Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer Siman 55

Siman 55

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א הָאֲרוּסָה, אֲסוּרָה לְבַעֲלָהּ מִדִּבְרֵי סוֹפְרִים, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁהִיא בְּבֵית אָבִיהָ; וְהַבָּא עַל אֲרוּסָתוֹ בְּבֵית חָמִיו, מַכִּין אוֹתוֹ מַכַּת מַרְדּוּת. הַגָּה: וַאֲפִלּוּ בְּיִחוּד אֲסוּרִים; וְלָכֵן אָרוּס שֶׁהוּא עִם אֲרוּסָתוֹ בְּבַיִת אֶחָד, מְבָרְכִין שֶׁבַע בְּרָכוֹת פֶּן יִתְיַחֲדוּ (מָרְדְּכַי פֶּרֶק קַמָּא דִּכְתֻבּוֹת). וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאֵין לָהֶם לָדוּר בְּיַחַד, שֶׁמָּא יָקוּצוּ זֶה בָּזֶה (כָּל בּוֹ). וַאֲפִלּוּ בְּשִׁדּוּכִין בְּלֹא אֵרוּסִין יֵשׁ לָחוּשׁ (חִדּוּשֵׁי אֲגֻדָּה פֶּרֶק קַמָּא דִּכְתֻבּוֹת). אֲפִלּוּ אִם קִדְּשָׁהּ בְּבִיאָה, אָסוּר לוֹ לָבוֹא עָלֶיהָ בִּיאָה שְׁנִיָּה בְּבֵית אָבִיהָ, עַד שֶׁיָּבִיא אוֹתָהּ לְתוֹךְ בֵּיתוֹ וְיִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ וְיַפְרִישֶׁנָּה לוֹ; וְיִחוּד זֶה הוּא נִקְרָא כְּנִיסָה לְחֻפָּה, וְהוּא הַנִּקְרָא נִשּׂוּאִין בְּכָל מָקוֹם. וְהַבָּא עַל אֲרוּסָתוֹ לְשֵׁם נִשּׂוּאִין, אַחַר שֶׁקִּדְּשָׁהּ, מִשֶּׁיְּעָרֶה בָּהּ, קְנָאָהּ, וְנַעֲשֵׂית נְשׂוּאָה וַהֲרֵי הִיא כְּאִשְׁתּוֹ לְכָל דָּבָר. וְצָרִיךְ לְבָרֵךְ בִּרְכַּת חֲתָנִים בְּבֵית הֶחָתָן קֹדֶם הַנִּשּׂוּאִין. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּחֻפָּה אֵינוֹ יִחוּד, אֶלָּא כָּל שֶׁהֱבִיאָהּ הֶחָתָן לְבֵיתוֹ לְשֵׁם נִשּׂוּאִין (כֵּן כָּתַב הָרַ"ן בְּשֵׁם יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים רֵישׁ כְּתֻבּוֹת). וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁהַחֻפָּה הִיא שֶׁפּוֹרְסִין סוּדָר עַל רֹאשָׁהּ בִּשְׁעַת הַבְּרָכָה (הַבֵּית יוֹסֵף הֱבִיאוֹ). וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּחֻפַּת בְּתוּלָה מִשֶּׁיָּצְאָה בְּהִינוּמָא; וְאַלְמָנָה, מִשֶּׁנִּתְיַחֲדוּ (תּוֹסָפוֹת פֶּרֶק קַמָּא דְּיוֹמָא). וְהַמִּנְהָג פָּשׁוּט עַכְשָׁו לִקְרוֹת חֻפָּה מָקוֹם שֶׁמַּכְנִיסִים שָׁם יְרִיעָה פְּרוּסָה עַל גַּבֵּי כְּלוֹנָסוֹת, וּמַכְנִיסִים תַּחְתֶּיהָ הֶחָתָן וְהַכַּלָּה בָּרַבִּים, וּמְקַדְּשָׁהּ שָׁם וּמְבָרְכִין שָׁם בִּרְכַּת אֵרוּסִין וְנִשּׂוּאִין, וְאַחַר כָּךְ מוֹלִיכִים אוֹתָם לְבֵיתָם וְאוֹכְלִים בְּיַחַד בְּמָקוֹם צָנוּעַ, וְזֶהוּ הַחֻפָּה הַנּוֹהֶגֶת עַכְשָׁו. וְעַיֵּן לְקַמָּן סִימָן ס"ב סְעִיף ט' וְסִימָן ס"א:
1 One who is merely engaged is forbidden to her husband according to the rabbis while she is still in her father's house, and one who has relations with his fiancee in his father-in-laws house receives lashes from the rabbis. Rema: They are even forbidden to be secluded and therefore if an engaged couple are living together, they say the seven brachot lest they become secluded (Mordechai First Chapter of Ketubot). There are those who say they should not live together lest they become repulsed by one another. Even with couples that are not engaged there is concern, even if they became engaged through relations, he cannot sleep with her a second time in her father's house until he brings her into his house, is secluded with her and separates her for