Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer Siman 37

Siman 37

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א הָאָב מְקַדֵּשׁ אֶת בִּתּוֹ שֶׁלֹּא לְדַעְתָּהּ, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁהִיא קְטַנָּה. וְכֵן כְּשֶׁהִיא נַעֲרָה, רְשׁוּתָהּ בְּיָדוֹ וְקִדּוּשֶׁיהָ לְאָבִיהָ. וְכֵן הוּא זַכַּאי בִּמְצִיאָתָהּ וּבְמַעֲשֵׂה יָדֶיהָ וּבִכְתֻבָּתָהּ. אִם נִתְאַלְמְנָה, אוֹ נִתְגָּרְשָׁה מִן הָאֵרוּסִין, הוּא זַכַּאי בַּכֹּל עַד שֶׁתִּבְגַּר. לְפִיכָךְ, מְקַבֵּל הָאָב קִדּוּשֵׁי בִּתּוֹ מִיּוֹם שֶׁתִּוָלֵד עַד שֶׁתִּבְגַּר; וַאֲפִלּוּ הָיְתָה חֵרֶשֶׁת אוֹ שׁוֹטָה וְקִדְּשָׁהּ הָאָב, הֲרֵי הִיא אֵשֶׁת אִישׁ גְּמוּרָה. וְאִם הָיְתָה בַּת שָׁלשׁ שָׁנִים וְיוֹם אֶחָד, מִתְקַדֶּשֶׁת בְּבִיאָה מִדַּעַת אָבִיהָ. פָּחוֹת מִכָּאן, אִם מְסָרָהּ אָבִיהָ לְקִדּוּשֵׁי בִּיאָה, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. הַגָּה: יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאֵין קִדּוּשִׁין תּוֹפְסִין בְּנֶפֶל, וְאִם קִבֵּל אָבִיו בּוֹ קִדּוּשִׁין וְהַמְקַדֵּשׁ קִדֵּשׁ אַחַר כָּךְ אֲחוֹתוֹ, צְרִיכָה גֵּט (אוֹר זָרוּעַ):

1 The father can marry off his daughter without her knowledge all the time while she is a ketanah [minor below the age of 12]. When she becomes na'arah [a young woman between 12 and 12.5], her option to be married is still in his hands. He also has the right of possession of what she finds or the work of her hands and the price of her Ketubah if she is widowed or divorced. From her engagement, he has the right of possession of everything until she reaches full puberty. Therefore, the father receives all betrothals for his daughter until she reaches maturity. Even if she is deaf or mentally ill and her father marries her off, she is considered a married woman and if she is at least 3 years and a day old, she can be married through sexual intercourse with the knowledge of her father. Younger than this, if her father passes her to be married through intercourse, she is not considered to be married. Or Zarua: There are those that hold marriage cannot take hold on a non-viable birth. If the father accepts such a proposal of marriage and the (possible) husband, after the fact, marries the sister, she would need a get.

ב בָּגְרָה הַבַּת, אֵין לְאָבִיהָ בָּהּ רְשׁוּת, וַהֲרֵי הִיא כִּשְׁאָר כָּל הַנָּשִׁים שֶׁאֵין מִתְקַדְּשׁוֹת אֶלָּא לְדַעְתָּן. וְאִם נָשִׁים יְכוֹלוֹת לְהָעִיד שֶׁהִיא בּוֹגֶרֶת, עַיֵּן לְקַמָּן סִימָן קס"ט סָעִיף י"א וְסִימָן קנ"ה סָעִיף ט"ו:

2 Once he daughter becomes a bogeret [older than twelve and a half], her father no longer has authority over her [to marry her off], and she is like all other women, who are not married without their consent. (italics:) and regarding if women may testify that she is a bogeret, see below section 169 subsection 11, and section 155 subsection 15.

ג וְכֵן אִם הִשִּׂיאָהּ אָבִיהָ וְנִתְאַלְמְנָה אוֹ נִתְגָּרְשָׁה בְּחַיֵּי אָבִיהָ, הֲרֵי הִיא בִּרְשׁוּת עַצְמָהּ. וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁעֲדַיִן הִיא קְטַנָּה, כֵּיוָן שֶׁנִּשֵּׂאת, אֵין לְאָבִיהָ בָּהּ רְשׁוּת לְעוֹלָם. אֲבָל אִם קִדְּשָׁהּ, וְנִתְאַלְמְנָה אוֹ נִתְגָּרְשָׁה כַּמָּה פְּעָמִים קֹדֶם שֶׁתִּבְגַּר, חוֹזֶרֶת לִרְשׁוּת אָבִיהָ:

3 Likewise, if she is married off by her father and then is widowed or divorced while her father is still alive, she is in her own custody [that is, she cannot be married off by her father]. And, even though she is still a minor, since she has already been married, her father never more has custody over her. However, if she had been just mekudeshet (that is, betrothed but not married), and then she was widowed or divorced [even] several times before she becomes a bogeret, she returns to her father's custody.

ד נִתְקַדְּשָׁה קֹדֶם שֶׁתִּבְגַּר, שֶׁלֹּא לְדַעַת אָבִיהָ, אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:

4 If she is mekudeshet (that is, bethrothed) before she becomes a bogeret (that is, mature. The age of twelve and a half), without the knowledge of her father, she is not legally betrothed.

