However, with a married woman, even though it is forbidden to be secluded with her, if one did so, they do not administer lashes so as not to spread rumors that she had relations (with him), which would lead to rumors that her children are mamzerim (the products of a sexually forbidden union).

ג כָּל אִשָּׁה שֶׁאָסוּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ, אִם הָיְתָה אִשְׁתּוֹ עִמּוֹ הֲרֵי זֶה מֻתָּר לְהִתְיַחֵד, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁאִשְׁתּוֹ מְשַׁמַּרְתּוֹ. אֲבָל לֹא תִּתְיַחֵד יִשְׂרְאֵלִית עִם הַכּוּתִי, וְאַל עַל פִּי שֶׁאִשְׁתּוֹ עִמּוֹ:

3 If his wife is with him, it is permitted to be secluded with any woman with whom seclusion is [usually] forbidden, since his wife guards him. But an Israelite woman may not seclude with an idol-worshipping male even if his wife is with him.

ד אֵין מוֹסְרִין תִּינוֹק יִשְׂרָאֵל לְכוּתִי לְלַמְּדוֹ סֵפֶר וּלְלַמְּדוֹ אֻמָּנוּת:

4 We do not give over a Jewish child to an idol worshiper to teach him a book or a craft.

ה לֹא תִּתְיַחֵד אִשָּׁה אַחַת, אֲפִלּוּ עִם אֲנָשִׁים הַרְבֵּה, עַד שֶׁתִּהְיֶה אִשְׁתּוֹ שֶׁל אֶחָד מֵהֶם שָׁם. וְכֵן לֹא יִתְיַחֵד אִישׁ אֶחָד, אֲפִלּוּ עִם נָשִׁים הַרְבֵּה. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאִשָּׁה אַחַת מִתְיַחֶדֶת עִם שְׁנֵי אֲנָשִׁים כְּשֵׁרִים, אִם הוּא בָּעִיר (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרֹא"שׁ). וּסְתָם אֲנָשִׁים, כְּשֵׁרִים הֵם (רַ"ן פ"י יוֹחֲסִין). אֲבָל אִם הֵם פְּרוּצִים, אֲפִלּוּ עִם י' אָסוּר. וְכָל זֶה בָּעִיר, אֲבָל בַּשָּׂדֶה, אוֹ בַּלַּיְלָה אֲפִלּוּ בָּעִיר, בָּעִינָן שְׁלשָׁה (ב"י בְּשֵׁם הָרַאֲבַ"ד) אֲפִלּוּ בִּכְשֵׁרִים (גַּם זֶה טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרֹא"שׁ). וְיֵשׁ מַתִּירִין אִישׁ אֶחָד עִם נָשִׁים הַרְבֵּה, אִם אֵין עִסְקוֹ עִם הַנָּשִׁים (טוּר בְּשֵׁם רַשִׁ"י):

5 One woman may not be in seclusion even with many men, unless the wife of one of the men is present. And similarly, one man may not be in seclusion even with many women. Rema: And there are those who say that a woman may seclude herself with two "good men" [of fit morals] when in-town. And men are to be considered as good men, generally. But if they are "steeped" [in sexual immorality], it's forbidden to be secluded even with ten of them. And all this [applies] when in-town. However, in the field, or during the night even in-town, three men are required to be there, even if they are "good men". And there are those who permit one man with many women, if his business is not [primarily] involved with women.

ו נָשִׁים הַרְבֵּה עִם אֲנָשִׁים הַרְבֵּה, אֵין חוֹשְׁשִׁין לְיִחוּד. הָיוּ הָאֲנָשִׁים מִבַּחוּץ וְהַנָּשִׁים מִבִּפְנִים, אוֹ אֲנָשִׁים מִבִּפְנִים וְהַנָּשִׁים מִבַּחוּץ, וּפֵרְשָׁה אִשָּׁה אַחַת לְבֵין הָאֲנָשִׁים אוֹ אִישׁ אֶחָד לְבֵין הַנָּשִׁים, אֲסוּרִים מִשּׁוּם יִחוּד:

6 If there were many women with many men, we're not concerned about "yichud" [the prohibition of seclusion]. If the men were outside and the women inside, or the men inside and the women outside, and a woman separated to be among the men, or one man to be among the women, they are forbidden due to "yichud".