himself, and this seclusion is known as entering into the Chuppah and it is called marriage in all places. One who sleeps with his fiancee for the purposes of marriage after he engaged her, once he enters her he has acquired her and she is married to him and is his wife, and they must say the Groom's blessings in the grooms house before the marriage. Rema: There are those who say that the chuppah is not considered seclusion rather the groom must bring her into his house for the purposes of marriage (Thus says the Ran at the beginning of Ketubot) And there are those who say that the Chuppah is when they spread a cloth over her head at the time of the blessing, and there are those who say that a virgin's chuppah is when she goes out in a headdress and for a widow when they become secluded. The simple custom nowadays to call the chuppah a place where they place a cloth on poles and bring the groom and bride underneath in public and he engages her there and they say the blessings of engagement and marriage and then they walk them to their house and they eat together in a secluded places, this is how the chuppah is done now.
ב הַמְאָרֵס אֶת הָאִשָּׁה וּבֵרַךְ בִּרְכַּת חֲתָנִים, וְלֹא נִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ בְּבֵיתוֹ, עֲדַיִן אֲרוּסָה הִיא. שֶׁאֵין בִּרְכַּת חֲתָנִים עוֹשָׂה הַנִּשּׂוּאִין, אֶלָּא כְּנִיסָה לָחֻפָּה:
2 One who betroths a woman and says the blessing of bridegrooms, but has not been secluded with her in his house, she is still betrothed. For [it is] not the blessing of bridegrooms that effects marriage, rather bringing [the bride] under the marriage canopy [effects marriage].
ג אֵרַס וְכָנַס לָחֻפָּה, וְלֹא בֵּרַךְ בִּרְכַּת חֲתָנִים, הֲרֵי זוֹ נְשׂוּאָה גְּמוּרָה, וְחוֹזֵר וּמְבָרֵךְ אֲפִלּוּ אַחַר כַּמָּה יָמִים. וְצָרִיךְ לִכְתֹּב כְּתֻבָּה קֹדֶם כְּנִיסָה לַחֻפָּה, וְאַחַר כָּךְ יִהְיֶה מֻתָּר בְּאִשְׁתּוֹ:
3 If he betrothed [her] and brought [her] under the marriage canopy, and did not recite the blessing of bridegrooms, behold she is entirely married, and he returns and recites the blessing even after several days. And he must write a ketubah before bringing [her] under the marriage canopy, and afterwards his wife is permitted to him.
ד אֵין הָאָרוּס חַיָּב בִּמְזוֹנוֹת אֲרוּסָתוֹ, אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן הָיְתָה בַּת הַנִּזֹּנֶת מֵהָאַחִין, שֶׁהֲרֵי אֵין לָהּ מְזוֹנוֹת מֵאָחֶיהָ אֶלָּא עַד שֶׁתִּתְאָרֵס אוֹ עַד שֶׁתִּבְגֹּר, וְזוֹ אֵינָהּ בּוֹגֶרֶת כְּדֵי שֶׁתָּזוּן עַצְמָהּ. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאֵינוֹ חַיָּב בִּמְזוֹנוֹתֶיהָ כָּל עִקָּר (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרֹא"שׁ):
4 A fiance is not responsible to provide food for his betrothed, unless she is a daughter who is sustained by her brothers, because she is only entitled to be fed by her brothers until she is betrothed to until she reaches maturity, and in this case she is not mature so that she can provide for herself. Some authorities say that he is never responsible to provide food for her.
