Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer Siman 35

Siman 35

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א הָאִישׁ יָכוֹל לַעֲשׂוֹת שָׁלִיחַ לְקַדֵּשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה, בֵּין אִשָּׁה סְתָם בֵּין אִשָּׁה פְּלוֹנִית, וְיֹאמַר לָהּ הַשָּׁלִיחַ: "הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִפְלוֹנִי". אֲבָל אִם אֶפְשָׁר לוֹ לְקַדְּשָׁהּ בְּעַצְמוֹ, אָסוּר לְקַדְּשָׁהּ עַל יְדֵי שָׁלִיחַ, אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן מַכִּירָהּ; שֶׁמָּא אַחַר כָּךְ יִמְצָא בָּהּ דָּבָר מְגֻנֶּה וְתִתְגַּנֶּה עָלָיו. וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁמַּכִּירָהּ, מִצְוָה שֶׁיְּקַדְּשֶׁנָּה בְּעַצְמוֹ, אִם אֶפְשָׁר:

1 A man may appoint an agent to betroth for himself a woman, whether it is any woman or a specific woman. And the agent should say to her: "Behold your are betrothed to so-and-so." But if he can betroth her himself, he may not betroth her through an agent unless he knows her, lest afterwards he finds something unseeming in her and she becomes despised to him. In all cases, even if he knows her, it is a mitzvah for him to betroth her himself, if this is possible.

ב הַשָּׁלִיחַ נַעֲשָׂה עֵד; לְפִיכָךְ, אִם עָשָׂה שְׁנֵי שְׁלוּחִים לְקַדֵּשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה, אֵין צָרִיךְ עֵדִים אֲחֵרִים. בַּמֶּה דְבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, כְּשֶׁאֵין שָׁם כְּפִירַת מָמוֹן, כְּגוֹן שֶׁקִּדְּשָׁהּ בִּשְׁטָר, אוֹ אֲפִלּוּ בְּכֶסֶף וְהִיא מוֹדָה שֶׁקִּבְּלַתּוּ אֶלָּא שֶׁאוֹמֶרֶת שֶׁלֹּא קִבְּלַתּוּ לְשֵׁם קִדּוּשִׁין אֶלָּא לְשֵׁם פִּקָּדוֹן, אֲבָל אִם יֵשׁ שָׁם כְּפִירַת מָמוֹן, שֶׁאוֹמֶרֶת שֶׁלֹּא קִבְּלָה מֵהֶם כֶּסֶף אוֹ שְׁטָר שֶׁיֵּשׁ בּוֹ שְׁוֵה פְּרוּטָה (הַמַּגִּיד מִשְׁנֶה פֶּרֶק ג'), הֲרֵי זוּ סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:

2 The agent can serve also as a witness: Therefore if he appoints two agents to betroth for him a wife, he needs no other witnesses. When is this true? When there is no denial of money, for instance he betrothed her with a document or even with money and she agrees that he gave it to her but she says that she accepted it not for betrothal but as a deposit. But if there is denial of money, that she says that she didn't receive any money or a document worth a perutah (Maggid Mishneh, ch. 3) behold she is doubtfully betrothed.