ה קִדְּשָׁהּ אָבִיהָ בַּבֹּקֶר וְקִדְּשָׁה עַצְמָהּ בָּעֶרֶב, וּשְׁנֵיהֶם בַּיּוֹם שֶׁנִּשְׁלַם בּוֹ שִׁשָּׁה חֳדָשִׁים שֶׁל יְמֵי נַעֲרוּת, וּבְדָקוּהָ וּמְצָאוּהָ בּוֹגֶרֶת, מַחֲזִיקִים אוֹתָהּ בְּחֶזְקַת בּוֹגֶרֶת וְקִדּוּשֵׁי הָאָב אֵינָם כְּלוּם. וְיֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר, דַּאֲפִלּוּ אֵינָהּ מַכְחִישָׁתוֹ לוֹמַר שֶׁבָּאוּ הַסִימָנִים בַּבֹּקֶר. וְיֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר, דְּדַוְקָא מַכְחִישָׁתוֹ, אֲבָל בְּאֵינָהּ מַכְחִישָׁתוֹ צְרִיכָה גֵּט מִשְּׁנֵיהֶם:

5 If her father is mekadesh (that is, betroths) her [to someone] in the morning, and she is mekadesh herself in the evening, and both [of these betrothals] took place on the day that she finished the six months of her naarut (that is, on the day that she becomes a bogeret, a mature adult), and they investigate and find that she is [physically] a bogeret, we give her the status of a bogeret [for the entire day], and the kidushin (that is, the betrothal) of her father is meaningless. And there are those who say that [this is the case] even if she does not contradict [her father's words], saying that she [indeed] had signs [of being a bogeret] in the morning [before her father betrothed her]. And there are those who say that [this is the case] specifically if she does contradict [her father's words], however, if she does not contradict him, she requires a get (that is, a bill of divorce) from both of them.

ו אִם בְּתוֹךְ הַשִּׁשָּׁה חֳדָשִׁים שֶׁל נַעֲרוּת קִדְּשָׁהּ אָבִיהָ שֶׁלֹּא לְדַעְתָּהּ, וְהִיא קִדְּשָׁה עַצְמָהּ שֶׁלֹּא לְדַעַת אָבִיהָ, וְנִמְצְאוּ לָהּ סִימָנִים, הָוֵי סָפֵק וּצְרִיכָה גֵּט מִשְּׁנֵיהֶם:

6 If within those six months of naarut (that is, when she was between the age of twelve and twelve and a half), her father was mekadesh her (that is, betrothed her to someone) without her knowledge, and she was mekadesh herself [to someone else] without the knowledge of her father, and they discovered that she had signs [of having reached maturity], she is in doubt and requires a get (that is, a bill of divorce) from both of them.

ז כְּשֵׁם שֶׁיָּכוֹל הָאָב לְקַדְּשָׁהּ בְּעַצְמוֹ, כָּךְ יָכוֹל לְקַדְּשָׁהּ עַל יְדֵי שְׁלוּחוֹ, אוֹ עַל יְדֵי עַצְמָהּ, שֶׁיֹּאמַר לָהּ: "צְאִי וְקַבְּלִי קִדּוּשַׁיִךְ". הַגָּה: וְצָרִיךְ לוֹמַר לָהּ כֵּן בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים, דַּהֲרֵי שְׁלִיחַ קַבָּלָה צָרִיךְ עֵדִים (פִּסְקֵי מהרא"י סִימָן נ'), כְּמוֹ שֶׁנִּתְבָּאֵר לְעֵיל סִימָן ל"ה סָעִיף ג'. וְאִם גָּלוּי לַכֹּל שֶׁמְּכִינָהּ לְחֻפָּה וּלְקַבֵּל קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ, כְּאוֹמֵר לָהּ בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים דָּמֵי (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן תע"ט). וְאֵין חִלּוּק בֵּין נַעֲרָה לִקְטַנָּה (הָרַ"ן פֶּרֶק קַמָּא דְּקִדּוּשִׁין), וְכֵן עִקָּר. אֲבָל יֵשׁ חוֹלְקִים וְאוֹמְרִים דְּאֵין בַּת קְטַנָּה יְכוֹלָה לְקַבֵּל קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ, אֶלָּא הָאָב בְּעַצְמוֹ צָרִיךְ לְקַבְּלָם (הָרִי"ף וְהַמָּרְדְּכַי בְּשֵׁם הָרא"ם). וּכְדֵי לְהוֹצִיא נַפְשׁוֹ מִפְּלֻגְתָּא, יַחֲזִיק הָאָב יַד הַקְּטַנָּה בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁמְּקַבֶּלֶת הַקִּדּוּשִׁין, אוֹ יַעֲמֹד אֶצְלָהּ כְּשֶׁתְּקַבְּלָן, דְּהָוֵי כְּאִלּוּ קִבְּלָן בְּעַצְמוֹ (כָּל בּוֹ וּבִתְרוּמַת הַדֶּשֶׁן סִימָן רי"ג). וְהָכִי עָדִיף טְפֵי מִשֶּׁיְּקַבְּלוֹ בְּעַצְמוֹ, דַּהֲרֵי יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאָסוּר לְקַדֵּשׁ בִּתּוֹ קְטַנָּה (שָׁם בִּתְרוּמַת הַדֶּשֶׁן), כְּמוֹ שֶׁיִּתְבָּאֵר בְּסָמוּךְ. וּכְשֶׁמְּקַדֵּשׁ הַקְּטַנָּה אוֹמֵר לָהּ "הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי" (הָרַ"ן פֶּרֶק קַמָּא דְּקִדּוּשִׁין). וְאִם אָמַר: "בִּתְּךְ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי", הָוֵי קִדּוּשִׁין, דַּהֲרֵי הִיא בִּמְקוֹם אָבִיהָ עוֹמֶדֶת, אַף עַל גַּב שֶׁנּוֹתֵן לָהּ הַקִּדּוּשִׁין (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן תע"ט). וְאִם מְקַדְּשָׁהּ בִּשְׁטָר, כּוֹתֵב בַּשְּׁטָר: "בִּתְּךְ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי", וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁנּוֹתֵן לָהּ אוֹמֵר לָהּ: "הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי" (שָׁם בְּהָרַ"ן). וְאִם שִׁנָּה בִּדְבָרִים אֵלּוּ, אֲפִלּוּ הָכִי הָוְיָא מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת (שָׁם). וּכְשֶׁשּׁוֹלְחִים הַבָּנוֹת הַקְּטַנּוֹת לְמָקוֹם אַחֵר, וְאֵין הָאָב אֶצְלָן כְּשֶׁמְּקַבְּלִין לְקִדּוּשֵׁיהֶן, הוֹאִיל וֶהֱכִינָהּ לְהַכְנִיסָהּ לְחֻפָּה וּלְקִידוּשִׁין הָוֵי כְּאִלּוּ מַחֲזִיק בְּיָדָהּ בִּשְׁעַת קַבָּלָה דָּמְיָא (פִּסְקֵי מהרא"י סִימָן ל"ג):