ה אֲרוּסָה שֶׁמֵּתָה, אִם הָיָה הָאָרוּס כֹּהֵן, אֵינוֹ מִטַּמֵּא לָהּ. וְאִם מֵת הוּא, אֵינָהּ חַיֶּבֶת לִטַּמֵּא לוֹ, וְאֵינוֹ יוֹרְשָׁהּ, וְאֵינוֹ חַיָּב בִּקְבוּרָתָהּ, אֶלָּא אָבִיהָ יוֹרְשָׁהּ וְאָבִיהָ קוֹבְרָהּ. וְהוּא הַדִּין אִם נְשָׂאָהּ בְּמָקוֹם שֶׁלֹּא זָכָה בִּנְדוּנְיָא (סְבָרַת הָרַב), כְּדֶרֶךְ שֶׁנִּתְבָּאֵר סוֹף סִימָן נ"ד. (וע"ל סי' ס"ט סְעִיף ה'):
5 If a betrothed woman died, if the fiance is a Kohen, he may not become impure for her. If he died, she is not obligated to become impure for him. He does not inherit her property, nor is he obligated to bury her; instead her father and her father's heirs must bury her. Rema: The same applies if she is married in a way that he did not acquire the dowry, as is explained above (Shulchan Arukh, Even HaEzer 54). (See also (Shulchan Arukh, Even HaEzer 69:5))
ו הַמְאָרֵס אֶת הָאִשָּׁה וְכָתַב לָהּ כְּתֻבָּה, וְלֹא כְּנָסָהּ לָחֻפָּה, עֲדַיִן אֲרוּסָה הִיא וְאֵינָהּ נְשׂוּאָה, שֶׁאֵין הַכְּתֻבָּה עוֹשָׂה נִשּׂוּאִין; וְאִם מֵת אוֹ גֵּרְשָׁהּ, גּוֹבָה עִקַּר כְּתֻבָּה מִבְּנֵי חוֹרִין, וְאֵינָהּ גּוֹבָה תּוֹסָפוֹת כְּלָל, הוֹאִיל וְלֹא כְּנָסָהּ. אֲבָל אִם אֵרֵס אִשָּׁה וְלֹא כָּתַב לָהּ כְּתֻבָּה, וּמֵת אוֹ גֵּרְשָׁהּ וְהִיא אֲרוּסָה, אֵין לָהּ כְּלוּם, וַאֲפִלּוּ הָעִקָּר, שֶׁלֹּא תִּקְּנוּ לָהּ עִקַּר כְּתֻבָּה עַד שֶׁתִּנָּשֵׂא אוֹ עַד שֶׁיִּכְתֹּב. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דַּאֲרוּסָה יֵשׁ לָהּ כְּתֻבָּה (הָרֹא"שׁ וְהָרַ"ן וְהַטּוּר), אֲבָל נוֹהֲגִין כַּסְּבָרָא הָרִאשׁוֹנָה:
6 If a man betrothed a woman and wrote a Ketubah and did not subsequently bring her to the marriage canopy, she she still considered betrothed an not married, because the Ketubah does not effect marriage. If he died or divorced her, she may collect the primary Ketubah from available properties, and she does not collect the excess at all because she was not married. If, however, a man betrothed a woman and did not wrote a Ketubah, and then he died or divorced while she was still betrothed, she get nothing, even the primary Ketubah, because [the Sages] only established the primary Ketubah for married women and in cases where it was written. Rema: Some authorities say that a betrothed woman does receive the Ketubah, but standard practice follows the first view.
ז הַמְאָרֵס אֶת בִּתּוֹ וְנִתְאַלְמְנָה אוֹ נִתְגָּרְשָׁה מִן הָאֵרוּסִין, אֲפִלּוּ כַּמָּה פְּעָמִים, קֹדֶם שֶׁתִּבְגֹּר, כְּתֻבָּתָהּ שֶׁל אָבִיהָ. נִשֵּׂאת, וְנִתְאַלְמְנָה אוֹ נִתְגָּרְשָׁה מִן הַנִּשּׂוּאִין, אֵין לְאָבִיהָ בָּהּ כְּלוּם, אֲפִלּוּ בָּרִאשׁוֹנָה:
7 If one betrothed his daughter [to a man] and she was widowed or divorced while still betrothed, even if this happened several times before she matured, her Ketubah is given to her father. If she married and was widowed or divorced from marriage, her father gets nothing even if it is the first time.
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