ג אֵין צָרִיךְ עֵדִים בְּמִנּוּי הָאִישׁ שָׁלִיחַ לְקַדֵּשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה, רַק שֶׁהַשָּׁלִיחַ וְהַמְשַׁלֵּחַ מוֹדִים בַּדָּבָר. וְלֹא מִקְּרֵי הוֹדָה, רַק אִם הוֹדָה בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים כְּדֶרֶךְ הוֹדָאָה (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן קצ"ג). אֲבָל בִּשְׁלִיחוּת הָאִשָּׁה שֶׁהִיא עוֹשָׂה שָׁלִיחַ לְקַבֵּל קִדּוּשִׁין, צָרִיךְ שֶׁיִּהְיֶה בְּעֵדִים. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁגַּם בִּשְׁלִיחוּת הָאִישׁ צָרִיךְ עֵדִים. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאַף בִּשְׁלִיחוּת הָאִשָּׁה בְּלֹא עֵדִים יֵשׁ לְהַחֲמִיר (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרֹא"שׁ). וְאִם לֹא הָיוּ עֵדִים אֵצֶל הַקִּדּוּשִׁין, וְהָאִשָּׁה וְהַשָּׁלִיחַ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁנִּתְקַדְּשָׁה כָּרָאוּי, וּבָא אַחֵר וְקִדְּשָׁהּ, צְרִיכָה גֵּט (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן פ"ב). וְאִם אֵין עֵדִים בַּדָּבָר, וְהַמְשַׁלֵּחַ כּוֹפֵר שֶׁעֲשָׂאוֹ שָׁלִיחַ, יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּהָוֵי סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת (מָרְדְּכַי פֶּרֶק הָאִישׁ מְקַדֵּשׁ), וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת כְּלָל (ראבי"ה וְר"י מִינְץ), וְכֵן נִרְאֶה עִקָּר:

3 There is no necessity for witnesses to the man's appointment of the agent to betroth to himself a woman, just that the agent and the sender admit [that he was appointed]. And it is not considered admission unless he admits in front of witnesses, in the manner that admission is always done (Ribash, siman 193). But when it comes to the agency that a woman appoints an agent to receive her betrothal, it must be done in front of witnesses. And there are those who say that when a man appoints a woman it also requires witnesses. Rema: And there are those who say that also when it comes to the agent appointed by a woman we should rule stringently (Tur, in the name of the Rosh). And if there were no witnesses to the betrothal and the woman and the agent say she was properly betrothed and then another comes and betroths her, she requires a get (Ribash, siman 82). And if there are no witnesses, and the send denies appointing him an agent, there are those who say she is doubtfully betrothed (Mordecai, ch. haish mekadesh). And there are those who say she isn't betrothed at all (Raavyah, Ri Mintz). And this seems to be the main opinion.

ד יֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר, שֶׁאֲפִלּוּ לֹא מִנּוּהוּ שָׁלִיחַ בְּהֶדְיָא, אֶלָּא שֶׁגִּלָּה דַּעְתּוֹ שֶׁהוּא חָפֵץ בְּאִשָּׁה פְּלוֹנִית וְאָמַר לוֹ לְשַׁדְּכָהּ לוֹ, וְהָלַךְ הַשַּׁדְּכָן וְקִדְּשָׁהּ לוֹ בְּלֹא מִנּוּי שְׁלִיחוּת, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:

4 There is an opinion that even if he didn't appoint an agent explicitly, but revealed his intent that he wants a certain woman and told [the agent] to arrange a match with her for himself, and the matchmaker went and betrothed her to him without appointment as an agent, that she is betrothed.

ה יֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר, שֶׁאִם הָאָב הִרְצָה הַדְּבָרִים לִפְנֵי הַבֵּן שֶׁהוּא רוֹצֶה לְקַדֵּשׁ לוֹ, וְשָׁתַק הַבֵּן, וְהָלַךְ הָאָב וְקִדְּשָׁהּ לוֹ, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, דְּמֵחֲמַת כִּסוּפָא דְּאָב שָׁתַק וַעֲשָׂאוֹ שָׁלִיחַ לְקַדֵּשׁ לוֹ. אֲבָל בְּאִינִישׁ אַחֲרִינֵי, כְּהַאי גַּוְנָא, הֲרֵי זוֹ סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:

5 There are those who say, that if the father presents the idea before the son that he wants to betroth for him and the son is silent and the father goes and marries her to him, behold these are betrothed, because due to embarrassment by the father he was silent and made him a messenger to betroth for him. However, with another man, in circumstances such as these, behold these are doubtfully betrothed.

