Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer Siman 36

Siman 36

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א הָאִשָּׁה יְכוֹלָה לַעֲשׂוֹת שָׁלִיחַ לְקַבֵּל קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ; וּמִצְוָה שֶׁתִּתְקַדֵּשׁ עַל יְדֵי עַצְמָהּ, אִם תּוּכַל, אֲבָל אִסוּר לֵיכָּא כְּמוֹ שֶׁיֵּשׁ בָּאִישׁ. וְאוֹמֵר הָאִישׁ לַשָּׁלִיחַ: "הֲרֵי פְּלוֹנִית שֶׁשָּׁלְחָה אוֹתְךָ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי", וְהַשָּׁלִיחַ אוֹמֵר: "קִדַּשְׁתִּיהָ לְךָ". וְאִם אָמַר: "הֵן", דַּיּוֹ. וַאֲפִלּוּ שָׁתַק, אִם הָיוּ עֲסוּקִין בְּאוֹתוֹ עִנְיָן וְנָתַן לַשָּׁלִיחַ וְלֹא פֵּרַשׁ וְלֹא אָמַר דָּבָר, דַּיּוֹ. וְאִם מְקַדְּשָׁהּ בִּשְׁטָר, אֵינוֹ כּוֹתְבוֹ אֶלָּא מִדַּעַת הַשָּׁלִיחַ. וְיֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר, שֶׁאֵינוֹ כּוֹתְבוֹ אֶלָּא מִדַּעְתָּהּ:

1 The woman can appoint an emissary to accept her betrothal; and it is a mitzvah that she should be betrothed herself, if she can, but there is no prohibition as there is for a man. And the man says to the emissary: "Behold so-and-so who sent you is betrothed to me," and the emissary says: "I have betrothed her to you." And if he said: "Yes," it is enough. And even if he was silent, if they were dealing with the matter and he gave it to the emissary and did not explain and did not say anything, it is enough. And if he betroths her with a document, he only writes it with the knowledge of the emissary. And there is an opinion that he only writes it with her knowledge.

ב בְּכָל הַדְּבָרִים שֶׁל קִדּוּשִׁין דִּין הָאִישׁ עִם שְׁלוּחָהּ כְּדִינוֹ עִם הָאִשָּׁה:

2 In all matters of engagement, the law of a man sending a messenger [to a woman] is the same as the man directly with the woman.

ג אָמְרָה לַשָּׁלִיחַ: קַבֵּל הַקִּדּוּשִׁין בְּמָקוֹם פְּלוֹנִי, וְהוּא קִבְּלָם בְּמָקוֹם אַחֵר, אוֹ בְּכָל דָּבָר שֶׁיְּשַׁנֶּה בִּשְׁלִיחוּתָהּ, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:

3 If she said to the emissary: Accept the betrothal in a certain place, and he accepted it in a different place, or if he deviates from her instructions in any matter, she is not betrothed.

ד אָמְרָה לוֹ: הֲרֵי הוּא בְּמָקוֹם פְּלוֹנִי, וְקִבֵּל בְּמָקוֹם אַחֵר, מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, שֶׁמַּרְאָה מָקוֹם הִיא לוֹ:

4 If she said to him, behold he is in a certain place, and he accepted [the betrothal] in a different place, she is betrothed, for she was [merely] pointing out a place to him.

ה יֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר, דְּשָׁלִיחַ דְּקִדּוּשִׁין אֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לְמַנּוֹת שָׁלִיחַ, דְּמִלֵּי נִינְהוּ וְלָא מִמְּסְרָן לְשָׁלִיחַ. וְעַיֵּן לְעֵיל סִימָן ל"ה סָעִיף ו' נִתְבָּאֵר:

5 There are those that say that a messenger for kiddushin (that is, betrothal) may not appoint another messenger, for they [that which the sender gave to the first messenger] are [only] words, and [words] are not given to [another] messenger. Italics-- See above. [In] Section 35, subsection 6 it is explained.