7 Just like a father is able to betroth her [to someone else] himself, he is able to betroth her using a messenger, or by himself as he can tell her, "Go out and accept your betrothal." Rema: and he needs to say this to her in front of witnesses, since accepting a messenger requires witnesses (Piskei Mahari Siman 50) as was explained earlier (35:3). And if it was revealed to everyone that she was prepared for the Chuppah and to receive the betrothal, it is like he said it to her in front of witnesses (Rivash Siman 479). And there is no difference between a na'arah and a ketanah (Ran Ch. 1 Kiddushin), and this is the main [opinion]. But some disagree and say that a ketanah is unable to accept betrothal, only the father himself can receive it (Rif and Mordechai in the name of the Ram). In order to remove himself from dispute, the father should hold the ketanah's hand when she receives the betrothal, or stand next to her when she receives it, so that it will be as if he accepted it himself (Kol Bo and Terumat HaDeshen Siman 213). And this is better than one who receives it himself since some say it is forbidden to betroth one's daughter [when she is] a ketanah (Terumat HaDeshen ibid.) as will be explained shortly. And when a man betroths a ketanah, he says to her, "Behold you are betrothed to me" (Ran Ch. 1 Kiddushin). And if he says, "Your daughter is betrothed to me," it is a betrothal, since she is standing in her father's place, even though he is giving her the betrothal (Rivash Siman 479). And if he betroths her with a document, he writes in the document, "Your daughter is betrothed to me" and when he gives it to her, he says to her, "Behold you are betrothed to me" (Ran ibid.). And if he changed these things, even so it is a valid betrothal (ibid.). And when the girls who are ketanot are sent to another place where the fathers are not next to them when they receive betrothals, since he prepared her to enter the Chuppah and [to receive] the betrothal, it is as though he is holding her hand when she receives [the betrothal] (Piskei Mahari Siman 33).

ח מִצְוָה שֶׁלֹּא יְקַדֵּשׁ בִּתּוֹ כְּשֶׁהִיא קְטַנָּה, עַד שֶׁתַּגְדִּיל וְתֹאמַר: בִּפְלוֹנִי אֲנִי רוֹצָה. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּנוֹהֲגִין בַּזְּמַן הַזֶּה לְקַדֵּשׁ בְּנוֹתֵינוּ הַקְּטַנּוֹת, מִשּׁוּם שֶׁאָנוּ בַּגָּלוּת וְאֵין לָנוּ תָּמִיד סִפּוּק כְּדֵי צָרְכֵי נְדוּנְיָא; גַּם אָנוּ מְתֵי מְעַט, וְאֵין מוֹצְאִין תָּמִיד זִוּוּג הָגוּן (תּוֹסָפוֹת רֵישׁ הָאִישׁ מְקַדֵּשׁ). וְכֵן נוֹהֲגִין:

8 It is a mitzvah to not marry off one's daughter when she is a ketanah [younger than 12 years old] until she grows up enough to say, "I want so and so." Rema: And some say, that today's custom is to marry off daughters who are ketanot because we are in exile and don't always have enough for a dowry. Also, we are few in number and can't always find a fitting mate (Tosfot beginning of Ch. HaEesh Mikadesh). And this is our custom.

ט הָאָב שֶׁנָּתַן רְשׁוּת לִשְׁלוּחוֹ לְקַדֵּשׁ בִּתּוֹ, וְהָלַךְ הוּא וְקִדְּשָׁהּ לְאַחֵר, וּשְׁלוּחוֹ קִדְּשָׁהּ לְאַחֵר, אֵיזֶה מֵהֶם שֶׁקָּדַם הֲווּ קִדּוּשִׁין. וְאִם אֵינוֹ יָדוּעַ אֵיזֶה קוֹדֵם, אֲסוּרָה לִשְׁנֵיהֶם וּצְרִיכָה גֵּט מִשְּׁנֵיהֶם:

9 The father who gave permission to his messenger to betroth his daughter, and [the father] went and betrothed her to another while the messenger betrothed her to another man, whichever [betrothal] happened first is the betrothal. And if it is unknown which one came first, she is forbidden to both of them [the two men] and needs a bill of divorce from both of them.