ו הַכֹּל כְּשֵׁרִין לִשְׁלִיחוּת קִדּוּשִׁין. חוּץ מֵחֵרֵשׁ שׁוֹטֶה וְקָטָן, לְפִי שֶׁאֵינָן בְּנֵי דַּעַת. וְהַגּוֹי, לְפִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ בֶּן בְּרִית. וְהָעֶבֶד, לְפִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ בְּתוֹרַת קִדּוּשִׁין. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּשָׁלִיחַ רִאשׁוֹן יָכוֹל לַעֲשׂוֹת שָׁלִיחַ שֵׁנִי (מָרְדְּכַי פֶּרֶק הַמְקַבֵּל בְּשֵׁם יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים) אִם מוֹסֵר לוֹ הַקִּדּוּשִׁין שֶׁמָּסַר לוֹ הַבַּעַל, אֲבָל אִם לֹא מָסַר לוֹ הַבַּעַל הַקִּדּוּשִׁין, רַק צִוָּה אוֹתוֹ לְקַדְּשָׁהּ בְּכָל כֶּסֶף שֶׁיִּרְצֶה, אֵין עוֹשֶׂה שָׁלִיחַ. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דִּבְכָל עִנְיָן אֵין שָׁלִיחַ רִאשׁוֹן עוֹשֶׂה שָׁלִיחַ שֵׁנִי (הַגָּהוֹת מָרְדְּכַי פֶּרֶק הָאִישׁ מְקַדֵּשׁ). הַשּׁוֹלֵחַ כְּתָב עַל יְדֵי כּוּתִי לַחֲבֵרוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל שֶׁבְּמָקוֹם אַחֵר, וּמְמַנּוֹ לִהְיוֹת שְׁלוּחוֹ לְקַדֵּשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה, יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁדִּינוֹ כְּמוֹ בְּגִטִּין שֶׁיִּתְבָּאֵר לְקַמָּן סִימָן קמ"א (רַבֵּנוּ יְרוּחָם). וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּגַבֵּי קִדּוּשִׁין לְכֻלֵּי עָלְמָא הָוֵי מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת מִדְּאוֹרָיְתָא (כֵּן כָּתַב הַבֵּית יוֹסֵף):

6 All are permitted for representation for betrothal. Except a blind person, a fool, or a child, because they do not have knowledge. And a non-Jew, because he is not part of the covenant. And the servant, because he is not included in... betrothal. gloss: and some say that the first representative can make a second representative (Mordekhai, ch. Mekabel in the name of 'those who say') if he gives him the [token of] betrothal that the husband-to-be passes to him, but if the husband-to-be did not give him [a token] of betrothal but instructed that he (the representative) should render her betrothed with any money he pleases, he (the first representative) can not make a (second) representative. And some say that in any scenario a first representative cannot make a second representative (Hagahot Mordekhai ch. Ha-ish Meqadesh). A person who sends written instruction via a Kuthi to his friend, a Jew in a different place, and appoints him (the Jew) to be a representative to betroth a woman, some say that its law is like that of divorce documents, which will be explained later on in section 141 (Rabbeinu Yeruham), and some say that by [cases of] betrothal, according to everyone she is betrothed according to the Torah (so writes the Bet Yosef)

ז הָאוֹמֵר לְשָׁלִיחַ: קַדֵּשׁ לִי אִשָּׁה בְּמָקוֹם פְּלוֹנִי, וְקִדְּשָׁהּ בְּמָקוֹם אַחֵר, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְכֵן בְּכָל מַה שֶּׁשִּׁנָּה; שֶׁאִם אָמַר לוֹ לְקַדֵּשׁ, סְתָם, וְקִדְּשָׁהּ עַל תְּנַאי, אוֹ שֶׁאָמַר לוֹ לְקַדְּשָׁהּ עַל תְּנַאי, וְקִדְּשָׁהּ סְתָם אוֹ שֶׁשִּׁנָּה בַּתְּנַאי, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:

7 If a person tells a representative: render a woman betrothed for me in a specific place, and he rendered [that] woman in a different place, she is not betrothed. As so it is with anything he changed; so that if he said to render her betrothed, unspecified, and he rendered her betrothed with a condition, or he said that he should render her betrothed with a condition, and he rendered her betrothed unspecified, or he changed the condition, she is not betrothed.