ו מִי שֶׁקִּדֵּשׁ עַל יְדֵי שָׁלִיחַ לֹא יְקַדֵּשׁ פַּעַם אַחֶרֶת בִּשְׁעַת חֻפָּה, שֶׁלֹּא לְהוֹצִיא לַעַז עַל קִּדּוּשִׁין הָרִאשׁוֹנִים, שֶׁיֹּאמְרוּ: אֵין קִדּוּשֵׁי שָׁלִיחַ כְּלוּם וְעַיֵּן לְעֵיל סוֹף סִימָן ל"ד. חָזְרָה וּבִטְּלָה הַשְּׁלִיחוּת קֹדֶם שֶׁקִּבֵּל הַקִּדּוּשִׁין, הֲרֵי הוּא בָּטֵל, וְאֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְאִם אֵין יָדוּעַ אִם בִּטְּלָה הַשְּׁלִיחוּת קֹדֶם קַבָּלַת הַקִּדּוּשִׁין אוֹ אַחַר כָּךְ, הֲרֵי זוֹ סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:

6 A person who betrothed by way of agent should not repeat the betrothal (kiddushin) another time at the time of the chupa so as not to demean the validity of the original betrothal, for people will say, "Betrothal by way of agent has no value." Rema: See supra end of chapter 34. Mechaber: If the woman nullified the agency before the agent received the kiddushin money, it is nullified, and she is not betrothed. If it is unknown whether she nullified the agency before receipt of the kiddushin or afterward, she is questionably betrothed.

ז אִם קִבֵּל שְׁלוּחָהּ קִדּוּשִׁין מֵאֶחָד, וְהִיא בְּעַצְמָהּ קִבְּלָה קִדּוּשִׁין מֵאַחֵר, וְאֵין יָדוּעַ אִם קִדּוּשִׁין שֶׁקִּבֵּל שְׁלוּחָהּ קָדְמוּ לְשֶׁלָּהּ אוֹ שֶׁלָּהּ קָדְמוּ, אֲסוּרָה לִשְׁנֵיהֶם, וּצְרִיכָה גֵּט מִשְּׁנֵיהֶם. וְאִם רָצוּ, אֶחָד נוֹתֵן גֵּט וְאֶחָד כּוֹנֵס. וּמְקַדְּשָׁהּ קִדּוּשִׁין אֲחֵרִים (רַבֵּנוּ יְרוּחָם נָתִיב כ"ב). בַּמֶּה דְבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, בִּרְחוֹקִים, אֲבָל אִם קִדְּשָׁהּ הַשָּׁלִיחַ לָאָב, וְקִדְּשָׁהּ הִיא בְּעַצְמָהּ לַבֵּן אוֹ לָאָח, שְׁנֵיהֶם נוֹתְנִין גֵּט וַאֲסוּרָה לִשְׁנֵיהֶם:

7 If her agent received kiddushin [money] from one person, and she herself accepted kiddushin from another, and it is not known whether the kiddushin accepted by the agent preceded her receipt, or vice versa, she is forbidden to both [men], and requires a get from both. If they [the men] so desire, one gives a get and the other marries her. Rema: [In the latter case] he must betrothe her with other kiddushin [money] (Rabbenu Yeruham, netiv 22). Mechaber: With what circumstances are we dealing? With non-related men; but if she was betrothed by her agent (who accepted kiddushin money) to a father, and she accepted kiddushin money from his son or his brother, both men give her (separate) gets, and she is forbidden to both.