ז אֲפִלּוּ אִישׁ שֶׁעִסְקוֹ וּמְלַאכְתּוֹ עִם הַנָּשִׁים אָסוּר לוֹ לְהִתְיַחֵד עִם הַנָּשִׁים. כֵּיצַד יַעֲשֶׂה, יִתְעַסֵק עִמָּהֶם וְאִשְׁתּוֹ עִמּוֹ, אוֹ יִפְנֶה לִמְלָאכָה אַחֶרֶת:

7 Even a man whose business and job is [primarily] with women is forbidden from secluding himself with the women. What should he do? He should do his business with them while his wife is present, or he should switch to another job.

ח אִשָּׁה שֶׁבַּעְלָהּ בָּעִיר אֵין חוֹשְׁשִׁין לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁאֵימַת בַּעְלָהּ עָלֶיהָ. וְאִם הָיָה זֶה גַּס בָּהּ, כְּגוֹן שֶׁגְּדֵלָה עִמּוֹ אוֹ שֶׁהִיא קְרוֹבָתוֹ, אוֹ אִם קִנֵּא לָהּ בַּעְלָהּ עִם זֶה, לֹא יִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁבַּעְלָהּ בָּעִיר:

8 We are not worried to be secluded with a woman whose husband is in-town, since the fear of her husband is upon her. But if he was "familiar with her", such as if she grew up with him or is his relative, or her husband adjured her not to be in seclusion with him, then he may not be secluded with her, even though her husband is in-town.

ט בַּיִת שֶׁפִּתְחוֹ פָּתוּחַ לִרְשׁוּת הָרַבִּים, אֵין חֲשָׁשׁ לְהִתְיַחֵד שָׁם עִם עֶרְוָה:

9 A house whose door is open to the public domain, there is no concern for seclusion there with an "ervah" (person with whom sexual relations are forbidden).

י מֻתָּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִם שְׁתֵּי יְבָמוֹת אוֹ עִם שְׁתֵּי צָרוֹת אוֹ עִם אִשָּׁה וַחֲמוֹתָהּ אוֹ עִם אִשָּׁה וּבַת בַּעְלָהּ אוֹ עִם אִשָּׁה וּבַת חֲמוֹתָהּ, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁשּׂוֹנְאוֹת זוֹ אֶת זוֹ וְאֵין מְחַפּוֹת זוֹ עַל זוֹ. וְכֵן עִם אִשָּׁה שֶׁיֵּשׁ עִמָּהּ תִּינֹקֶת קְטַנָּה שֶׁיּוֹדַעַת טַעַם בִּיאָה וְאֵינָהּ מוֹסֶרֶת עַצְמָהּ לְבִיאָה, שֶׁאֵינָהּ מְזַנָּה לְפָנֶיהָ לְפִי שֶׁהִיא מְגַלָּה אֶת סוֹדָהּ:

10 It is permitted to seclude with two women bound for levirate marriage; or two co-wives; or a woman with her mother-in-law; or a woman with the daughter of her husband; or a woman with the daughter of her mother-in-law, because they are antagonistic to (lit. hate) one another and will not cover-up for one another. Similarly [it is permitted to be secluded] with a woman who has with her a young female child who [is old enough to] understand the nature of intercourse but [is young enough that she] will not offer herself for intercourse, the adult woman will not engage in promiscuity in front of the child because she will reveal her secret.

יא תִּינֹקֶת שֶׁהִיא פְּחוּתָה מִבַּת שָׁלֹשׁ וְתִינוֹק פָּחוֹת מִבֶּן תֵּשַׁע, מֻתָּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהֶן, שֶׁלֹּא גָּזְרוּ אֶלָּא עַל יִחוּד אִשָּׁה הָרְאוּיָה לְבִיאָה וְאִישׁ הָרָאוּי לְבִיאָה:

11 A girl younger than 3 years old, or a boy younger than 9 years old, it is permitted to be secluded with them, for [the Sages] only forbade seclusion only with a woman or man fit for [legally accountable] intercourse.

יב אַנְדְּרוֹגֵינוֹס, אֵינוֹ מִתְיַחֵד עִם הַנָּשִׁים. וְאִם נִתְיַחֵד, אֵין מַכִּין אוֹתוֹ, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהוּא סָפֵק. אֲבָל הָאִישׁ מִתְיַחֵד עִם הָאַנְדְּרוֹגֵינוֹס וְעִם הַטֻּמְטוּם:

12 One who is androgynous may not seclude with women. But if one does seclude, they are not lashed because their status is doubtful. A man is permitted to seclude with one who is androgynous or a tumtum