ח אָמַר לוֹ: קַדְּשָׁהּ לִי וַהֲרֵי הִיא בְּמָקוֹם פְּלוֹנִי, וְקִדְּשָׁהּ בְּמָקוֹם אַחֵר, מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, שֶׁאֵינוֹ מַקְפִּיד אֶלָּא מַרְאֶה מָקוֹם הוּא לוֹ:

8 If he said to the agent, "Marry her to me, and behold she is in such-and-such a place," but the agent performed the marriage in a different place, she is married, for the groom does not care about the location, but is merely telling the agent where she is located.

ט הָעוֹשֶׂה שָׁלִיחַ לְקַדֵּשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה פְּלוֹנִית, וְהָלַךְ שָׁלִיחַ וְקִדְּשָׁהּ לְעַצְמוֹ, הֲרֵי זֶה מִנְהַג רַמָּאוּת; וּמַה שֶּׁעָשָׂה עָשׂוּי, אִם לֹא קִדְּשָׁהּ בְּמָעוֹת הַמְשַׁלֵּחַ; אֲפִלּוּ אָמַר לָהּ תְּחִלָּה: פְּלוֹנִי שְׁלָחַנִי לְקַדְּשֵׁךְ לוֹ, וּבִשְׁעַת קִדּוּשִׁין אָמַר לָהּ: הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי, הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לַשָּׁלִיחַ (טוּר). וְדַוְקָא שֶׁהָאִשָּׁה שָׁמְעָה וְהֵבִינָה יָפֶה קֹדֶם קַבָּלַת הַקִּדּוּשִׁין, שֶׁאָמַר: הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי, דְּאִם לֹא כֵן אַדַּעְתָּא דְּמַה שֶּׁאָמַר לָהּ בִּתְחִלָּה לְקַדְּשָׁהּ לִפְלוֹנִי קִבְּלָה הַקִּדּוּשִׁין. אֲבָל אִם טָעָה הַשָּׁלִיחַ וְאָמַר: מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי, אֵין כָּאן בֵּית מֵחוֹשׁ, דְּהֶקְדֵּשׁ בְּטָעוּת לָא הָוֵי הֶקְדֵּשׁ. וְנֶאֱמָן הַשָּׁלִיחַ לוֹמַר דְּטָעָה. וְיֵשׁ מִי שֶׁמַּחֲמִיר לְהַצְרִיכָהּ גֵּט:

9 The one who sends a messenger to betroth for him a certain woman, and the messenger went and betrothed her for himself, behold this is a deceptive custom; and what he did was done, if he did not betroth her with the money of the sender; even if he said to her first: Ploni sent me to betroth you to him, and if, in the moment of kiddushin, he said to her: behold you are betrothed to me, behold she is betrothed to the messenger (Tur). And precisely when the woman heard and understood well before the acceptance of the kiddushin, because he said: behold, you are betrothed to me, that if this is not the case according to the intention because what he said to her first was to betroth Ploni [when] she accepted the kiddushin. But if the messenger made a mistake and said: you are betrothed to me, there is not hear a concern, because the mistaken betrothal is not a betrothal. And the messenger is believed saying that he made a mistake. There is one who is strict that she requires a get.

י אִם לֹא רָצְתָה הָאִשָּׁה לְהִתְקַדֵּשׁ לַמְשַׁלֵּחַ וְקִדְּשָׁהּ הַשָּׁלִיחַ לְעַצְמוֹ, אֵינוֹ נִקְרָא רַמָּאוּת:

10 If the woman did not want to become betrothed to the person who sent the representative, and the representative rendered her betrothed for himself, it is not called trickery.