ח אִשָּׁה נַעֲשֵׂית שָׁלִיחַ לַחֲבֶרְתָּהּ לְקַבֵּל קִדּוּשִׁין, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁנַּעֲשֵׂית לָהּ צָרָה, שֶׁמְּקַדֵּשׁ לִשְׁתֵּיהֶן. וְיֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר, שֶׁאֲפִלּוּ אִם כְּשֶׁאָמְרָה לָהּ: קַבְּלִי גַּם בִּשְׁבִילִי, וְלֹא הֵשִׁיבָה הֵן אֶלָּא שָׁתְקָה וְקִבְּלָה סְתָם, מִסְתָמָא גַּם בִּשְׁבִילָהּ קִבְּלָה:

8 a woman is able to be nominated as a legal messenger for her female friend, in order to be able to accept a marriage proposal on her friend's behalf. This is the case even if it is to accept marriage for a friend to be wed to her husband, which will make them co-wives. There are some who say that even if her friend tells her ""accept the proposal for me", and she doesn't respond "ok", and just keeps quiet and accepts the proposal, we can assume that she did accept the proposal on her friend's behalf (and she is a married woman)

ט אִשָּׁה שֶׁהִיא שָׁלִיחַ לְקַבֵּל קִדּוּשִׁין לַחֲבֶרְתָּהּ, וּכְשֶׁנָּתַן הַקִּדּוּשִׁין אָמַר לָהּ: "וְאַתְּ נַמִּי", אוֹ "וְכֵן אַתְּ", שְׁתֵּיהֶן מְקֻדָּשׁוֹת. אֲבָל אִם לֹא אָמַר לָהּ אֶלָּא: "וְאַתְּ", הֲרֵי זוֹ שֶׁקִּבְּלָה הַקִּדּוּשִׁין סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, שֶׁמָּא לֹא נִתְכַּוֵּן אֶלָּא לִרְאוֹת מַה בְּלִבָּהּ, וּכְאִלּוּ אָמַר לָהּ: וְאַתְּ מַה תֹּאמְרִי בְּדָבָר זֶה, וּלְפִיכָךְ קִבְּלָה הַקִּדּוּשִׁין הִיא, שֶׁהֲרֵי זֶה עֲדַיִן שׁוֹאֲלָהּ לִרְאוֹת מַה בְּלִבָּהּ:

9 If a woman is an emissary to accept a betrothal for her fellow, and if when he gave the betrothal he said to her: "And you too," or "and also you," they are both betrothed. But if he only said to her: "And you," behold the one who received the betrothal is doubtfully betrothed, lest he only intended to see what is in her heart, and it is as if he said to her: And you, what do you say about this thing, and therefore she accepted the betrothal, for this [man] still asks her to see what is in her heart.

י יֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר, שֶׁאֵין הָאָב יָכוֹל לֵעָשׂוֹת שָׁלִיחַ לְקַדֵּשׁ בִּתּוֹ בּוֹגֶרֶת, וְחָלְקוּ עָלָיו:

10 some say that a father is not able to be nominated as a legal messenger in order to marry off his older daughter (above the age of 12.5), and we disagree with this opinion.

יא מִי שֶׁקִּבֵּל קִידוּשִׁין לְבִתּוֹ בּוֹגֶרֶת, וְלֹא עֲשָׂאוּהוּ שָׁלִיחַ, יֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר שֶׁצְּרִיכָה גֵּט מִסָפֵק:

11 someone who accepted a marriage proposal on behalf of his adult daughter, but was not officially nominated as a legal messenger by her, some say that the woman needs a divorce (in order to be free to marry someone else,) out of the doubt (that maybe she is married.)

יב אֵין הָאִשָּׁה עוֹשָׂה שָׁלִיחַ לְקַבֵּל קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ מִיַּד שְׁלִיחַ בַּעֲלָהּ. מִיהוּ אִם עָשְׂתָה, הָוֵי סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת (בֵּית יוֹסֵף). וְעַיֵּן לְקַמָּן סִימָן קמ"א סָעִיף א' גַּבֵּי גֵּט:

12 a woman cannot be nominated as a legal messenger in order to accept a marriage proposal from her husband (to another woman, i.e a second wife) who send his proposal through his own messenger. However, if she already accepted it, it is a doubt and they may be legally married (and her friend will need a divorce to be able to marry a different man)

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