Shulchan Aruch, Even HaEzer Siman 76

Siman 76

Presented here for study, not as a practical ruling. The Shulchan Aruch rules by Sephardi custom, the Rema's glosses by Ashkenazi custom, and the Kitzur follows Ashkenazi custom. For a practical question, ask your rabbi.

א עוֹנָתָהּ כֵּיצַד, כָּל אִישׁ חַיָּב בְּעוֹנָה כְּפִי כֹּחוֹ וּכְפִי מְלַאכְתּוֹ. וְהַטַּיָּלִים, עוֹנָתָם בְּכָל לַיְלָה:

1 How does one fulfill his conjugal obligation? Every man is obligated to perform his marital duties according to his strength and according to his profession. Peddlers are obligated every night.

ב הַפּוֹעֲלִים, אִם הָיְתָה מְלַאכְתָּם בָּעִיר, פַּעֲמַיִם בַּשַּׁבָּת; וְאִם הָיְתָה מְלַאכְתָּם בְּעִיר אַחֶרֶת, פַּעַם אַחַת בַּשַּׁבָּת. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאִם אֵינָם לָנִין כָּל לַיְלָה בְּבֵיתָם, עוֹנָתָן לִשְׁמוֹנָה יָמִים (טוּר וְתוֹסָפוֹת בְּשֵׁם ר"י בַּר בָּרוּךְ). הַחַמָּרִים, פַּעַם אַחַת בַּשַּׁבָּת. הַגַּמָּלִים, אַחַת לִשְׁלשִׁים יוֹם. הַמַּלָּחִים, אַחַת לְשִׁשָּׁה חֳדָשִׁים. תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים, עוֹנָתָם פַּעַם אַחַת בַּשַּׁבָּת; וְדֶרֶךְ תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים לְשַׁמֵּשׁ מִטָּתָן מִלֵּילֵי שַׁבָּת לְלֵילֵי שַׁבָּת:

2 The laborers, if their work was in the city, twice a week; and if their work was in a different city, once a week. And there are those who say that if they were not sleeping the entire night in their homes, their period is eight days. The donkey drivers, once a week. The camel drivers, once every thirty days. The sailors, once every six months. Sages, their period is once a week. And the way of sages is to have sex from the night of Shabbat to the night of Shabbat.

ג בַּמֶּה דְבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, בְּמִי שֶׁגּוּפוֹ בָּרִיא וְיָכוֹל לְקַיֵּם הָעוֹנָה הַקְּצוּבָה לוֹ, אֲבָל מִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ בָּרִיא אֵינוֹ חַיָּב אֶלָּא לְפִי מַה שֶּׁאוֹמְדִין אוֹתוֹ שֶׁיָּכוֹל לְקַיֵּם:

3 In regard to what are we talking about, in regards to one whose body is healthy and is able to fulfill the fixed season, but one who is not healthy is only obligated according to what they estimate that he is able to fulfill.

ד כָּל אָדָם חַיָּב לִפְקֹד אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ בְּלֵיל טְבִילָתָהּ, וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁהוּא יוֹצֵא לַדֶּרֶךְ:

4 Each person is obligated to visit his wife on the night of her dipping [into the mikvah], and at the time that he goes on the way.