י אִי שַׁוֵּי שָׁלִיחַ אַחֲרִינָא, וְלָא בַּטְּלֵהּ לְשָׁלִיחַ רִאשׁוֹן בְּפֵרוּשׁ, וַאֲזַל כָּל חַד מִנַּיְהוּ וְקִדֵּשׁ, בָּעֲיָא גֵּט מִתַּרְוַיְהוּ:

10 If he appointed another messenger without explicitly nullifying the first messenger's job, and each one of them went and betrothed her, she needs a bill of divorce from both of them.

יא קְטַנָּה אוֹ נַעֲרָה שֶׁקִּדְּשָׁה עַצְמָהּ בְּלֹא דַּעַת אָבִיהָ, אוֹ נִשֵּׂאת, אֵינוֹ כְּלוּם. וַאֲפִלּוּ מֵאוּן אֵינָהּ צְרִיכָה. וַאֲפִלּוּ שִׁדְּכָהּ אָבִיהָ תְּחִלָּה. וַאֲפִלּוּ נִתְרַצָּה הָאָב בְּפֵרוּשׁ אַחַר הַקִּדּוּשִׁין. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁאִם נִתְרַצָּה הָאָב כְּשֶׁשָּׁמַע, הֲווּ קִדּוּשִׁין מִשְּׁעַת שְׁמִיעָה, אֲפִלּוּ אִם לֹא שִׁדֵּךְ; וַאֲפִלּוּ אִם לֹא נִתְרַצָּה מִיָּד כְּשֶׁשָּׁמַע, אֶלָּא שָׁתַק וְלֹא מִחָה וְאַחַר כָּךְ נִתְרַצָּה, הוֹכִיחַ סוֹפוֹ עַל תְּחִלָּתוֹ וְהֲווּ קִדּוּשִׁין מִשְּׁעַת שְׁמִיעָה, אֲפִלּוּ נִתְאַכְּלוּ הַמָּעוֹת קֹדֶם שְׁמִיעָה. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאִם נִתְאַכְּלוּ הַמָּעוֹת קֹדֶם, לָא הָוֵי קִדּוּשִׁין (מָרְדְּכַי פֶּרֶק הָאִישׁ מְקַדֵּשׁ בְּשֵׁם רַשְׁבַּ"ם וְראבי"ה וְרַאֲבַ"ן). בַּמֶּה דְבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, כְּשֶׁלֹּא מִחֲתָה הִיא אוֹ אָבִיהָ קֹדֶם שֶׁנִּתְרַצָּה, אֲבָל אִם מִחֲתָה הִיא אוֹ אָבִיהָ קֹדֶם שֶׁנִּתְרַצָּה, לָא הֲווּ קִדּוּשִׁין אֲפִלּוּ נִתְרַצָּה הָאָב אַחַר כָּךְ. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאִם שָׁמַע הָאָב וְשָׁתַק וְלֹא מִחָה מִיָּד, הָוֵי כְּאִלּוּ נִתְרַצָּה (שָׁם). וְאִם לֹא שָׁמַע הָאָב, אוֹ שֶׁהָלַךְ לִמְדִינַת הַיָּם וְנִתְגַּדְּלָה הַבַּת וְשָׁתְקָה וְלֹא מִחֲתָה, גָּדְלוּ הַקִּדּוּשִׁין עִמָּהּ וּצְרִיכָה גֵּט (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן תע"ט). וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּבָעִינָן שֶׁבָּעַל אַחַר שֶׁנִּתְגַּדְּלָה (הָרַשְׁבָּ"א סִימָן אֶלֶף רי"ט). וְיֵשׁ לְהַחֲמִיר כַּסְּבָרָא הָרִאשׁוֹנָה:

11 A ketanah or na'arah who betrothed herself off without her father's knowledge, or married herself off, did not do anything. She does not even need to refuse [the man she betrothed]. Even if her father arranged it first. And even if her father explicitly expressed desire [for this betrothal] after the betrothal. And some say that if the father expressed desire for it when he heard about it, it is a betrothal from when he heard about it, even if he did not arrange it. And even if he did not express desire immediately when he heard, but was silent and did not protest, and afterwards expressed desire, his later [intentions] show [what] his original [intentions were] and it is a betrothal from the time that he heard about it, even if the money was spent before he heard about it. Rema: And some say that if the money was spent before, it is not a betrothal (Mordechai Ch. HaEesh Mekadesh in the name of the Rashbam and Raviah and Ra'avan). What case are we talking about? When neither she nor her father protested before desire was expressed, but if she or her father protested before desire was expressed, it is not a betrothal even if her father expresses desire afterwards. Rema: And some say that if the father heard and was silent and did not protest immediately, it is as though he expressed desire (ibid.). And if the father did not hear or he want overseas and the girl grew up and was silent and did not protest, the betrothal grows with her and she needs a bill of divorce (Rivash siman 479). And some say that we need [her husband] to cohabit with her after she grew up (Rashbah Siman 1219). And one should be stringent like the first opinion.