יג תִּקְּנוּ חֲכָמִים שֶׁיִּהְיוּ הַנָּשִׁים מְסַפְּרוֹת זוֹ עִם זוֹ בְּבֵית הַכִּסֵא, כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יִכָּנֵס שָׁם אִישׁ וְיִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהֶן. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דַּוְקָא בִּימֵיהֶם שֶׁהָיוּ בָּתֵּי כִּסְאוֹת בַּשָּׂדוֹת, אֲבָל בַּזְּמַן הַזֶּה שֶׁהֵן בָּעִיר, אֵין לָחוּשׁ (הַגָּהוֹת מַיְמוֹנִי פֶּרֶק כ"ב מֵהִלְכוֹת אִסוּר בִּיאָה):

13 Our Sages instituted that women should talk to one another in the toilet, so that a man will not enter there and be in seclusion with them. Rema: And some say that this applied only in ancient times when the toilets were in the fields, but nowadays that toilets are in the city, there is no concern (Hagahot Maimoni, Hilchot Issurei Biah chapter 22).

יד לֹא תֵּלֵךְ אִשָּׁה בַּשּׁוּק וּבְנָהּ אַחֲרֶיהָ, שֶׁמָּא יִתָּפֵס בְּנָהּ וְתֵלֵךְ אַחֲרָיו לְהַחֲזִירוֹ וְיִתְעוֹלְלוּ בָּהּ הָרְשָׁעִים שֶׁתְּפָסוּהוּ:

14 A woman should not walk in the market with her son behind her, for fear that someone will grab her son, and when she goes after her son to return him, the kidnappers will abuse her.

טו אֵין מְמַנִּין אֲפִלּוּ אָדָם נֶאֱמָן וְכָשֵׁר לִהְיוֹת שׁוֹמֵר בְּחָצֵר שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ נָשִׁים, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהוּא עוֹמֵד בַּחוּץ, שֶׁאֵין אַפּוֹטְרוֹפּוֹס לַעֲרָיוֹת:

15 We do not appoint a man -- even a reliable and worthy man -- to be a watchman in a courtyard in which there are women, even if he stands outside, for there is no trustee for arayot (i.e. even pious men may become ensnared. C.f. GR"A who quotes Yerushalmi Ketuboth chapter 1).

טז לֹא יְמַנֶּה אָדָם אַפּוֹטְרוֹפּוֹס עַל בֵּיתוֹ, שֶׁלֹּא יַנְהִיג אִשְׁתּוֹ לִדְבַר עֲבֵרָה:

16 A man should not appoint a guardian for his house, so that he does not lead his wife to stray into transgression.

יז אָסוּר לְתַלְמִיד חָכָם לִשְׁכֹּן בְּחָצֵר שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ אַלְמָנָה, אֲפִלּוּ אֵינוֹ מִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ, מִפְּנֵי הַחֲשָׁד, אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן אִשְׁתּוֹ עִמּוֹ:

17 It is forbidden for a Torah scholar to dwell in a courtyard in which there is a widow, even if he is not secluded with her, because of aspersion, unless his wife is with him.

יח אַלְמָנָה אֲסוּרָה לְגַדֵּל כֶּלֶב, מִפְּנֵי הַחֲשָׁד:

18 A widow is forbidden to raise a dog, because of aspersion.

יט לֹא תִּקְנֶה אִשָּׁה עֲבָדִים זְכָרִים, אֲפִלּוּ קְטַנִּים, מִפְּנֵי הַחֲשָׁד:

19 A woman should not purchase male [Canaanite] slaves, even minors, because of aspersion.

כ מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ אִשָּׁה לֹא יְלַמֵּד תִּינוֹקוֹת, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁאִמּוֹת הַבָּנִים בָּאוֹת לְבֵית הַסֵפֶר לִבְנֵיהֶם וְנִמְצָא מִתְגָּרֶה בְּנָשִׁים. וְכֵן אִשָּׁה לֹא תְּלַמֵּד קְטַנִּים, מִפְּנֵי אֲבוֹתֵיהֶם שֶׁהֵם בָּאִים בִּגְלַל בְּנֵיהֶם וְנִמְצְאוּ מִתְיַחֲדִים עִמָּהּ. וְאֵין הַמְלַמֵּד צָרִיךְ שֶׁתִּהְיֶה אִשְׁתּוֹ שְׁרוּיָה עִמּוֹ בְּבֵית הַסֵפֶר, אֶלָּא הִיא בְּבֵיתָהּ וְהוּא מְלַמֵּד בִּמְקוֹמוֹ:

20 An unmarried man should not teach children, for when the mothers come to school to pick up their children, he will arouse the women. Similarly, a woman should not teach small children because their fathers come on account of the children and they will be secluded with her. The [married] teacher does not need to have his wife stay with him in school; it is sufficient that she stay at home and he teaches in his place.

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