ה יֵשׁ לָאִשָּׁה לְעַכֵּב עַל בַּעֲלָהּ שֶׁלֹּא יֵצֵא לִסְחוֹרָה אֶלָּא לְמָקוֹם קָרוֹב, שֶׁלֹּא יִמָּנַע מֵעוֹנָתָהּ; וְלֹא יֵצֵא אֶלָּא בִּרְשׁוּתָהּ. וַאֲפִלּוּ אִם נוֹתֶנֶת לוֹ רְשׁוּת, אֵין לוֹ לְהִתְאַחֵר, אֶלָּא חֹדֶשׁ בַּחוּץ וְחֹדֶשׁ בְּבֵיתוֹ (טוּר וְהָרֹא"שׁ). וְכֵן יֵשׁ לָהּ לְמָנְעוֹ לָצֵאת מִמְּלָאכָה שֶׁעוֹנָתָהּ קְרוֹבָה לִמְלָאכָה שֶׁעוֹנָתָהּ רְחוֹקָה, כְּגוֹן חַמָּר שֶׁבִּקֵּשׁ לְהֵעָשׂוֹת גַּמָּל, אוֹ גַּמָּל לְהֵעָשׂוֹת מַלָּח. וְתַלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים יוֹצְאִים לְתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה שֶׁלֹּא בִּרְשׁוּת נְשׁוֹתֵיהֶם שְׁתַּיִם וְשָׁלשׁ שָׁנִים. וְכֵן טַיָּל שֶׁנַּעֲשָׂה תַּלְמִיד חָכָם, אֵין אִשְׁתּוֹ יְכוֹלָה לְעַכֵּב. וְאִם נוֹתֶנֶת לוֹ רְשׁוּת, תַּלְמִיד חָכָם יָכוֹל לֵילֵךְ בְּכָל מַה שֶּׁתִּתֵּן לוֹ רְשׁוּת (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרַאֲבַ"ד):

5 A woman may forbid [delay] her husband from going for merchant but to a close place, so he won't avoid he period; and he won't leave but [unless] in her permission. And even if she gives him permission, he shouldn't be long, only a month out and a month in his house (Tur & the Rosh) and also she can [has to] forbid him from going from short [close by] period jobs to long [far] period jobs, like a donkey driver wishing to become a camel driver, or camel driver to become a sailor. And scholars [Talmidey Hachamim] leaving for Talmud Torah (even) without their wives permission for two and three years. And [al]so a hiker who became a scholar, his wife can't forbid (him). And if she gives him permission, a scholar can go with however-much she gives him permission (Tur in the name the Ravad)

ו הָאִשָּׁה שֶׁהִרְשֵׁית אֶת בַּעֲלָהּ אַחַר שֶׁנִּשֵּׂאת שֶׁיִּמְנַע עוֹנָתָהּ, הֲרֵי זֶה מֻתָּר. בַּמֶּה דְבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, שֶׁקִּיֵּם מִצְוַת פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה; אֲבָל אִם לֹא קִיֵּם, חַיָּב לִבְעֹל בְּכָל עוֹנָה עַד שֶׁיְּקַיֵּם:

6 The woman who allows her husband to deny her sex, this is permitted. When does this apply? [Only] when he has [already] fulfilled the commandment of propagation. If he has not fulfilled it, he must have intercourse at each required time until he fulfills it.

ז נוֹשֵׂא אָדָם כַּמָּה נָשִׁים, אֲפִלּוּ מֵאָה, בֵּין בְּבַת אַחַת בֵּין בָּזוֹ אַחַר זוֹ, וְאֵין אִשְׁתּוֹ יְכוֹלָה לְעַכֵּב, וְהוּא שֶׁיִּהְיֶה יָכוֹל לִתֵּן שְׁאֵר כְּסוּת וְעוֹנָה כָּרָאוּי לְכָל אַחַת וְאַחַת; וְאֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לָכֹף אוֹתָן לָדוּר בְּחָצֵר אֶחָד, אֶלָּא כָּל אַחַת לְעַצְמָהּ. וְכַמָּה הִיא עוֹנָתָן, לְפִי מִנְיָן. כֵּיצַד, פּוֹעֵל שֶׁהָיוּ לוֹ שְׁתֵּי נָשִׁים, יֵשׁ לָזוֹ עוֹנָה אַחַת בַּשַּׁבָּת וְיֵשׁ לָזוֹ עוֹנָה אַחַת בַּשַּׁבָּת. הָיוּ לוֹ אַרְבָּעָה נָשִׁים, נִמְצָא עוֹנַת כָּל אַחַת מֵהֶן פַּעַם אַחַת בִּשְׁתֵּי שַׁבָּתוֹת; וְכֵן אִם הָיָה מַלָּח וְיֵשׁ לוֹ אַרְבַּע נָשִׁים, תִּהְיֶה עוֹנַת כָּל אַחַת מֵהֶן פַּעַם אַחַת בִּשְׁתֵּי שָׁנִים. לְפִיכָךְ, צִוּוּ חֲכָמִים שֶׁלֹּא יִשָּׂא אָדָם יוֹתֵר עַל אַרְבַּע נָשִׁים, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ מָמוֹן הַרְבֵּה, כְּדֵי שֶׁתַּגִּיעַ לָהֶן עוֹנָה פַּעַם אַחַת בְּחֹדֶשׁ:

7 A man can marry many women, even 100, whether all at once or one after another, and his wife cannot prevent [it], as long as he can give the appropriate [amount of] food, clothing and "time" (marital relations) to each one; and he can't force them to live in one courtyard, rather each one for herself. And how much is her "time" (marital relations) - according to the number. How so? A worker who has two wives, this one has "time" once a week and this one has "time" once a week. If he has four wives, it comes out that the "time" of each one is once every two weeks; and similarly if he was a sailor and he has four wives, the "time" for each one of them would be once in two years. Therefore, the Rabbis commanded that a person shouldn't marry more than 4 wives, even if he has a lot of money, so that they get their "time" once a month.

ח בַּמֶּה דְבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, בְּמָקוֹם שֶׁנּוֹהֲגִים לִשָּׂא שְׁתַּיִם וְשָׁלשׁ נָשִׁים. אֲבָל בְּמָקוֹם שֶׁנָּהֲגוּ שֶׁלֹּא לִשָּׂא אֶלָּא אִשָּׁה אַחַת, אֵינוֹ רַשַּׁאי לִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה עַל אִשְׁתּוֹ שֶׁלֹּא בִּרְשׁוּתָהּ, וְכָל שֶׁכֵּן אִם הִתְנָה בִּכְתֻבָּתָהּ שֶׁלֹּא יִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה אַחֶרֶת עָלֶיהָ. וְעַיֵּן לְעֵיל סִימָן א':

8 In what case are these things said? In a place where they are accustomed to marry two and three women. But in a place where they are accustomed to only marry one woman, he is not permitted to marry another woman in addition to his wife without her permission, and certainly if he stipulated in her Ketuba (marriage contract) that he would not marry another woman in addition to her. And see earlier Siman 1.

ט הַמַּדִּיר אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ מִתַּשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה, בֵּין שֶׁהִדִּירָהּ סְתָם אוֹ שִׁבְעָה יָמִים אוֹ יוֹתֵר, יְקַיֵּם שִׁבְעָה יָמִים, וְאַחַר כָּךְ יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּתָהּ; אֲפִלּוּ הוּא מַלָּח שֶׁעוֹנָתוֹ לְשִׁשָּׁה חֳדָשִׁים:

9 If a man made an vow forbidding his wife to have intercourse with him, whether he made the oath without specifying, or if it was for a period of seven days or more, he must stay married to her for seven days, and then divorce her and give her her Ketubah. [this is true] even if he is a merchant marine who is only obligated in conjugal duties every six months.

י וְכֵיצַד מַדִּירָהּ, שֶׁאָמַר: הֲנָאַת תַּשְׁמִישֵׁךְ אָסוּר עָלַי; אֲבָל אִם אָמַר: הֲנָאַת תַּשְׁמִישִׁי עָלַיִךְ, אוֹ נִשְׁבַּע שֶׁלֹּא לְשַׁמֵּשׁ עִמָּהּ, אֵינוֹ חָל. מִיהוּ, אִם נָדַר בִּרְשׁוּתָהּ, הַנֶּדֶר חָל. וּמֻתָּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ אַף עַל גַּב דְּאָסוּר לְשַׁמֵּשׁ עִמָּהּ (הַגָּהוֹת מַיְמוֹנִי פֶּרֶק ד' דְּאִישׁוּת). וְעַיֵּן בְּיוֹרֶה דֵעָה סִימָן רל"ד סָעִיף ס"ז:

10 What is nature of this vow? He said, "The pleasure of your intercourse is forbidden for me." If, however, he said, "The pleasure of my intercourse is forbidden for you" or if he swears that he will not have intercourse with her, the oath is not valid. Rema: Still, if he took the vow with her permission, it is valid. He may seclude himself with her even though he may not have intercourse with her.