יב קְטַנָּה שֶׁקִּדְּשָׁה עַצְמָהּ לְמִי שֶׁגִּלָּה הָאָב דַּעְתּוֹ שֶׁהָיָה חָפֵץ לְקַדְּשָׁהּ, חַיְשִׁינָן שֶׁמָּא נִתְרַצָּה:

12 A ketanah who betrothed herself to someone who her father revealed that he wanted her to marry, we suspect that maybe he expressed desire [for the betrothal to be valid].

יג נִתְקַדְּשָׁה לְדַעַת אָבִיהָ, וְנִשֵּׂאת שֶׁלֹּא לְדַעְתּוֹ, בֵּין שֶׁאָבִיהָ כָּאן בֵּין שֶׁהָלַךְ לִמְדִינַת הַיָּם, אֵינָם נִשּׂוּאִין. וְאִם מֵתָה, אֵינוֹ יוֹרְשָׁהּ וְאֵינוֹ מִטַּמֵּא לָהּ. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּהוּא הַדִּין אִם מֵת הָאָב קֹדֶם שֶׁנִּשֵּׂאת, וְנִשֵּׂאת (כֵּן מַשְׁמַע בַּמָּרְדְּכַי פֶּרֶק ב' דְּקִדּוּשִׁין בְּשֵׁם מִקְצָת רַבּוֹתֵינוּ):

13 If she was betrothed with the knowledge of her father, but married without his knowledge, whether her father was here or overseas, they are not married. And if she died, he does not inherit her and cannot become impure for her. And some say that the same is true if her father died before they were married, and then they married. (this is implied by the Mordechai Ch. 2 Kiddushin in the name of some of our Rabbis).

יד קְטַנָּה שֶׁהָלַךְ אָבִיהָ לִמְדִינַת הַיָּם, וְהִשִּׂיאוּהָ אָחֶיהָ וְאִמָּהּ, הֲווּ קִדּוּשִׁין וּצְרִיכָה מֵאוּן. וְכִי אָתֵי אָבִיהָ לָא בָּעֲיָא קִדּוּשִׁין אֲחֵרִים. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁאֵינָן קִדּוּשִׁין, וַאֲפִלּוּ מֵאוּן אֵינָהּ צְרִיכָה. וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם אֵין לְאָסְרָהּ עָלָיו מִשּׁוּם דְּתֵחָשֵׁב כִּפְנוּיָה וְעוֹמֶדֶת אֶצְלוֹ בִּזְנוּת, כֵּיוָן שֶׁדֶּרֶךְ קִידוּשִׁין וְנִשּׂוּאִין הִיא אֶצְלוֹ. הַגָּה: וַאֲפִלּוּ בָּא הָאָב וּמִחָה, אֵין לְאָסְרָהּ עָלָיו וְאֵין בִּיאָתוֹ בִּיאַת זְנוּת, וְיָכוֹל לְעַכְּבָהּ אֶצְלוֹ עַד שֶׁתַּגְדִּיל וְיִגָּמְרוּ קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ, אֶלָּא שֶׁאִם קִדְּשָׁהּ הָאָב לְאַחֵר קֹדֶם שֶׁתַּגְדִּיל, צְרִיכָה גֵּט מִתַּרְוַיְהוּ (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן קצ"ג, וְשָׁם כָּתוּב דִּצְרִיכָה גֵּט מֵהַשֵּׁנִי, וְהָרַב פָּסַק דִּצְרִיכָה מִתַּרְוַיְהוּ) וְיֵשׁ לְהַחֲמִיר כַּסְּבָרָא הָרִאשׁוֹנָה. וְיֵשׁ מַחֲמִירִים עוֹד לוֹמַר דְּכָל שֶׁאָבִיהָ בִּמְדִינַת הַיָּם, אֲפִלּוּ קִדְּשָׁה קְטַנָּה עַצְמָהּ חַיְשִׁינָן שֶׁמָּא אִם שָׁמַע הָאָב הָוֵי מִתְרַצֶּה, וְהָוֵי סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת (מָרְדְּכַי פֶּרֶק הָאִישׁ מְקַדֵּשׁ) מַעֲשֶׂה בְּאֶחָד שֶׁגִּירַשׁ אִשְׁתּוֹ, וּפָסַק עִמָּהּ שֶׁהִיא תְּטַפֵּל בִּבְנוֹתָיו לְזוּנָן וּלְהַגְדִּילָן וּלְהַשִּׂיאָן, וְכֵן עָשְׂתָה, וּבָא הָאָב וּמִחָה בְּנִשּׂוּאֵי בְּנוֹתָיו הַקְּטַנּוֹת, וּפָסְקוּ דְּאִם צִוָּה לְהַשִּׂיאָן וּלְהַגְדִּילָן, מַה שֶּׁעָשְׂתָה עָשׂוּי וְאֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לִמְחוֹת, וּבִלְבַד שֶׁצִּוָּה כֵּן לִפְנֵי עֵדִים, כִּי שְׁלִיחַ קַבָּלָה צָרִיךְ עֵדִים, כְּמוֹ שֶׁנִּתְבָּאֵר לְעֵיל סִימָן ל"ה סָעִיף ג'. אֲבָל אִם אָמַר שֶׁיְּהֵא כֹּחַ בְּיָדָהּ לְהַשִּׂיאָן כְּשֶׁיִּגְדְּלוּ, וְהִיא הִשִּׂיאָן בְּקַטְנוּתָן, אֵין בְּמַעֲשֶׂיהָ כְּלוּם וְיוּכַל לִמְחוֹת, דַּהֲרֵי שִׁנְּתָה מִמַּה שֶּׁצִּוָּה לָהּ (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן קצ"ג):