יא הָאוֹמֵר לִשְׁלוּחוֹ: צֵא וְקַדֵּשׁ לִי אִשָּׁה, וּמֵת הַשָּׁלִיחַ, וְאֵינוֹ יוֹדֵעַ אִם קִדֵּשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה אוֹ לֹא קִדֵּשׁ, הֲרֵי זֶה בְּחֶזְקַת שֶׁקִּדֵּשׁ, שֶׁחֲזָקָה שָׁלִיחַ עוֹשֶׂה שְׁלִיחוּתוֹ. וְהוֹאִיל וְאֵין יוֹדֵעַ אֵיזוֹ אִשָּׁה קִדֵּשׁ לוֹ, הֲרֵי זֶה אָסוּר בְּכָל אִשָּׁה שֶׁיֵּשׁ לָהּ קְרוֹבוֹת שֶׁהֵן עֶרְוָה עִמָּהּ, כְּגוֹן אִשָּׁה שֶׁיֵּשׁ לָהּ בַּת אוֹ אֵם אוֹ אָחוֹת וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן, שֶׁאִם תֹּאמַר יִשָּׂא זוֹ, שֶׁמָּא אִמָּהּ קִדֵּשׁ לוֹ שְׁלוּחוֹ אוֹ אֲחוֹתָהּ אוֹ בִּתָּהּ. וּמֻתָּר בְּאִשָּׁה שֶׁאֵין לָהּ קְרוֹבוֹת כְּגוֹן אֵלּוּ. הָיְתָה לָהּ קְרוֹבָה כְּגוֹן אֵם אוֹ אָחוֹת וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן, וְהָיְתָה הַקְּרוֹבָה אֵשֶׁת אִישׁ בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁעָשָׂה שָׁלִיחַ, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁנִּתְגָּרְשָׁה קֹדֶם שֶׁיָּמוּת הַשָּׁלִיחַ, הֲרֵי זֶה מֻתָּר בָּהּ, וְאֵין אוֹמְרִים שֶׁמָּא קִדֵּשׁ הַשָּׁלִיחַ אֶת קְרוֹבָתָהּ אַחַר שֶׁנִּתְגָּרְשָׁה, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁלֹּא הָיְתָה רְאוּיָה בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁעָשָׂה הַשָּׁלִיחַ, וְאֵין אָדָם עוֹשֶׂה שָׁלִיחַ לְקַדֵּשׁ לוֹ אֶלָּא אִשָּׁה שֶׁיָּכוֹל הוּא לְקַדְּשָׁהּ בִּשְׁעַת הַשְּׁלִיחוּת. הַגָּה: וְכֵן אִם בָּאוּ הַקְּרוֹבוֹת וְאָמְרוּ: לֹא נִתְקַדַּשְׁנוּ, וְעָמְדוּ וְנִשְּׂאוּ, מֻתָּר בְּאִשָּׁה זוֹ, דְּהָא וַדַּאי לֹא נִתְקַדְּשׁוּ הַקְּרוֹבוֹת (הָרַ"ן פֶּרֶק הַמְקַבֵּל). יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּהוּא הַדִּין אִם צִוָּה לְקַדֵּשׁ אִשָּׁה פְּלוֹנִית, וּמֵת הַשָּׁלִיחַ, נֶאֱסַר מִיָּד בִּקְרוֹבוֹתֶיהָ מִטַּעַם חֲזָקָה שָׁלִיחַ עוֹשֶׂה שְׁלִיחוּתוֹ וְיֵשׁ חוֹלְקִין בָּזֶה: (תּוֹסָפוֹת פֶּרֶק הַמְקַבֵּל). (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן פ"ב).