יא אָסוּר לְאָדָם לִמְנֹעַ מֵאִשְׁתּוֹ עוֹנָתָהּ; וְאִם מָנְעָה כְּדֵי לְצַעֲרָהּ, עוֹבֵר בְּלֹא תַעֲשֶׂה דְּ"עֹנָתָהּ לֹא יִגְרָע" (שְׁמוֹת כא, י); וְאִם חָלָה אוֹ תָּשַׁשׁ כֹּחוֹ וְאֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לִבְעֹל, יַמְתִּין שִׁשָּׁה חֳדָשִׁים עַד שֶׁיַּבְרִיא, שֶׁאֵין לְךָ עוֹנָה גְּדוֹלָה מִזּוֹ; וְאַחַר כָּךְ, אוֹ יִטֹּל מִמֶּנָּה רְשׁוּת אוֹ יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה:

11 It is forbidden for a man to withhold conjugal duties from his wife. If he did so with the intent of causing her pain he has transgressed the prohibition of "Do not reduce her conjugal obligation" (Ex. 21:10). If he is ill or weakened and he is unable to have intercourse, he waits six months until he becomes healthy, for this is longest period of conjugal duties. After that period he must either get her permission or divorce her and pay the Ketubah.

יב הָאִשָּׁה שֶׁנָּדְרָה נֶדֶר שֶׁל עִנּוּי נֶפֶשׁ, אוֹ מִדְּבָרִים שֶׁבֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ, שֶׁיָּכוֹל לְהָפֵר, וְאָמַר לָהּ: אֲנִי מֵפֵר לָךְ עַל מְנָת שֶׁתֹּאמְרִי לִפְלוֹנִי מַה שֶּׁדִּבַּרְנוּ יַחַד בִּדְבָרִים שֶׁל שְׂחוֹק שֶׁאָדָם מְדַבֵּר עַל עִסְקֵי תַּשְׁמִישׁ, אוֹ עַל מְנָת שֶׁתִּתְהַפֵּךְ לְאַחַר הַתַּשְׁמִישׁ וְלֹא תִּתְעַבֵּר, אוֹ עַל מְנָת (טוּר) שֶׁתַּעֲשֶׂה מַעֲשֵׂה שׁוֹטִים, כְּגוֹן שֶׁתְּמַלֵּא עֲשָׂרָה כַּדֵּי מַיִם וּתְעָרֵם לָאַשְׁפָּה וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּאֵלּוּ, יוֹצִיא מִיָּד וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה:

12 If a woman took a vow of personal denial, or some matter that is pertinent to the relationship with her husband, such that he may annul it, and he said to her, "I will annul your vow on the condition that you tell such-and-such about the silly things we say about intercourse," or "on the condition that you turn over after intercourse to prevent pregnancy," or "on the condition that you act like a fool, for example, that you fill ten jugs of water and pour them into the refuse pile," or anything similar, he must divorce her immediately and pay the Ketubah.

יג הָאוֹמֵר: אִי אֶפְשִׁי אֶלָּא אֲנִי בְּבִגְדִי וְהִיא בְּבִגְדָהּ, יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה; וְכָל שֶׁכֵּן אִם אֵינוֹ נִזְקָק לָהּ כְּלָל. וְכֵן הִיא אוֹמֶרֶת: אִי אֶפְשִׁי אֶלָּא אֲנִי בְּבִגְדִי וְהוּא בְּבִגְדוֹ, תֵּצֵא בְּלֹא כְּתֻבָּה (בֵּית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם הָרִיטְבָ"א):

13 If a man says, "I cannot lie with her unless we are both clothed," he must divorce her and pay the Ketubah. This is even more true if he refuses to be intimate with her at all. Rema: Similarly, if she says, "I cannot lie with him unless we are both clothed," she is divorced without receiving the Ketubah.

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