14 A ketanah whose father went overseas, and her brother or mother married her off, it is a betrothal and she would need to refuse [to marry]. And when her father comes, other betrothals are not a problem. And some say it is not a valid betrothal, and she would not even need to refuse. Nevertheless, she is not forbidden to him despite being unwed yet being with him improperly, since she was with him because of betrothal and marriage. Rema: And even if her father comes and protests, she is not forbidden [to the man her brother/mother married her to] and her cohabitation with him was not adulterous, and he is able to delay her [to stay with him] until she grows up in order to finish the betrothal. But if her father betroths her to someone else before she grows up, she needs a bill of divorce from both of them (Rivash siman 193, there it's written that she needs a bill of divorce from the second man, and the Rav decided that she needs a bill of divorce from both of them) and one should be stringent like the first opinion. And some are even more stringent to say that any [girl] whose father went overseas, even if the ketanah betrothed herself, we suspect that maybe if the father heard about it he would express desire for it, so the betrothal is in doubt (Mordechai Ch. HaEesh Mekadesh). There is a story about one who divorced his wife and decided with her that she should take care of his daughters to feed them, raise them, and marry them off, and so she did. The father came and protested the marriage of his daughters who were ketanot and they decided that since he commanded [his wife] to marry off and raise them, then what was done was done and he could not protest, so long as he commanded [her] in front of witnesses because appointed a messenger requires witnesses, as was explained earlier (35:3). But if he said that she would have the power to marry them when they were grown, and she married them off when they were ketanot her actions were nothing and he is able to protest, since she changed from what he commanded her (Rivash Siman 193).

טו הַמְקַדֵּשׁ בִּתּוֹ, סְתָם, אוֹ שֶׁאָמַר לוֹ: אַחַת מִבְּנוֹתֶיךָ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי, אֵין הַבּוֹגֶרֶת בִּכְלָל, אֲפִלּוּ נָתְנָה לוֹ רְשׁוּת לְקַבֵּל קִדּוּשֶׁיהָ וְשֶׁיִּהְיֶה הַכֶּסֶף שֶׁלּוֹ. וְדַוְקָא דְּשַׁוִּיתֵהּ שָׁלִיחַ לְקַבֵּל קִדּוּשִׁין, סְתָם, וְלֹא אָמְרָה: מִפְּלוֹנִי, אֲבָל אָמְרָה: מִפְּלוֹנִי, גַּם הִיא סָפֵק מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת, וּשְׁאָר הַבּוֹגְרוֹת אֵינָן בִּכְלָל:

15 One who betrothes his daughter, generally (without specifying which daughter) or if he says: "One of your daughters is betrothed to me," this does not include grown daughters. Even if she gave him permission to receive her betrothal [money] and the money will be his. This is specifically when made him an agent to receive her betrothal generally, and did not say "from X." But if she said "from X" she is possibly betrothed, and other grown girls are not included.

טז מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ שְׁתֵּי בָּנוֹת, אֲפִלּוּ שְׁתֵּיהֶם קְטַנּוֹת, וְשִׁדֵּךְ אַחַת מֵהֶן לְאֶחָד, וְאַחַר זְמַן קִבֵּל מִמֶּנּוּ קִדּוּשִׁין וְאָמַר, סְתָם: "בִּתְּךָ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי", אֲפִלּוּ הָיוּ עֲסוּקִים בָּהּ, שְׁתֵּיהֶן אֲסוּרוֹת לוֹ וּצְרִיכוֹת גֵּט מִמֶּנּוּ. הַגָּה: וַאֲפִלּוּ חָזַר תּוֹךְ כְּדֵי דִּבּוּר וּפֵרַשׁ: "בִּתְּךְ פְּלוֹנִית", אֵינוֹ מוֹעִיל (מָרְדְּכַי רֵישׁ קִדּוּשִׁין בְּשֵׁם ראבי"ה). וְכָל כִּי הַאי גַּוְנָא דַּהֲווּ קִדּוּשִׁין שֶׁלֹּא נִמְסְרוּ לְבִיאָה, כּוֹפִין אֹתוֹ לְגָרֵשׁ (רַשְׁבָּ"א רל"ו). הַמְקַדֵּשׁ אֶת בִּתּוֹ, סְתָם, אֵין הַבּוֹגֶרֶת בִּכְלָל:

16 If one has two daughters, even two ketanot, and arranges to marry off one of them to someone, and after some time, he receives the betrothal from him, where he simply says, "Your daughter is betrothed to me." Even if they were discussing her, the two [daughters] are forbidden from him and need a bill of divorce from him. Rema: And even if the man immediately explained, "your daughter, so and so," it does not help (Mordechai beginning of Kiddushin in the name of Raviah). And any case of betrothal like this where they are not given over for cohabitation, he is forced to give a bill of divorce (Rashbah 236). One who betroths his daughter, simply, A bogeret is not in this rule.