11 He who says to his representative: go and render a woman betrothed to me, and the representative dies, and he (the sender) does not know if he rendered a woman betrothed to him or not, behold this (late representative) is under the status of having made a betrothal, because it is an assumption that that a representative fulfils his task. And since he does not know which woman this representative rendered betrothed for him, he is prohibited from all women who have relatives that are forbidden with her, such as a woman who has a daughter or mother or sister, and the like. For if you say he should marry her, perhaps his representative rendered her mother, or sister, or daughter betrothed to him. And he is permitted with a woman who has no relatives such as these. If she has a relative, like a mother or sister and the like, and the relative was a married woman when the he (the sender) made a representative, even though she got divorced before the death of the representative, he can marry this woman, and they do not say that perhaps the representative rendered the relative betrothed after she divorced, because she (this relative) was not suitable when he (the sender) made the representative, and a person only makes a representative for betrothal to woman who is suitable for betrothal at the time of the task. gloss: and so is the case if the relatives come and say: we were not betrothed, and they get stand and get married, he is permitted to this woman (with these relatives), because for sure the relatives did not become betrothed (RAN ch. Meqabel). Some say that it follows that the law is that if he instructed to render a specific woman betrothed, and the representative died, he is prohibited from her relatives immediately, the reason being that a representative fulfils his task and some dispute this (Tosfot ch. Meqabel). (RIVASH, section 82)

יב הָעוֹשֶׂה שָׁלִיחַ לְקַדֵּשׁ לוֹ אִשָּׁה פְּלוֹנִית, וְהָלַךְ וְקִדְּשָׁהּ לוֹ, וְקִדֵּשׁ הַמְשַׁלֵּחַ בְּעַצְמוֹ לְאִמָּהּ אוֹ לְבִתָּהּ אוֹ לַאֲחוֹתָהּ, וְאֵין יָדוּעַ אֵיזוֹ מֵהֶן נִתְקַדְּשָׁה רִאשׁוֹנָה, שְׁתֵּיהֶן צְרִיכוֹת גֵּט וַאֲסוּרוֹת עָלָיו:

12 He who makes a representative to render a specific woman betrothed to him, and he (the representative) went and rendered her betrothed to him (the sender), and the sender himself rendered her mother, or daughter, or sister betrothed, and it is unknown which one (the woman or the relative) was betrothed first, they both need a divorce and they are forbidden to him.

יג עָשָׂה שָׁלִיחַ וּבִטֵּל הַשְּׁלִיחוּת קֹדֶם הַקִּדּוּשִׁין, הֲרֵי הוּא בָּטֵל. וְאִם אֵין יָדוּעַ אִם בִּטֵּל הַשְּׁלִיחוּת קֹדֶם אוֹ אַחַר הַקִּדּוּשִׁין, הֲרֵי זוֹ סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:

13 If he appointed a messenger, and then nullified the sending [of the messenger] before the kidushin (betrothal) [took place], he [the messenger] is nullified. And if it is unknown if he nullified the sending [of the messenger] before or after the kidushin [took place], it is a doubtful kidushin.

יד אֵין לְבַטְּלָהּ אֶלָּא בִּפְנֵי הַשָּׁלִיחַ עַצְמוֹ. וְאִם בִּטְּלוֹ שֶׁלֹּא בְּפָנָיו, מְבֻטָּל:

14 One does not nullify it [that is, the messenger] except in front of the messenger, himself. And if they nullified [it] not in front of him, it is nullified.