יז מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ שְׁתֵּי כִּתֵּי בָּנוֹת מִשְּׁתֵּי נָשִׁים, וְכֻלָּן בִּרְשׁוּת שֶׁלוֹ לְקַדְּשָׁן, וְאָמַר לַמְקַדֵּשׁ בִּשְׁעַת הַקִּדּוּשִׁין: קִדַּשְׁתִּי לְךָ אֶת בִּתִּי הַגְּדוֹלָה, וְאֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם גְּדוֹלָה שֶׁבַּגְּדוֹלוֹת אוֹ גְּדוֹלָה שֶׁבַּקְּטַנּוֹת, אִם קְטַנָּה שֶׁבַּגְּדוֹלוֹת שֶׁהִיא גְּדוֹלָה מִן הַגְּדוֹלָה שֶׁבַּקְּטַנּוֹת, כֻּלָּן מֻתָּרוֹת חוּץ מִן הַגְּדוֹלָה שֶׁבַּגְּדוֹלוֹת:

17 So too if he said to him: I rendered my young daughter betrothed, but I do not know if it was the youngest of the young ones or the youngest of the old ones, if she is the biggest of the youngest, which is younger than the youngest of the oldest, they are all permitted, other than the youngest of the young ones.

יח וְכֵן אִם אָמַר לוֹ: קִדַּשְׁתִּי אֶת בִּתִּי הַקְּטַנָּה, וְאֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם קְטַנָּה שֶׁבַּקְּטַנּוֹת אִם קְטַנָּה שֶׁבַּגְּדוֹלוֹת, אִם גְּדוֹלָה שֶׁבַּקְּטַנּוֹת שֶׁהִיא קְטַנָּה מִן הַקְּטַנָּה שֶׁבַּגְּדוֹלוֹת, כֻּלָּן מֻתָּרוֹת חוּץ מִן הַקְּטַנָּה שֶׁבַּקְּטַנּוֹת:

18 Similarly, if he said to him I married off my young daughter, and we do not know if he meant the youngest of the young daughters or youngest of the older daughters, or even the oldest of the younger daughters who is younger than the youngest of the older daughters, all are permitted except for the youngest of the young daughters.

יט מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ חֲמִשָּׁה בָּנִים וְעָשׂוּ כֻּלָּם אֶת אֲבִיהֶם שָׁלִיחַ לְקַדֵּשׁ לָהֶם, וְאָמַר אֲבִי הַבָּנִים לְמִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ חָמֵשׁ בָּנוֹת: אַחַת מִבְּנוֹתֶיךָ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לְאֶחָד מִבָּנַי, וְקִבֵּל הָאָב הַקִּדּוּשִׁין, כָּל אַחַת צְרִיכָה גֵּט מִכָּל הָאַחִים. מֵת אֶחָד מֵהֶם, כָּל אַחַת צְרִיכָה אַרְבָּעָה גִּטִּין וַחֲלִיצָה מֵאֶחָד מֵהֶם:

19 He who has five sons, and all made their father their agent to betroth for them, and the father of the sons said to a man who had five daughters, "One of your daughters is betrothed to one of my sons," and he (the latter) accepted kiddushin, every daughter needs a get from every brother. If one of the brothers died, every daughter needs 4 gets (i.e. one get from each of the remaining brothers) and chalitza from one of the brothers.

כ הָאָב שֶׁאָמַר: קִדַּשְׁתִּי אֶת בִּתִּי וְאֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ לְמִי, אֲסוּרָה לְכָל הָעוֹלָם עַד שֶׁיֹּאמַר: נוֹדַע לִי לְמִי קִדַּשְׁתִּי. אֲפִלּוּ לֹא נוֹדַע לוֹ עַד שֶׁבָּגְרָה. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאִם הֶחָתָן עָמַד לְפָנָיו תְּחִילָה וְלֹא הִכִּירוֹ, וְאַחַר כָּךְ אָמַר שֶׁמַּכִּירוֹ, אֵינוֹ נֶאֱמָן (בֵּית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם הַתּוֹסָפוֹת):

20 A father who said, "I have betrothed (accepted kiddushin for) my daughter, but do not know to whom, she is forbidden to the entire world until he says, "I know to whom I betrothed her," even if he did not recall until she reached the age of majority. Rema: Some authorities say that if the [identified] groom had stood before him initially and he (the father) did not recognize him, and he (the father) later said that he recognizes him [as the groom], he is not believed (Beit Yosef in the name of Tosafot).

כא בָּא אֶחָד וְאָמַר בִּפְנֵי הָאָב (הָרַ"ן וְרַבֵּינוּ יְרוּחָם): אֲנִי קִדַּשְׁתִּיהָ, נֶאֱמָן, וּמֻתֶּרֶת לוֹ, כֵּיוָן שֶׁהָאָב אוֹמֵר: אֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ. וּכְשֶׁכּוֹנְסָהּ, אֵינוֹ צָרִיךְ לְקַדְּשָׁהּ. אֲבָל אִם הָאָב מַכְחִישׁוֹ, יֵשׁ מִי שֶׁאוֹמֵר שֶׁאֵינוֹ נֶאֱמָן אֲפִלּוּ לְהַצְרִיכָהּ גֵּט:

21 If a man came Rema: and said in front of her father, "I have betrothed her," he is believed, and she may live with him, since her father says, "I do not know." When he marries her he need not first betroth her. If the father contradicts him, some authorities say that he is not believed, and she [may wed another man] without a writ of divorce.