טו לֹא הֻחְזַק הַשָּׁלִיחַ בְּעֵדִים, הוּא אוֹמֵר: לְעַצְמִי קִדַּשְׁתִּי, וְהִיא אוֹמֶרֶת: לָרִאשׁוֹן, הַשֵּׁנִי כְּאוֹמֵר לְאִשָּׁה קִדַּשְׁתִּיךְ וְהִיא אוֹמֶרֶת לֹא קִדַּשְׁתַּנִי, שֶׁהוּא אָסוּר בִּקְרוֹבוֹתֶיהָ וְהִיא מֻתֶּרֶת בִּקְרוֹבָיו; הִיא כְּאוֹמֶרֶת לָרִאשׁוֹן קִדַּשְׁתַּנִי וְהוּא אוֹמֵר לֹא קִדַּשְׁתִּיךְ. אָמְרָה: אֵינִי יוֹדַעַת, חֲזָקָה לַשֵּׁנִי. הֻחְזַק הַשָּׁלִיחַ בְּעֵדִים, הוּא אוֹמֵר: לְעַצְמִי, וְהִיא אוֹמֶרֶת: לָרִאשׁוֹן, חֲזָקָה לָרִאשׁוֹן. וַאֲפִלּוּ הָכִי הַשֵּׁנִי אָסוּר בִּקְרוֹבוֹתֶיהָ (הַמַּגִּיד מִשְׁנֶה בְּשֵׁם הָר"א). אָמְרָה: אֵינִי יוֹדַעַת, שְׁנֵיהֶם נוֹתְנִים גֵּט; וְאִם רָצוּ, אֶחָד נוֹתֵן גֵּט וְאֶחָד כּוֹנֵס. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים, דְּאַף אִם הֻחְזַק הַשְּׁלִיחוּת, אִם הַשָּׁלִיחַ אוֹמֵר שֶׁחָזַר מִשְּׁלִיחוּתוֹ, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לָרִאשׁוֹן. וְכֵן אִם לֹא הֻחְזַק הַשְּׁלִיחוּת וְהַמְשַׁלֵּחַ אוֹמֵר שֶׁעֲשָׂאוֹ שָׁלִיחַ, הוּא אָסוּר בִּקְרוֹבוֹתֶיהָ (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרֹא"שׁ). מִיהוּ, אִם אַחַר כָּךְ חָזַר הַשָּׁלִיחַ וְאָמַר: סָבוּר הָיִיתִי שֶׁקִּדַּשְׁתִּי לְעַצְמִי, וְנִזְכַּרְתִּי שֶׁקִּדַּשְׁתִּיהָ לְשׁוֹלְחִי, יֵשׁ לִסְמֹךְ אַסְּבָרָא הָרִאשׁוֹנָה (הַגָּהוֹת מָרְדְּכַי דְּקִדּוּשִׁין בְּשֵׁם תְּשׁוּבַת מוהר"ם). שָׁלִיחַ שֶׁאָמַר: קִדַּשְׁתִּיהָ לַמְשַׁלֵּחַ, וְהִיא אוֹמֶרֶת: לֹא קִדַּשְׁתַּנִי, הַמְשַׁלֵּחַ אָסוּר בִּקְרוֹבוֹתֶיהָ עַל פִּי הַשָּׁלִיחַ:

15 If the messenger was not established with witnesses, if he said, "I betrothed her to myself" and she said, "To the first person [who sent the messenger was I betrothed]" the second man is as though he says to the woman, "I am betrothed to you" and she says, "You did not betroth me," [in which case] he is forbidden to [marry] her relatives and she is permitted to [marry] his relatives. She is like one who says to the first man, "You betrothed me" and he says "I did not betroth you." If she says, "I do not know," the second man has the status [of being betrothed]. If the messenger was established with witnesses and he says, "For myself" and she says, "To the first man" the first man has the status [of being betrothed]. And even so, the second man is forbidden to [marry] her relatives ( Maggid Mishneh in the name of the R"a). If she says, "I do not know," both of them give a bill of divorce. But if they want, one of them gives a bill of divorce and one of them can enter [into marriage]. Rema: And some say that even if the messenger was established with witnesses, if the messenger says that he renounced his [status as a] messenger, she is not betrothed to the first man. So too if the messenger was not established and the sender says that he made him his messenger, he is forbidden to marry her relatives ( Tur in the name of the Rosh). However, if afterwards the messenger returned and said, "I thought I betrothed her to myself, but remembered that I betrothed her to my sender," one can rely on his first thought ( Hagahot Mordekhai in Kiddushin in the name of the Teshuvat Moharim). A messenger who said, "I betrothed her to my sender" and she says, "I was not betrothed," the sender is forbidden [to marry] her relatives by the words of the messenger.

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