כב בָּאוּ שְׁנַיִם וְכָל אֶחָד אוֹמֵר: אֲנִי קִדַּשְׁתִּיהָ, שְׁנֵיהֶם נוֹתְנִין גֵּט. וְאִם רָצוּ, אֶחָד נוֹתֵן גֵּט וְאֶחָד כּוֹנֵס. וְצָרִיךְ קִדּוּשִׁין כְּשֶׁכּוֹנְסָהּ, מֵאַחַר שֶׁנִּתְגָּרְשָׁה כְּבָר מֵאַחֵר (הָרַ"ן וְהָרַשְׁבָּ"א):

22 If two came forward and each said, "I betrothed her," each of the two give her a get. If they so desire, one gives a get, and one marries her. Rema: She needs [repeat] kiddushin when he brings her inside [the chupah], since she has been divorced from another man (Ran and Rashba).

כג בָּא אֶחָד וּכְנָסָהּ, וְאַחַר כָּךְ בָּא אַחֵר וְאָמַר: אֲנִי קִדַּשְׁתִּיהָ, אֵינוֹ נֶאֱמָן לְאָסְרָהּ עָלָיו. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דַּאֲפִלּוּ לֹא כְּנָסָהּ מַמָּשׁ, אֶלָּא כֵּיוָן שֶׁהִתִּירוּהָ לִכָּנֵס כִּכְנָסָהּ דָּמֵי:

23 If one came and brought her in[to marriage], and another came and said, "I betrothed her," he is not believed to make her forbidden to him. And there are those who say that even if he had not actually brought her in, but since he permitted her to come in, it is as if he brought her in.

כד הָאִשָּׁה שֶׁאָמְרָה: קִדַּשְׁתִּי אֶת עַצְמִי וְאֵינִי יוֹדַעַת לְמִי, וּבָא אֶחָד וְאָמַר: אֲנִי קִדַּשְׁתִּיךְ, נֶאֱמָן לִתֵּן לָהּ גֵּט לְהַתִּירָהּ לְעָלְמָא, אֲבָל לֹא לְכָנְסָהּ. וְאִם כְּנָסָהּ, אֵין מוֹצִיאִין מִיָּדוֹ. וְאִם יֵשׁ עֵד אֶחָד שֶׁהוּא קִדְּשָׁהּ, מֻתָּר לְכָנְסָהּ לְכַתְּחִילָה (רַ"ן פֶּרֶק הָאוֹמֵר):

24 If a woman said, "I betrothed myself, and I don't know to whom," and someone came and said, "I betrothed her," he is believed to [the extent that] he can give her a *get* [bill of divorce] to permit her to the world, but not to [the extent that] he can bring her in [to marriage]. And if he did bring her in, we don't take her out of his hand. And if there is one witness to the fact that he betrothed her, he is permitted to bring her in in the first instance (Ra"n on Chapter "One who says").

כה הָאָב שֶׁאָמַר עַל בִּתּוֹ בְּעוֹדָהּ קְטַנָּה אוֹ נַעֲרָה: קִדַּשְׁתִּיהָ וְגֵרַשְׁתִּיהָ, נֶאֱמָן לְפָסְלָהּ מִן הַכְּהֻנָּה. וְדַוְקָא שֶׁאָמַר: גֵּרַשְׁתִּיהָ, תּוֹךְ כְּדֵי דִּבּוּר לְקִדַּשְׁתִּיהָ, אֲבָל הֵיכָא שֶׁהֻחְזְקָה אֵשֶׁת אִישׁ עַל פִּיו, אֵינוֹ נֶאֱמָן לוֹמַר לְאַחַר זְמַן; גֵּרַשְׁתִּיהָ:

25 A father who said about his daughter when she was a *ketanah* [minor girl] or a *na'arah* [adolescent girl], "I betrothed her, and I divorced her," he is believed to invalidate her from [marrying into] the priesthood. And this is only if he said "I divorced her" within a very short time of "I betrothed her," but if she acquired the status of a married woman on his word, he is not believed to say after time [has passed], "I divorced her."

כו אִם אַחַר שֶׁבָּגְרָה אָמַר: קִדַּשְׁתִּיהָ וְגֵרַשְׁתִּיהָ כְּשֶׁהָיְתָה קְטַנָּה, אֵינוֹ נֶאֱמָן:

26 If, after she attained majority, he said, "I betrothed her, and I divorced her, when she was a minor," he is not believed.

כז אָב שֶׁאָמַר שֶׁקִּדֵּשׁ בִּתּוֹ, וְאַחַר כָּךְ קִדְּשָׁהּ לְאַחֵר וְאָמַר: קִדּוּשֵׁי רִאשׁוֹן הָיוּ בִּפְסוּלֵי עֵדוּת דְּאוֹרָיְתָא וְאֵינָם כְּלוּם, נֶאֱמָן. וְלִי נִרְאֶה, דַּוְקָא תּוֹךְ כְּדֵי דִּבּוּר נֶאֱמָן, וּכְמוֹ שֶׁנִּתְבָּאֵר בְּסָמוּךְ סָעִיף כ"ה:

27 A father who said that he had betrothed his daughter, and after that, he betrothed her to someone else and said, "The original betrothal was with [witnesses who were] invalid for testimony according to Torah law, and was [therefore] naught," is believed. And it seems to me, that only if he said it within a short time is he believed, as is explained nearby, in Sa'if 25.

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